posted
I have a Coworker who is a young mother, who we will call Lisa. She's 19, her fiance and father of the baby is 20, and the baby is about a year and a half.
Ever since she started working there, we've suspected that her fiance was rather controlling. When they were both still in school, she'd complain about having to go over to his house after work every day, even when she was exhausted. When I suggested that she tell him she was tired and just go home and go to bed, she said "He'd have a fit". He comes and get her for lunch every single day, something that she complains about a lot. On the way back into work, he always walks her to the doors at the back where we clock in, waits for her, and walks her back to our area (the pharmacy) as if he can't let her out of his sight for one second.
Yesterday, a couple girls were planning a trip to the beach and invited her and myself to go to the beach with them today. I couldn't go because I had to work, but Lisa wanted to go. She went to lunch with her fiance, and came back to lunch all shaken up.
She confided in to one of our coworkers that her fiance was very angry that she was going, saying that "It's not fair that she gets to go places with her friends when he doesn't have any". Apparently, he started yelling at her. When he did this, it scared the baby, and he started to cry. The fiance/father proceeded to whip the baby, ignoring Lisa's protests for him to stop. Lisa implied that this has happened in the past.
I also know that her fiance recently broke his hand. When our boss concernedly asked how he did it, he told us that he punched a pole.
It's pretty assumable from that that he has some anger issues. Since he's broken his hand and beaten his own baby out of anger, I really wouldn't be surprised at all if he hits her as well.
I think this is just horribly sad and wrong. my coworkers and I really afraid for the baby, and afraid for Lisa.
What do you think would be the correct action in this situation. I'm a little afraid to go to the police, but I'd feel awful if something bad happened to this baby and I knew but didn't do anything about it.
Posts: 430 | From: United States | Registered: Apr 2009
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posted
You can absolutely call child protective services in your area and report your concerns. You should be able to find their phone number in your local phone book or online. (I believe you can report anonymously if you are concerned for your own safety as well.)
You can also talk with your friend about resources available for her. Has she expressed concern about what's happening?
-------------------- Sarah Liz Posts: 7313 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000
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posted
Well, she didn't directly tell e about it. I heard her asking an older coworker for advice, and later the coworker told me and my boss, kind of asking us for help.
But yeah, from what I've heard, she's pretty concerned about it.
It's just so sad. This girl got pregnant when we were juniors in high school, and now i think she feels like she's stuck with that controlling boyfriend/fiance just because she has his baby.
Posts: 430 | From: United States | Registered: Apr 2009
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posted
I'd also suggest documenting all of this, including arguments she says she has with the fiance and any marks that appear on her. (You don't need to tell her you're doing that, by the way, though it helps, especially if it means you can get photos of any marks.) If you can get another coworker to give their signature, that helps, too, since it adds another witness. That way, if (though hopefully it's when) she leaves the fiance, there will be some evidence of the abuse that she can use in court if there's a custody battle. The worst thing would be for her to get away from him but for him to get custody of the child. Unfortunately, that often happens because abusers are so good at manipulation, and if he's financially abusive (taking her paychecks, controlling all her money) then she won't be able to afford a decent attorney while he probably will be able to. That's a really common dynamic in abusive relationships when the couple is living together and/or have a child.
Also, you don't need to have heard about the child abuse firsthand to make a call to CPS, though if the coworker she told about it could make that call, that'd also be good.
[ 06-27-2009, 09:03 PM: Message edited by: orca ]
-------------------- Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail Posts: 2726 | From: North America | Registered: Apr 2007
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posted
Don't mean to tag on, but I'd strongly suggest making that call to CPS. Child abuse is always serious, but that kind of severe physical abuse can kill or seriously disable an infant for life. In other words, it could be a lifesaving call you're making.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63382 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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