posted
I've been friends with this guy for about a year and we used to be really close, almost best friends, he was really funny and nice to be around and we got on really well. We've never kissed or done anything like that, but a few months ago he tried to make it into something more. I said I didn't feel that way about him, and he was absolutely furious, wouldn't speak to me and said loads of nasty stuff about me, that I had led him on and that he was only friends with me on the offchance I might sleep with him, and that he was going to stop being friends with me because he knew it would hurt me.
I was really upset, but around this time I also found out I was pregnant. I had an early abortion, and it was a really rough couple of months for me. My friend knew something was wrong because I missed a lot of uni and my friends hinted that something was wrong.
At this point my friend had said a lot of nasty stuff to me about how I was becoming a lesser person, how I was becoming someone who hates themselves, that he'd seen the scars on my wrists and stuff - an out-of-bounds topic that I'd never brought up with him - and how I was dating loads of guys because I hated myself, loads of judgemental horrible stuff.
We sort of started talking again, like being polite but not fully friends, and he said sorry for some of the stuff he said. Then, a few days after my abortion on Christmas Eve he texted me saying he wished he could take an overdose. I tried to help but he claimed I couldn't. I was already a mess from the abortion and this really upset me.
We came back after Christmas break. He didn't know about the abortion but he knew there was something he didn't know and he got a bit obsessed with it, asking all our friends (who I had asked not to tell him) and eventually he found out last week. He didn't say anything about it but a few nights ago he texted me drunk, saying stuff like 'I miss you' 'I need you' 'I would do anything for you', and then he told me that he had cut himself. I was trying to help the best I could but he said 'you can't help' and then texted me a photo of his arm which he had just cut.
I didn't text back after that, and he texted me saying sorry the next day but I still haven't replied. I care about him but I feel like he's being really manipulative, almost abusive. He just found out I've had a really bad few months and his reaction is to try and upset me more, and make me worry about him. I know that he likes the thought that I'm upset about him and worried about him. He doesn't come to me for help about his depression, he just tries to provoke me into being upset by doing things like this. And I feel worried because he's starting to be obsessive, and I want to withdraw from this situation but I don't know how. We're on the same course at university with the same friendship group, and I'll see him at least once a week. I guess I'd like advice on whether to respond to his texts or have a talk with him, or whether to just ignore him- how might it be best to distangle myself from his mind games? Any advice would be amazing, sorry for how long this post is
Posts: 1 | Registered: Dec 2011
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posted
I'd say to trust your gut feeling on this one. I agree - it sounds like he is being manipulative, and that he is using his depression and self-injury to upset you and to get your attention.
One thing you can do is to tell him kindly but firmly that you are still hurt by the way he has treated you, and that you do not feel comfortable continuing this friendship.
If you are worried that he will do something drastic, you can give him numbers to a local suicide hotline, or you can give your mutual friends a heads up and ask them to keep an eye on him.
-------------------- -joey Scarleteen Volunteer
"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand Posts: 8424 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005
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