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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » new guy

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Author Topic: new guy
Member # 30972

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Thursday night an old friend from grammar school ( we are 27 now) sent me a text message asking me if I wanted to pass by and say hello bc its been years.

So I did and we had a great time, we basically just watched a movie and hooked up but we both had a good time and I felt a connection for sure.

Yesterday he text me and said merry xmas, and said Id invite you over but my parents are home and I dont want them in my business, so i respected that,and said ok no problem

So today I text him saying what are you doing tonight.....and sent me back this text which I thought was rude and I dont know how to decode he said " I work all week and Im tired and dont hang out on weekdays, I am going away this weekend for hockey, and you need to slow it down a little bit"

Im not quite sure what I did for him to say that? or what he means by that? pelase explain!

Posts: 88 | From: ny | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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The hey words here for me in what he said are the "you need to slow it down a little bit," part. That strikes me as someone expressly very clearly -- albeit not exactly with grace -- that they feel like you are moving things faster than they'd like or want.

Now, you shouldn't need a secret decoder ring here to know what he means by that: if he wants a limit, like say, you not texting him or not asking him to hang out, then it's on him to express that clearly. If he hasn't and you, understandably, want to know what he wants but can't figure that out, then it's on you to ask him for more clarity, such as with a question like, "I'm not sure I know what you mean by slow it down a little bit: can you give me a clearer picture of what you want and don't right now?"

I'm assuming that when you two hung out and hooked up after many years of not talking, none of this came up or was made clear, mind. Do I have that right?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 30972

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Exactly when we hung out, we talked, watched a movie, really hit it off, then hooked up and both were very into each other. He never said it was moving too fast then, but then he text me n said it was? so thats what confused me!
Posts: 88 | From: ny | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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As Heather said, you're always free to ask someone for clarification when you don't understand what they mean.

You're also allowed to tell him, if you want to, how you feel--sounds to me like you're confused.


Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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