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Alright so my ex-girlfriend and I have been on better terms again and stuff. She cheated on me last year but i know she completely regrets it. She also has a boyfriend right now but thats not really goin too much. So there's a good possibility of her breaking up with him. Anyway... I'm not too sure what I think about us getting back together. We have great conversations and stuff, and she seems much more laid-back, like me. But I'm afraid the arguments will start again, and I just feel like this is completely a bad idea. But the other side of me thinks it will be totally fine. I'm completely split. It makes me sick, because I've missed her so much for the past 4 or 5 months, even though I was the one who broke up with her...I just want some opinions or something.
posted
Hi dtfan, Just to be clear, is this the same person that cheated on you with your best friend, and also falsely accused him of rape to cover up the cheating? If it is I would think long and hard about letting this person back in your life, let alone dating her again.
Personally, I tow a really hard line around honesty in any relationship. I think life is too short to have people in my life that are dishonest.
Maybe some questions you could ask yourself are: Do you think being with her again would be emotionally safe for you? What, if anything, has changed about her that you think she wouldn't lie (and cheat) again? Her having a boyfriend currently also makes things even more complicated. It seems like there is a lot at stake emotionally for many people involved.
Also, my personal opinion about someone falsely accusing another of rape is that it is a much, much bigger deal than lying about cheating. And for me lying is a very big deal. It is hard for me to express how much false accusations of rape hurt so many people.
I hope this helps. ~Janie
-------------------- I don't want you to settle, I want you to grow. Posts: 21 | From: Northeast USA | Registered: Mar 2010
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posted
To echo what Janie said; it really doesn't sound like this person is safe to be deeply emotionally involved with.
I would also add that when we go into a relationship feeling anxious or feeling like it's going to have a terrible impact on our emotional wellbeing; it's rarely ever much fun for us, because we find it difficult to really relax and enjoy it, if you know what I mean?
Four or five months really isn't a long time to give ourselves to be able to really heal from the end of a relationship, espcially one that caused some serious hurt. It doesn't really matter who was the one to end it; it's still very difficult, and can be more so when we were the ones to finish it. Have you been taking care of yourself, and doing things that usually make you feel better; like spending time with your other friends since the break-up?
We're all here if you feel you want to talk about the hurt that you have been through, with the relationship difficulties and the ending of the relationship.
Have you felt a little better in the four or five months since? It's okay if not; these things really do take their time.
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. - Elie Wiesel Posts: 1231 | From: England | Registered: Oct 2010
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