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Author Topic: Does she love me back??!
Gaygirl
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Member # 95640

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I'm 16 years old and i have fallen so deeply in love with my best friend. I'm bisexual and have been thinking on it for about 2years now, I've come out to about 15 people  who I know will love and accept me but still  not my best friend as I couldn't risk losing her.
We've known each other for about 4 years now, and about a year after knowing her we became ridiculously close.
 We use to stay round each others houses every chance we got and spent all night cuddling, flirting and just in each others company. She use to cry if I didn't hold her in bed, and we always had a certain way of spooning. Me being the big spoon and her cuddled up inside me. One of my arms around her waist, holding her hand and the other wrapped under her neck where her head would rest. Her leg would always he pushed back and deliberately tangled with mine. 
She also use to get upset if I fell asleep without texting her goodnight, and she made me promise her that I would send her a poem before bed every night basically telling her how much she meant to me.  She also use to make me give her a goodnight kiss when we were together. 
The first time we kissed we was in our first year. I was teasing her saying how I bet she was a terrible kisser and she lunged on me and kissed me, I kissed her back and she smirked and went not bad. and carried on a normal conversation. 
From that time on we use to kiss whenever we were together, she use to say for every cuddle I give her, she will give me a kiss, and use to text me things like "I love your kisses"  I think it was from this moment I began to fall for her, about a year into kissing, things got more serious and clothes use to be discarded..we never did anything major, but the feel of our bodies closer was quite enough.
About a year ago a rumour went round that me and this girl were gay, she took it to heart and began distancing herself from me, from that point I realised how much I actually do love her and how I actually saw her as my absolute everything. I saw her as more beautiful than I had ever noticed and began watching her in class, little things like her expression and reaction to questions make me smile.

Me and the girl are still ridiculously close now but now the only time she kisses me is when she has a drink. Which makes me feel like shit, so many people ask me if she's gay and if she likes me but I just brush it off.

Recently I have become mates with another group and a few of them are gay. She keeps asking me if I'm gay and saying comments like "I'm only as gay as you" or "I've been waiting for you too come out since I met you" but I just don't know with her.. I just want your opinion on the situation. Would you say she liked me ? Is she just in denial ?

Posts: 2 | From: London | Registered: Apr 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
eryn_smiles
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I don't think that it is possible to know how she feels about you without asking her. How would you find it to do that? Some of her comments and actions sound quite confusing or like she is sending mixed messages. I'm not sure what you mean about being in denial?

--------------------
"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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Gaygirl
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Member # 95640

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Like, denial about being gay? From her reaction to hearing people thought we was together?
I just don't know, not sure I'm strong enough to put our friendship on the line

Posts: 2 | From: London | Registered: Apr 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
eryn_smiles
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I think that denial is a tricky thing to talk about in relation to sexual orientation because many people take time to figure out their orientation over time and throughout their lives. It could be that she is not sure herself, or that she is sure but isn't ready to talk about her orientation, or even that she is reacting to some of the negative stereotypes we are often exposed to about gay people and wanting to be careful about how she is perceived.

What I'd think about in this situation is how important is your friendship? And how important to you is it to explore your romantic feelings for her, in relation to that? How would it feel if you didn't tell her your feelings, and she ended up dating another girl, for example?

--------------------
"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

Posts: 1326 | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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