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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Why am I so jealous?

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Author Topic: Why am I so jealous?
artsy123
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Member # 77253

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So...I admit I have a jealousy problem. Ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and I really do trust him and love him but I tend to get bothered by every girl who he appears to be flirting with or when my sister walks out practically naked (which she tends to do a lot) or when he says a girl is pretty, etc.

I dont know what it is that makes me get so upset...I'm guessing its mainly insecurity because I cant think of anything else...but I just wish there was something to do that would help me be a little less jealous. I hate how I get mad at him for no reason which makes both of us upset and I really wish I could make that stop.

Any advice? I think I explained myself well enough?

Posts: 5 | From: New York | Registered: Aug 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Can you fill me in a little on how you feel about yourself, by yourself, and then yourself in the context of this relationship?

For instance, do you feel secure in this relationship, like, for instance, whatever agreements you and your boyfriend have made about exclusivity are agreements he'll honor? Do you feel like he values you? Does his choosing to be with you, rather than others he also finds attractive (and you probably have some folks you have found attractive besides him too, right?) is meaningful to you?

And when it comes to you, by yourself, do you....well, think you're awesome? When around others, can you appreciate them, however different or similar they may be to you, or are you more inclined to see others as in competition with you for something?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68255 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
artsy123
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Member # 77253

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I do think he'll honor agreements between us and he definitely values me...which is mainly why i dont understand why i get so jealous.

And I'm not just some silly teenager in love with love, he's my best friend and I trust him more than anyone i know, I really think my jealousy problem is seated in insecurity towards myself.

And to be honest...I kind of think I do see others as in competition with myself....like when girls are talking to him I feel the need to prove to him I'm better than them...yet I dont generally feel I'm better than them myself. I tend to end up hating all the girls hes friends with even though I can clearly see theyre good people ...I dont want to be like that because I really dont want to be see as that jealoous crazy girlfriend by him or anyone else....I'm just having a hard time changing the way I feel

Posts: 5 | From: New York | Registered: Aug 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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