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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » How on earth do I get him? I can't figure him out!

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Author Topic: How on earth do I get him? I can't figure him out!
Member # 103792

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin96     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm sorry this will be long!
So it started off last year. He was a new kid in freshman year, and I remember the very first day that I saw him. I wasn't that interested in him to be honest, because I thought he'd be another one of those guys who wouldn't even talk to me or anything like that. I mean, guys in my grade don't hate me, they just don't seem very interested in me because I'm VERY quiet and shy around people I don't know. I only hang out with 3 girls and only them .
Anyway, let's call him Matt. And until this year I've actually been quite interested in knowing him better because he has an incredible maturity level. Can you believe, he's 15, he just turned 15 on January. I know it seems like "Oh too young" but he's VERY mature, oh my god....he acts like a 20 year old, NO joke. His vocabulary, the way he expresses himself, his voice, he even looks like a 20 year old guy! I'm 16, and I've been noticing how he expresses himself with other people. He's respectful, friendly, VERY smart and ambitious, charming, very mature, social & outgoing, he controls himself in social events (if there's alcohol), etc. He's basically the best guy I have met in my life. He's not like any guy in my grade.
This is the first time in Four Years that I like someone in person (I've liked people online but none of them was that serious), and I REALLY wanna get to know him better. The problem is, I'm shy, as I mentioned above. We've talked about 3 times in person and twice on Facebook. He's the one who approached me first at school, walking faster in the school hallway to get next to me and say Hi. I was totally awkward in that conversation, and the 2nd one we had in person too. TOTALLY awkward. We have a lot of things in common too, because we've chatted on Facebook and of course it's way easier to talk online, right?
Also, when I cross paths with him, he seems to look at his watch or his phone before approaching me.
And you know that in school the Girls bathroom and the Boys bathroom are like, beside each other right? So once we opened the door (he opened the boys' door and i opened the girls') at exactly the same time, and we obviously bumped into each other. He was like "Heyy" and I said hey back. He said "Hows it going?" And i said "It's been going gooooood" END of conversation hahah I felt so stupid afterwards! I hate it! How on earth can I talk to him on person and NOT be nervous? He also has stopped talking to me and rarely talks to me at school. He seems a bit nervous when he's near me though, and I can analyze a lot in his body language, but I'm not 100% sure. If I talk to him, will he think I'm being to clingy and chasing him too much? I know I should play hard to get, but I don't want to completely avoid him either! Yes, I want to talk to him, but what if he thinks I lost interest in him if I avoid him or don't talk to him first?
I need your help!!! Thanks [Smile]

[edited: email removed, as personal emails aren't allowed to be posted per the guidelines you agreed to when registering.]

[ 02-18-2013, 06:58 PM: Message edited by: Robin96 ]

~ Robin

Posts: 1 | From: Los Angeles, California | Registered: Feb 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
First things first: if that's his real name, then for his privacy and yours, can you change it to a different name or just an initial, please? Thanks!

I hear you saying that you feel more comfortable communicating in other ways than in person: do I have that right?

If so, how about using one of those other ways, like messaging on Facebook, to ask if he'd like to hang out sometime? That's usually a lot more loaded for people than saying hi, and that way, you could ask the more-loaded thing online, rather than in person, where you feel more comfortable.

And if he says yes, then you'll have the confidence boost of knowing he wants to get to know you, too, so when you do go and hang out, it'll probably feel a lot less scary.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Hi Robin,

Honestly, I don't put any stock in the idea that anyone should play "hard to get." To most people, "hard to get" looks about the same as "I'm not actually interested in you," so if you're looking to make your interest known that won't help you much!

The best way to talk with him without being nervous is just to practice. You say you have shared interests, so the next time you run into him, in person or online, why not bring one of them up? You can even plan a topic in advance, since you know you have some things in common, and that might make some of that in-the-moment awkwardness tone itself down a bit.

I think Heather's idea to initiate a time to hang out sounds good; it might be scary but the only way to know for sure if he's interested is to ask. =)

Posts: 1352 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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