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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Still struggling with a breakup

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Author Topic: Still struggling with a breakup
Djuna
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Member # 29269

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Hi - so I posted here about breaking up with my partner a couple weeks ago, and to be honest I've really not been doing well. Thursday was the first time since breaking up that I managed to open a book for my degree (except for going to my classes). My self care has been really bad in terms of sleep, eating well and things like my diary where I could be taking care of myself emotionally. I seem to spend a lot of time sitting around after I get in from university, or I wake up and don't feel like getting out of bed so I lay there all morning. I must have eaten like a gallon of ice cream but I've only managed to cry once, a very little in my counsellor's office; my emotions don't seem accessible to me. I'm not sure what I'm asking but I thought I would put this out there, I'm finding things really difficult and I could use some support. <3
Posts: 1269 | From: London, UK | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
breath
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Patrick

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this time. I think it's very important to recognize that it takes a lot of strength and someone committed to self-improvement to come here and talk about this.

Undoubtly, break ups can be a very stressful and diffcult part of adulthood. Your reaction and feelings are quiet normal. However, I also hear that you are interested and aware of the important of self-care as well as investing in your uni/classes.

Do you want to talk about what are some things that make it difficult for you to follow the things you have identified? I have found that sometimes even ending your day on a downward slope (ie . making sure you have good food ready to eat the next day breakfast/lunch, having your to do list ready and books/assignment organized, having your fav cup of coffee in the morning) can help you start the day.

Another technique you can try if you are in fact having difficult getting started is to set yourself for a task to do first thing in the morning before you do email, FB, anything else. It can be 30 mins read 30 pgs or something. This can help give you a boost and momentum.

Just throwing some ideas out there.

Have you been able to see a counselor about this? How have your break-ups been in the past and how have you handled those?

Many many hugs

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Jacob at Scarleteen
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I'm really really sorry to hear that stuff is so hard at the moment.

I really think it's important to let yourself process things in the way they unfold (as slowly as they like) on their own. You might think you're not doing enough, healing quickly enough, but I feel like if you've not managed to cry more than once, as you say, that perhaps that's not something you actually need to be doing at this point. Stuff like that happens at it's own pace, and you might find yourself moving on in a different way anyway.

I know university can expect a lot from us as individuals, and timetables and deadlines don't really accept that we have ups and downs.

But, I think that for this period it's totally understandable that you don't want to study as much, that you want to eat lots of ice cream and even that you might not be able to talk about all of what you're feeling with someone... I actually think that's something which you should be allowed to feel at the moment.

Something I might suggest is, if you really do need a lot more time to yourself for the moment, to sleep more etc, using small opportunities, when you're at your best, to try to keep things in order a little, like writing short notes for yourself on what you'd like to be able study or just catching up on the very basics of current topics, which you can come back to easily without being lost. Sort of preparing yourself for things improving can be therapeutic in itself if you're lucky. Maybe that might help?

All my best wishes to you. Look after yourself.

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Saffron Raymie
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Hi Joseph, just wanted to check in with you; how are you feeling today?

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

Posts: 1285 | From: England | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Djuna
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I'm sorry I've taken so long to write back - thanks so much for replying. I've been reading your responses as I go and they've been very helpful but I don't always feel able to answer. Thanks for being there for me. [Smile]

I'm going to try being more organized - I was doing that very well before this happened and then all my plans fell apart for each day. I think I can start again, I just have to find time to plan.

I've been seeing a counsellor but she had to cancel this week, and next week is my last session. I've pretty much just been trying to figure things out as I go. I'm reading more and enjoying my day to day life more, and on Monday I'm going to dye my hair. [Smile]

Posts: 1269 | From: London, UK | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Saffron Raymie
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I'm so happy to hear you're feeling a little better. It really is admirable that you're taking the time to get back on board your action plan! (I'm actually attending my graduation a year after everyone else in my year as I missed every single deadline!) Maybe try to let yourself relax; try not to let other panicking students make you feel flustered. I found writing out plans worked kinda well, to break all work down into little steps. Even if they aren't completely followed, they're there as guidelines and it can feel really good if you can tick something off that you've done. You could take the time to be proud of yourself for being so organsied and motivated with this while healing.

Honestly, I understand how insanely difficult it is to be hurting and healing and having to adhere to deadlines at uni - you're rocking it.

Reading is so theraputic for healing, does it seem like going somewhere else for a while?

What colour will your new hair be? [Smile]

[ 10-29-2011, 04:05 PM: Message edited by: RaeRay2112 ]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

Posts: 1285 | From: England | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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