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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Why am I thinking about someone else?

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Author Topic: Why am I thinking about someone else?
Member # 70608

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Hey, first of all, I'd like to apologize for always having soooo many questions! Sorry D:

So, yesterday my friend's band played a concert. A group of friends and I went to help her unload gear, and then see the show about 5 hours later. There was one guy there who I'd met before. He's 16 and I'm 17. I'm a 12th grader, he's repeating 9th grade.

We started talking to eachother, and then we decided to go get food. So we told everyone we'd be back, and began wandering around downtown LA looking for some cheap food. We had a lot of fun, just talking and what not. We really don't know eachother well at all. We found a Carl's Jr, and I shared it with him while walking back. We honestly spent a total of 3 hours alone together. He decided to take me to a place he wanted to show me. The floor lights up when you step on it, and he thought I'd like it.

We finally got back to the venue, and my friends were looking at us funny. One of my friends half-jokingly asked if we made out. She knows I have a boyfriend who I've been with for nearly 2 years. I said no. The guy didn't really flirt with me at all that night (or at least I wasn't aware if he did). We watched the show, and later went to my friend's house to hangout. I went home, and he was in the backyard, so I didn't get to say goodbye before I left.

When I got home, all I could think about was him. And then to make things worse, I dreamt about him. I dreamt that we had sex. In this dream my boyfriend didn't even exist! I felt so guilty. I saw my boyfriend today, and the whole time I just felt really guilty and like a horrible girlfriend. And I'm still thinking of this guy.

What should I do? I really love my boyfriend, and to be honest, this guy is not someone I would date. I don't find him attractive, I don't really like younger guys, and while he is really nice, I don't think he'd make a good boyfriend.

Is it wrong of me to be thinking about this guy? I think this will just wear off, but I'm worried. Is this a bad sign?

[ 12-11-2011, 03:34 AM: Message edited by: EauDbedroomDancing ]

"My whole life looked like a picture of a sunny day..."

Posts: 34 | From: Los Angeles, CA | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
moonlight bouncing off water
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Member # 44338

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Well, whether it's wrong to be thinking about this guy really isn't something I can answer for you; it's something that you need to decide for yourself. Thinking about other guys, in and of itself is, in my opinion something harmless and unavoidable. But that's my opinion and if you don't agree, that's fine, this is about how YOU feel. How does having thoughts about this guy make you feel?

If it continues to bother you because it makes you feel unfaithful to your boyfriend, you could talk to him about it. This would, of course, be something I would suggest only if you are comfortable with the idea; but it may be able to help to assuage some of your feelings.


I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 70059

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Completely agree. It's perfectly normal to let your mind wander in a relationship. It's even okay to have little crushes on other people. You can't control whom you like. It's just a question of what you choose to do about it.

Sometimes when I have a bad patch with my boyfriend I start to think more about other guys. Sometimes I have dreams about them. But you know, sometimes I have those thoughts even when everything is going well!

Dreams can certainly be disturbing, but they're just that... dreams.

Posts: 42 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Saffron Raymie
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Member # 49582

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Welcome back to Scarleteen, EauD'bedroom! Don't worry, this is a place for asking questions; ask as many as you like. (Everytime I see one of your post that song pops into my head - one of my favourites. [Smile] )

As MoonlightBouncingofftheWater and whilemyguitargentlyweeps (Is that Jeff Healy?) said above, thinking about others, and even being attracted to them, is very common, even when we're in monogamous relationships. We just can't switch our sexualities off like that, you know? It doesn't mean you aren't attracted your boyfriend any less than you were before.

So, it doesn't matter if you find yourself attracted to anyone else in the future - we cannot control our feelings - only our actions. Feeling desire for someone, or just thinking about them a lot, doesn't mean we'd choose to have a relationship with them. Feelings don't have the power to cause us to break relationship agreements. However, if you weren't attracted to him, maybe you liked the idea that he might have been attracted to you (it can be nice to feel special like that) - or maybe you just loved making a new friend and having some fun with a new buddy. All these things are totally okay, and common.

As guitargentlyweeps said, dreams really are just dreams. They don't mean anything, sex dreams are just the same as any other kind of dream. Sometimes they are our fears - perhaps you were a little freaked out about thinking about this person and scared that it might cause you to break you agreement with your boyfriend - and that fear expressed itself in a dream.

[ 12-12-2011, 07:37 AM: Message edited by: RaeRay2112 ]

'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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Member # 70608

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Thanks to everyone for answering my question! :-) I'm sorry for replying so late...I just recently got my internet back (yikes!)I hung out with my friend a few more times, and after awhile I stopped thinking about him so much. I think Seashy Rae was right...I just liked the idea of him possibly being attracted to me. Once again, thank you guys sooo much!

"My whole life looked like a picture of a sunny day..."

Posts: 34 | From: Los Angeles, CA | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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