Donate Now
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Who Is Correct

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Who Is Correct
MarilynSexy
Activist
Member # 78782

Icon 1 posted      Profile for MarilynSexy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
So In Movies & Shows & Whatever You Always See A Guy Standing Up For Their Girl When A Guy Or A Friend Attacks The Girl Verbally Or Physically...

My Boyfriend Has A Friend, He Doesn't Really Hang Out With Him Much Or Talk To Him All The Time, He (From What He Told Me) Doesn't Even Like Him That Much, But Likes To Go To Atlantic City With Him Because His Friend Is A Gambler, Like Sick Hardcore Gambler... He Also Doesn't Care About Him (From What He Told Me)...

So His Friend, Decides To Attack Me On Facebook, Saying Im A Horrible Annoying Gf & That My Boyfriend Should Find Someone Better, My Boyfriend Didnt Stand Up For Me, I Got Angry And It Still Angers Me, I Asked Why He Said Because, He Means Nothing && Its Just Facebook, Who Cares What He Says Blah Blah Blah & Supposdly If He Did It In Person He'd Tell Him Off (He Told Me When I Asked Him) But According To Him They Never Talk About Me, Unless My Bf Is Madd At Me Of Course, Or Whatever Pops Up... Whatever You Know

Am I Wrong For Wanting Him To Stand Up For Me? Is He Wrong? Is He Right? He Ussually Doesnt Lie, He Never Lies Actually & We Have Been Together For Over 3 Years Now && According To Him He Loves Me & I'm The Only One For Him...

So This Weekend, My Bf Wanted To Go To AC( Atlantic City) So He Was Gonna Go With His Friend, W.E, He Wanted To Win Money, But I Wasnt Going, Eventually Thru Out The Conversation My Bf Starts Begging Me TO Come, Even Tho He Knows His Friend Would Freak, He Didnt Even Wanna C His Friend & He Said He Didnt Wanna Play Poker He Just Wanted To Spend Time With Me, Whatever. He Didnt Even Speak To His Friend, Whatever, We Went To AC, And My Bfs Sister Messages His Friend To Tell Him That Im There, My Bf Didnt Even Care Enough To Do It, So His Friend Is Madd AT Him Because His Friend Hates Me, & He Fb Messages Him "Good Fing Game" My Bf Responds I Haven't Seen My Gf In A Long Time( Thats What He Told Me He Told Him But I Think He Added More) His Friend Responds Yeah But Shes (He Used The 3 Letter Word Dissing Male Homosexuals) My Bf Didnt Respond, I Asked Is He Gonna Tell Him Off He Said "Oh Yeah" I'm Like So Ur Not Gonna Defend Me He Said When He Comes Online, Which I Doubt. Whatever We Had A Big Fight....


Please Tell Me Whose Right, Mind You He Barely Sees His Friend He Really Just Uses Him For AC But Also Tells Me He Wouldn't Mind Dumping Him But Hasnt Done So Yet So Yeah, I Want My Guy To Defend Me I Said Ud Let Me Get Disrespected By People He Said No, He Always Says No To That But Yeah Please Let Me Know Your Input

Posts: 58 | From: LA | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kachina
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 42505

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Kachina     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi Marilyn, do you think you could write your posts in the normal matter - ie. with capital letters at the beginning of sentences rather than the beginning of every word? Unfortunately I just can't seem to be able to read your post, my brain just didn't learn to read like that.

Thanks

--------------------
~Kat
Scarleteen Volunteer

Humans are allergic to change. They love to say, "We've always done it this way." I try to fight that. That's why I have a clock on my wall that runs counter-clockwise. - Grace Hopper

Posts: 876 | From: Seattle | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MarilynSexy
Activist
Member # 78782

Icon 1 posted      Profile for MarilynSexy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Lol, are you dyslexic? I'm stressed and your attacking my writing, Good job
Posts: 58 | From: LA | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
If I'm understanding you correctly, you want your boyfriend to show you how much he loves you and how much you matter. Having him stand up for you when his friend (who really doesn't sound like much of a friend) insults you would give you that loved and cared for feeling. Of course, I'm just guessing here so feel free to set me straight.

A question for you: Is the problem that this guy insulted you, or that your boyfriend didn't react the way you wanted him to?

Sometimes it's helpful to do some reading and thinking about relationships, just to check in with yourself, so I'm going to give you a few links to look at:

Does Your Relationship Need a Checkup?

Supermodel: Creating & Nurturing Your Own Best Relationship Models

Like Kat I had some trouble reading your post, but this should be something to start off with as far as helping you figure things out.

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
moonlight bouncing off water
Peer Ambassador
Member # 44338

Icon 1 posted      Profile for moonlight bouncing off water     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Please don't attack dyslexics. My father, grandfather, aunt and three of my cousins are dyslexic and there is absolutely nothing wrong with having dyslexia. Besides, dyslexia would have nothing to do with not being able to read that: if anything a dyslexic would find that easier to read than a non-dyslexic would. She is not attacking your writing, simply asking you to observe common courtesy and write the message in a way that is not as difficult to read. Typing like that is very distracting. I myself have been sorely tempted to ask the same of you. In fact I'm pretty sure that in the user agreement it expressly dictates that typing in all caps, using "text talk" and otherwise hard to read language is discouraged if not forbidden: i'm pretty sure this would fall under that stuff too. It's really distracting the way you type it and KatWa's request is anything but fair. It'd be kind of like if I typed all my posts in French, I can but not everyone could understand it and so I don't.

[ 01-04-2012, 08:40 PM: Message edited by: moonlight bouncing off water ]

--------------------
~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MarilynSexy
Activist
Member # 78782

Icon 1 posted      Profile for MarilynSexy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
its not to get that feelings that he loves and cares about me, I think its right, why should other people have their bfs defend them but I can't? does that make them better than me? also why do I have to be upset and get my parade rained on and he doesnt, who the **** is his friend? the king its like he doesn't wanna hurt his feelings or something, my bf says to ignore him, hes noone, well if hes noone why do u let noone tlk bad about me, when I do something wrong he goes crazy on me, when his friend does it he says nothign then when I ask him about it he says Your my gf i care for u i dont want u acting that way u represent me, like wtf and the problem is BOTH, i love my bf, I know me and my bf are meant to be together I just don't like this situation i want his friend to go away
Posts: 58 | From: LA | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
*nod* Sounds like you don't like it when your boyfriend says that you "represent him". What would happen, I wonder, if you told him that?
?

I think if you want your boyfriend to act a certain way, the only way to see if that can happen is to tell him what you want, that you like it when you see other people's partners defending them and taking their side. Remember, though, that you can only tell him what you want; you can't actually change his behaviour.

Likewise, you can tell him that you don't like his friend and that you wish his friend wasn't around, but this is no guarantee that this guy will actually go away.

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MarilynSexy
Activist
Member # 78782

Icon 1 posted      Profile for MarilynSexy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
i did tell him that I want him defending me but he doesnt think its necessary because his friend is a nobody and its only facebook, who cares about it, is his view point and i told him millions of times to dump his friend and he says yeah In person but online doesnt do it i wanna know if he is correct in anyway of what he is saying, should i pay mind to what his friend says or not, or is standing up for me something he has to do
Posts: 58 | From: LA | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MarilynSexy
Activist
Member # 78782

Icon 1 posted      Profile for MarilynSexy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
This is part of the convo...

Me:
Did That Piece Of Doodoo Respond?

Bf:
no

Me:
LMFAO

Bf:
Yeah but shes gay <---- His friends response to him saying why he brought me to ac)
i guess he did
lol

Me:
LMFAO
Plz Tell Me Ur Gonna Tell Hi Off

Bf:
oh yea

Me:
Ur Gonna Let Him
Diss Me Again?

Bf:
no

Me
So What R U Gonna Respond...
Bf:
when he comes online

Me:
What R U Gonna Say

Bf:
idk

Me:
lol...

Bf:
:-)
Me:
Heh...
Y Do U Let Him
Tlk bad About Me

Bf:
idk
cause its not a big deal

Me:
Ur Not
In Love With me?

Bf:
lol k

Me:
Im Asking U

Bf:
u should know by now


Me:
ur relaly gonna let him
break us up

Bf:
no?

Me:
so ur always
gonna let
ppl tlk bad about me?

Bf:
no

Me:
i dont deserve respect from ppl?
Bf:
yes

it went on and ended in an arguement...

Posts: 58 | From: LA | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Stephanie_1     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
One thing I see as a problem in this conversation you have posted here is that you (as seems to be common for so many people) use "lol" when you don't know what to say or quite how to respond. Personally, when I see "lol" I think of what it means - laugh out loud. Where you used "lol" in the conversation (if you look back through at how many times you have that and lmfao) it becomes more like a joke conversation that a serious one. Mind you may disagree with me there, but when having a serious conversation with someone laughing may simply not be the proper or best response.

As well, while you can hope a partner will stand up for you, and some partners may, other partners aren't really that type of person themselves. Not knowing him it's tough to judge what type of person he is, but he may simply not be comfortable standing up to people like that. Since he is saying it's not a big deal, have you tried explaining to him, one-to-one in person about how this really makes you feel? Without insulting his friend back, simply laying your feelings out for him? Explained while FB messages aren't a big deal for him they are for you, and it's really hurting you? That you'd like him to at least be on the same page with you there?

--------------------
"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3