Donate Now
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Where is that fine line?

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Where is that fine line?
luanne
Activist
Member # 48638

Icon 1 posted      Profile for luanne     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Here's my story:

I took my road test about a month ago. I felt pretty confident going in because I was a good driver- hey, I could even parallel park!- and my reckless brother who forgets to shift and brake had passed no problem.

So the tester climbed in the passenger's seat. I said hi, he said, "Where's your certificate and permit?" But he said it in a way that made me feel like I was deliberately wasting his time, like a teacher's tone when a kid won't settle down and behave. I had done nothing, but felt a little guilty, and a little embarrassed.

And then I pulled away from the curb, and at the very first stop sign, after I had stopped and was inching ahead to see past a tree obstructing my view of the intersection, he asked me what the heck I was doing and told me I was wasting his time.

For the rest of the ride, everything I did had some sort of flaw that he pointed out. At the first turn, I had gone too wide; at the second, I cut it too close, and so on. My limbs were like jelly, and soon I really did begin to drive poorly because I couldn't really control my movements. Before I had even gotten a chance to parallel park, he said, "Alright. I've seen enough. Go back." But in the "how could you be so STUPID?" tone that really made me feel like I was doing something terrible on purpose.

When we got back, he told me I failed and that I was nowhere near ready for a license. I meekly agreed and after he left I sat on a park bench and cried. I still felt like jelly- during the walk from the car to the bench, my legs felt like I had just run a marathon. My mom tried to help me up so she could drive me home, but it took a long time for the feeling to go away.

My mom tried to talk to me about what had happened, and for a while I couldn't speak, and she became very worried. She asked if he'd sexually assaulted me, and he hadn't, so I felt obligated to set the record straight. I told her everything.

She has a background of abuse, so she flipped and ranted about how the tester, a man I had never met, had "abused" me. I was alarmed to hear her say that because I didn't want any trouble, and I already felt guilty about the whole situation. Hearing her try to make a victim out of me just made me feel worse.

I'm not sure, but I think abuse only applies to actual relationships, not a few minutes with some guy in a really bad mood (rape excluded). It's been almost a month and I just want to forget about it. My mom wants to get this guy moved to a different job where he won't be able to harangue young people, and she's making a big fuss about it with the state. I want her to drop the whole thing. Who is right? And can that incident really be called abuse?

--------------------
♥♥♥

Posts: 69 | From: America | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Karybu
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 20094

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Karybu     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Personally, I'm not sure I'd call it abuse; the tester reacted badly and acted very unprofessionally, for sure, but whether it was actually abuse is a bit difficult to say. However, if that's what it felt like to you, then that's what matters (and it's up to you to determine that, not your mom or anyone else).

As for what you can do, if you want to pursue this, the DMV would be the best place to start. If you would rather just drop it though, then your mom should respect that - you're the one that experienced it, and so you get the final say in what happens. Have you explained to your mother that what she's doing isn't really all that helpful to you?

--------------------
"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

Posts: 5758 | From: Canada/Australia | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
luanne
Activist
Member # 48638

Icon 1 posted      Profile for luanne     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yes; she says she's doing it for the other kids who might have to deal with him in the future. Which sounds noble, but she's still overreacting.

I'm really more humiliated than anything.

[ 08-30-2010, 10:34 PM: Message edited by: luanne ]

--------------------
♥♥♥

Posts: 69 | From: America | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Stephanie_1     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Honestly though? The state in general isn't the right place to go. That would be like me having a problem at a store, and rather than going to the store manager to complain I call the state senator or the US president. If she wants to pursue it, the proper place to go is the DMV, because that's who employs the guy.

--------------------
"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3428 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PSYCHOanalytical
Activist
Member # 43343

Icon 1 posted      Profile for PSYCHOanalytical     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You might not consider it abuse which is fair, and your mother's background probably makes her more inclined to think of it in those terms. It's your opinion and your choice to let it go. However, he's treated you incredibly unfairly because instructors aren't allowed to conduct tests in those sort of manners, and it is a DMV sort of matter.

Sorry if you're not looking for advice from complete strangers, but this struck a nerve - seeing as I recently went for my licence also and had to do it twice (there were huge differences between the two testers I had). And they are NOT allowed to treat people in that way and as far as I know CAN be reported for it. What the consequences are, I couldn't say.

--------------------
"Nothing spoils the taste of peanut butter like unrequited love."

Posts: 44 | From: Right here :) | Registered: Jul 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.
UBB Code™ Images not permitted.
Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3