Donate Now
Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Confusing friendship

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Confusing friendship
TWEWY
Neophyte
Member # 95005

Icon 1 posted      Profile for TWEWY     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I've talked to this guy online/texting/phone for six years.
Through that time:
I was in puppy love with him somewhat in the beginning.
Then it was a regular friendship.
One night we ended up camming and doing it every so often.
(very shorten version)

Now after all this time he's coming to Texas for a wedding and he wants to see me. At first it was going to be just me and him (though it seemed he was using me a little), however his co-worker who was invited decided to come along (so he didn't need me much as she wanted to share a room with him and rent a car) he ended up sounding more blazé about meeting with that I was a bit discouraged in meeting him.
A week or two later he calls me when he's walking to his car from a bar and we talked for thirty minutes which is unlike us. I ended up broaching the subject of how he seemed to be acting he ended up telling me he did want to see me, but he just wasn't sure how much time we could spend together, sleeping in a motel 8, and with his friend there.

With how our friendship is in a liminal cusp between friendship and some sexualization.

Does it seem like I should try and do something since we're sleeping in the same bed or just let him do something if he wants (even though he's not much for making the first move)?

Whoever reads this I have to say thank you, hope you can follow my train of thought, and possibly help/advice.

Posts: 2 | From: Texas | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

Icon 1 posted      Profile for September     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
So, do I have this right that you and this guy have never met in person before?

If so, I don't think it is sound to discus whether or not you "should" do anything sexual with him. After all, you have absolutely no idea how the two of you interact in person, whether there is any chemistry or attraction there at all. A lot of intimacy and closeness and friendship can develop online, but there is no way to gauge the potential of physical attraction that way. So, when meeting someone face-to-face for the first time, it's always smart to just approach it with no expectations and then see how you feel about each other before you take things further.

For the first meeting, I hope you will be taking all of the necessary precautions? You will tell a friend or family member where you are going and who you are meeting? You will meet in a well-lit public place with plenty of people around? You will make sure that you are not dependent on this guy for transportation or accommodation, so that you can get away easily should you feel uncomfortable?

--------------------
Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9187 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
TWEWY
Neophyte
Member # 95005

Icon 1 posted      Profile for TWEWY     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yes, you have it correct.

You're correct in that I should have no expectations.

I have taken those precautions.
I think we're meeting on a beach with some friend he has.
Transportation I'm on my own, though accommodations staying with him in the same bed...

Thanks for the reply and for the help.

--------------------
Experience has taught me that interest begets expectation, and expectation begets disappointment, so the key to avoiding disappointment is to avoid interest.

Posts: 2 | From: Texas | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

Icon 1 posted      Profile for September     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Re safety: have you considered maybe also bringing along a friend of your own? That way, you may feel more comfortable, and it may also be safer.

As for sharing a room, I'm not sure that's such a great idea. Safety concerns aside, there's no guarantee you will feel comfortable enough with him to do that. It's a pretty big leap to go from meeting someone for the first time to sharing a bed with them in a few hours. And while it's perfectly possible to instantly click with someone like that, it may be a good idea to book a separate room for yourself, if you can. That way, you're not setting the bar so high and you can get to know him without that looming over your head.

--------------------
Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9187 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3