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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I don't know what's happening here

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Author Topic: I don't know what's happening here
Member # 90518

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20 year-old straight poly female here

I feel like I'm in "relationship limbo" right now, and I'm not sure if there's anything I can do to rectify the situation.

So there's this guy, I'll call him B, whom I've kind of had a crush on since we were in the same creative writing class last semester. We talked a bit during school and when semester ended we continued a bi-weekly writing club that was intended to be a whole group of people, but ended up just being us two. My current partner, I'll call him A, knew about this, and about my crush on B, and was totally supportive and encouraging of me to make some sort of move on B. That was all fine and dandy, but I was having some hangups regarding B's orientation - I knew he'd been in a significant relationship with another guy up until last year, so I was confused because I was getting a fairly strong impression that he liked me, but if he was gay then I was probably just misinterpreting general friendliness. (Which is something I seem to be pretty good at.)

This went on for a few more weeks, until two weeks ago when I asked via email if he wanted to get coffee outside of our writing club meetings, just to chat. He replied that he'd like to, but we didn't actually schedule anything so I figured it would be another one of those things that everyone says yes to out of courtesy, but that never actually happens. We met again for writing, and as we were leaving to catch a bus he asked if I'd meant coffee as "just friends" or coffee as in a date. I confessed that I had sort of intended to ask for a date. He seemed interested in that prospect, so we parted ways and said we'd be in touch.

Here's the part where it gets sort of funny. B's quite involved in sword fighting, as a martial art of sorts, and so he convinced me to come for a trial lesson at the academy that he trains at. I went, and it was awesome, and I was reading really strong signals from him that he wanted something to happen between us. The class ended at about 9:30pm and he said him and a couple friends were going back to his place to play board games, if I wanted to come, I said I'd love to, and so we went to his place and played Risk until 4:30 in the morning, by which time I'd missed all my transit home. He said it was fine for me to crash at his place, and said I could have his bed and he'd sleep on the couch. We both went up to his room so he could grab some stuff he'd need in the morning, and as he was saying goodnight I thought, "screw it, now's my chance," and kissed him. He kissed back, and seemed right flustered afterward.

He had to leave early for class the next morning, so I didn't get to see him, but he left a note on the whiteboard in his kitchen for me to have a great day, and when I texted him thanks for letting me crash he said it was no trouble at all and even added a " [Smile] "

Now I haven't heard from him in a day and while this isn't unusual, I guess I thought that if he really did want something to happen, he'd make more of an effort to communicate. I'm fine with initiating things, but I like to get some sort of reciprocation.

We have another swordfighting class on Wednesday, so I suppose I'll be able to talk to him then, I'm just not sure how to proceed and I really hope I didn't create an awkward situation because I really like him as a friend, too.

I guess I'm just struggling to make something happen without seeming like a crazy, clingy person who can't take a hint.

Posts: 21 | From: Vancouver | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You know, I'm a pretty big fan of being plain and direct.

Certainly, it can be awkward no matter how you slice it, but it's okay for things to be awkward sometimes. I'm of the mind that trying to avoid things being awkward tends to create more issues rather than clarify and resolve them in most situations.

So, what do you want here? And what do you want to know from him?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 90518

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Oh I most wholeheatedly concur with being straightforward. Sometimes it's easier said than done, of course, but I think I'm getting better at being vocal about what I want.

I do find that it works much better for me in person, though, which is why I do want to wait until I see him again to broach the subject myself. A lot can (and usually does) get lost in text-based communication, there's a lot more room for misinterpretation. And phones, frankly, scare me a little. Always have.

What I want and what I want to know from him are kind of the same thing here: A big part of me wants to date him, or at least have that kiss not be a one-off thing. A bigger part of me, at this point, wants him to know that I completely understand that a kiss does not have to mean anything, that I really like him but that that in no way means that I expect him to like me back, and that if he'd rather not continue that sort of interaction, then I'd like it if we could still hang out and be friends.

I also should probably tell him about the whole poly thing, 'cause it's kind of a gamechanger.

Posts: 21 | From: Vancouver | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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