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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Rape/Sexual Abuse Poll

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Author Topic: Rape/Sexual Abuse Poll
Heather
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Sadly -- but all too realistically -- the largest running thread we have ever had here at Scarleteen have been the threads for rape and sexual abuse survivors.

Whether you've been raped or not, take the poll and see what the what is to get a reality check on rape, and find some communion if you're a survivor.

(With a nod to lizenny for spotting a problem in the first poll: thanks!)

[ 04-11-2006, 05:05 PM: Message edited by: Miz Scarlet ]

Polling is not enabled in this forum. This poll is inactive.


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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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kitka
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Miz S -

Maybe a sexual harrassment poll would be useful as well?

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Heather
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Awesome idea, kitka.

I'll get one going in the next few days.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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(bump)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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StrawberrySafeSex
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Just a note to Miz Scarlet---

in the question that states: "If you have been raped or sexually abused, did you report the crime(s)?" there is NO OPTION to indicate that you have NOT been sexually abused/raped.

Just letting you know because that factor will greatly affect the outcome of the poll. I, for one, not being sexually abused, just checked off "No (for some other reason)" as it will not allow you to leave it blank.

Just thought you should know!!

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"Sex can look like love if you don't know what love looks like. It is trying out trusting & being trusted... 'I can give it to you, and I can take it away. This sex is me', you can say. 'It is mine, take it. Take me. Please keep me.'"

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Heather
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Yeah, I noticed that much too late, unfortunately. Bah. But thanks for the note anyway!

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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hardyhardyhaha94
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yeah i have and yeah i told. and i had to talk with the principle and all. uugh.

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marley

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jay_d
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I'm honestly deeply impressed. It was the first poll I've seen that anything outside the stereotype had boxes to check.
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thathollygirl
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"The stereotype"? Do explain what you mean, please.
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jay_d
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"The stereotype"? Do explain what you mean, please.

In a sort of bitter way, I'm sort of glad you asked.

- not being female.
- being dumb enough to be blackmailed into abject slavery by a peer.
- the fact that it was an age-peer.
- not fitting the "victim" role.
- not wanting the "victim" role.
- wanting to get on with my life.
- not exaggerating the relative impact to "fit in."
- not buying the easy answers.
- not being happy about being forced into "counseling" with the bastard who did it.
- not thinking the status quo is helping.
- not having a "scoutmaster/teacher/parent" perpetrator.
- not really caring about vengance, all these years later.
- not promoting the patriarchal "virgin/whore" dualism as the sole model of interpreting sexual violence in one's life.
- enjoying the hell out of it - the other half of the time.
- feeling my wishes had more to do with whether it was right or wrong than sex.
- not blaming sexual coercion alone for what was a complex combination of interactive factors.
- feeling that dealing with his generally poor mental health and interpersonal interaction was probably more harmful than sexual servitude.
- beating the **** out of him when he bullied me the rest of the time without ever standing up to blackmail.
- not having any positive interest in "the survivor lifestyle," meetings, book tours, or public speaking events.
- not wanting to be a freak show for the morbid curiosity of every passerby.

I'm sure there's more. If you'd like, I can think of several people to compile a very long list...

...and related to the topic, I technically lied on one question of the poll, though it was a lie of imprecision. Meeting the apparent majority (though I could just talk to different people) who really don't want to engage in 'professional victimhood' has been an experience basically... neutral. Good friends, most people have downs as well as ups in life, and we talk about other things...

...dealing with "official survivor(tm)" groups or individuals, otoh, has been profoundly negative. Bluntly, if you don't match exactly a pamphlet written by someone who took a 30-minute course, you're blood in the water - and will be attacked until you lie about your experience and perspective.

Frankly... comparing the two, at least sexual violence ends eventually.

I've been kicking around for the past two or three years amongst my friends a question of how to make society work for the rest of us - or at least, stop being additionally harmful - though not neccisarily with much luck, sadly. It's somewhat hindered by the fact that, frankly, we'd all rather just not talk about it and focus more on living now than not-living in the past, and doing the digging-up and sorting-out of any aftermath without anyone present... but... well... maybe eventually.

For the shortest answer to your question - pick up any sexual assault pamphlet, preferably the most low-budget, feel-good-without-substance, poorly-written one you can find. For bonus points, watch Oprah until you know how a "survivor" is "supposed" to act.

...if you don't fit EACH of the little bullet points (which are WAY too non-in-depth and canned-answer, IMO), people WILL attack you until and unless you outright lie and pretend you fit descriptions you don't (I never believed in "sexual purity" or the value of "virginity" for starters, which about half the @$#^ points in the average pamphlet are predicated on)... and then, they will proceed to DEMAND to talk with you at length about crap that has nothing at all to do with your experiences - and to quote a friend who was quoting her parents, "she didn't cry, so she's probably lying." You either fit the daytime talk-show role, or you're food.

So, that's a partial answer to your question. I'm sure someone else could explain it better. I'm not someone else. I'll probably get flamed for not lying about my experiences, but... oh well.

Anything else you want to know, just ask.

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Heather
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That's really quite a comprehensive list of the survivor stereotypes up there, and sadly, very few of us will ever get through our lives without facing at least a few of them. Well done.

(And no one is going to get "flamed" here period, so can we let that go, please?

It's especially a bummer when you've got this great post on a site RUN by a survivor of multiple abuses -- one who has done a TON of hard PUBLIC battle because she refuses to become a sterotype for anyone's comfort or conveneince -- who would HURL at the idea of anyone lying about their experiences to try and fit some sterotypical mold she's worked really hard not to have here, and that whole sentence -- while I get the weariness of battling this stuff, I do -- flirts with undoing its value.)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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jay_d
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And no one is going to get "flamed" here period, so can we let that go, please?

that whole sentence... flirts with undoing its value.


Sorry about that.

For the record, I wrote that simply because - quite frankly - my experience suggests that it is taken as outright heresy, and not because of any campaign of harassment.

one who has done a TON of hard PUBLIC battle because she refuses to become a sterotype

Everyone else just learend to keep quiet. Thank you.

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Menthol
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these poll results are informative; thank you.

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"I need no warrant for being, and no word of sanction upon my being. I am the warrant and the sanction."
~Ayn Rand

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Irm
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I wonder if the ratio of raped/abused vs. not raped/abused shown in this poll is at all affected by the website it's posted on. Do you think that people who have endured sexual abuse are more likely to be posting on a site like Scarleteen?
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Heather
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Well, for starters, gneral rape rates usually show that the majority of rape victims are within this age group, so that's likely part of it.

ST is also safe space, so that likely effects people being willing/able to feel okay reporting.

But I don't see anything in our demographic that would bring us more rape victims and survivors than anywhere else, and thus far, actually, the results of this poll show general rape rates which are smaller (where rape happens less often) than broader statistics usually show.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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DeepJedi
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-- edited --

Note from the Smurf: Posting solely to complain about what we do or how we do things really isn't cool, nor is it something we're going to tolerate here. If you have an issue with what we do or how we do things, feel free to email the site owner, Heather, at boards@scarleteen.com. This isn't something we discuss on the boards.

Thanks.


[ 01-13-2007, 11:35 AM: Message edited by: LilBlueSmurf ]

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Light
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Is it possible that when the researchers pose the question with "No consquences", the guys take it to mean NO consuqences. I.E. no trama afterwards, the girl is perfectly fine, everybody moves on as if it never happened etc. I can see myself interpreting the question that way, and in that case, it almost is a question of if you would like to have sex right now or not. Maybe the guys are saying "Sure, If I could have sex at this moment with absolutely no aftereffects or consequences, I would" whereas in reality, Rape has horrible consequences and causes so much trama.
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Heather
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Light: did you intened to respond to a different thread?

I ask, because that issue isn't part of this poll, not do I see reference to a study which includes that query to men (though I'm aware of one which does, in which case the question was made pretty clear, being consequences for the rapist) in the discussion here?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Light
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Yes, I did mean to respond to the other thread, sorry. I can't seem to find that thread now.
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