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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Relationship change with boyfriend

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Author Topic: Relationship change with boyfriend
techie
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I've been starting to consider lately that me and my boyfriend are sexually incompatible. For him, its all quite routine, which I find a) Kind of boring, b) Like sex is just something -to- do, rather than something we -want- to do?

We don't do Big Talks very well - he doesn't really open up all that much, at all, I feel like the things I know about him are shallow - his favourite foods, TV programmes he likes, his interest in the space program - but nothing really 'real', his fears, his past, how he feels or thinks about different subjects.

We most have fun when we're just talking, or watching a film or gaming. I've been debating with myself because I was considering it a break up of sorts, and I didn't want to not be with him, or have him to talk to. Much as our relationship currently might not be everything I want or need, its not unhappy, or unhealthy, and I didn't want to lose the aspects I really do enjoy.

Can I scale it back to friendship without it seeming like I'm dumping him, but just saying "Oh, but we should be friends" at the end, as in most cliche breakup speeches? And should I take it back to friendship, or should we just try to talk through the issues I'm having and make it work?

Posts: 160 | From: England | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
techie
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I know I make it sound like I'm quite decided there, but the truth is I start crying whenever I think about how to do it. I don't want to hurt him, and I don't love him any less. Logically, the relationship isn't working now - and I don't think it will hold out, his parents are very protective of him, they won't let me see him during exam times, and he'll be away large swathes of summertime, and we don't see each other that often already. But I don't not have feelings for him anymore. This whole thing is breaking my heart.
Posts: 160 | From: England | Registered: Apr 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
WesLuck
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My best wishes for you in this tough time. Think a lot, talk a lot, feel feelings a lot, you will get through it, one way or the other. But that doesn't mean it isn't tough now, and I symphathise! [Smile]
Posts: 540 | From: Australia | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
copper86
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It sounds like you do have some things in common with him; and that you still have strong feelings for him. Maybe you could try having a casual-but-still-open talk with him: tell him how you're feeling, but that you still love him and enjoy spending time with him. Maybe things will get better; but if they do not, then you can revisit your thoughts about friendship.

Maybe he doesn't always handle "big talks" that well because he is still being sheltered by his parents. You could always try going to a public, neutral place (a coffee shop, a restaurant, a park) and tell him what is on your mind then; so no one will be around to disturb you.

How long have you been seeing your boyfriend? I know it's been a while since this topic was posted; but I really hope you're doing well and that things are okay! [Smile]

--------------------
"I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can)

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