My father has been abusive to me for the majority of my life. As far as I remember he's never actually done anything physical though. But he's left me really emotionally scarred. It started so long ago I don't actually remember when it did start. But I remember him constantly teasing me, and talking about my weight because I started gaining weight when I was younger(probably because of him.) He's done this sort of thing to me my entire life really, he's said some really horrible things to me, in an indirect way he's called me stupid and fat, but I still remember the worst thing he ever did to me. I have that day implanted in my mind, and I remember it as if it were yesterday. Even now, every now and then it will play like a movie in my mind reminding me of what he did. It was my day to go see him since my mum and dad are divorced, we were going to a store and I had some tic tacs with me. He told me to leave it in the car and I meant to but I closed the door before I put it down so I stuck it in my pocket and wasn't going to take it out of course. My dad started yelling at me and asking me what I had said, I repeated what he had said about it almost word to word. He said that wasn't what he'd said. He forced me back into his car and drove to a little back alley hospital and told me to read the sign that read "Hospital" on it. He told me that he was going to take me in there to have a brain transplant because of what I'd done. I begged him not to, I pleaded and pleaded and asked him to give me another chance, I was crying the whole time too, I did this for what felt like forever. He eventually told me that if I didn't smarten up he would take me to get the transplant. I pleaded to him some more until he finally drove away from there. I was no more than 7 or 8 years old and it was such a horrific experience that I can still tell you in detail what that hospital sign had looked like. I could tell you the surroundings and pretty much every detail about that time, and to this day I can't go past that road with out feeling pain. He's done smaller things like this to me for my whole life. He's humiliated me in front of his girlfriend and her son who I loved very much. He also called her son a faggot for wearing her shoes one time, I called him on it and we got into a fight. He wouldn't talk to me for a month, he then went to Japan for a month and when he got back I was visiting him and his gf and I said a general hi to them. That night when I asked to go home he yelled at me telling me everything I'd done wrong that day(which was pretty much nothing but he made it long and drawn out) and that I hadn't even said hi. After it was all worked out he acted as if nothing had happened. I eventually got sick of it, which is why it will have been 2 years since I've last seen him next February.
It sounds like keeping him out of your life right now is probably a good plan.
Is there specific advice you're looking for from us? Specific questions or resources you need?
I also want to ask if you've ever gone into therapy to talk about this. If not, I'd consider it, but do be aware that many therapist have a bias towards preserving family relationships, and may push you to talk to him. If you do want therapy, I'd encourage being very up front about not wanting to talk to him, so that you can find a therapist who's supportive of that.
Other than that, do you have other people or friends who you can talk to about it? How's your relationship with your mother?
Posts: 2262 | From: in transition | Registered: Apr 2008
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Well, for me this was one of those things that I just needed to kind of get off my chest(if that makes any sense)
I have been to therapy and have sort of changed to another person, not because the first guy wasn't any good but because the second guy knows a lot about my situation because my mother goes to see him and my father was just as horrible to her. So he knows all about my father and me and kind of what's been in my past.
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