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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » A question about relationships in general

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Author Topic: A question about relationships in general
Meryl Anne
Member # 93859

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Hi! I'm 17 days into my breakup. I'm quite happy so far and weathering the ups and downs pretty well. I'm not actually sure this should go here since it is a general question about relationships. If I must move it elsewhere, please let me know.

I just saw a motivational picture with an old couple that stayed together for 65 years. It said "How did we stay together for 65 years? We came from a time when the attitude was to fix something when it was broken, not throw it away."

I'm just curious. Does anyone feel like this is an attitude everyone should have about relationships? And is it something missing from younger generations? Is it a bad thing that I ended my relationship?

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Scarleteen Volunteer
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You know, I really don't feel that that mindset is healthy.

It's very similar to my mother, who prides herself for sticking with my father for over 35 years, despite the fact that she's been physically and emotionally abused, controlled, belittled, manipulated, and shown no respect.

I think maybe there is something to be said about just not "going on to the next one because he/she is more physically attractive". However, i think that in real relationships, this isn't the issue as often as the couple having real and sometimes irreconcilable differences.

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Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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People can be in jail for 65 years, too, and we don't say that's some kind of achievement.

I'm being a little snarky, I know. But the amount of time people choose to continue a certain relationships simply often tells us very little about its quality, especially if and when people feel that the longer they stay in something, the better, as far as cultual ethos and standards go.

That couple on the poster probably wasn't a real couple, but if they were, and truly, nothing was horribly broken, and the repairs they needed to make as they went through life were makeable and wanted, the relationship was wanted, and they liked each other and wanted to be together, then by all means, yay for them. But, like Atonement pointed out, if the situation was one like a longtime marriage or relationship was for her mother, that's tragedy in my book, not time for cheering.

Some relationships in our life -- and not just one kind: not just marriages, for people who marry, or romances, but friendships, family relationships, working partnerships, community-building, etc. -- usually will be ones that go on a long time, that we mutually choose to invest in and sustain. Others won't. But like any investment of something very big -- and our lives, our hearts, our time, these are all big things -- what we invest in, and how much we invest isn't going to be the same for everyone, and we won't make big investments every single time we have the opportunity.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Meryl Anne
Member # 93859

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Thank you for the responses! My instinct when it comes to thoughts like these that make me question myself is to break it down logically. It can be rewarding, but it can also be time consuming. That being said, I have found both answers to be helpful.

I also went back and read some old posts. It occurred to me that perhaps ending the romantic part of my relationship with my ex may be the best thing to do to save the friendship part of it. It's good to remember that being his girlfriend is not the only way to be with him in this lifetime.

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