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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » controlling my life

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Author Topic: controlling my life
Member # 48954

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I'm 22 years old, and I still live at home. I'm graduating college soon, and within the next year I plan to move away to begin my masters degree. My sister has the same plans. We had planned to rent an apartment. But now she wants to live in school housing because she cannot deal with an apartment and school. School housing will be paid with loans and is $800 more expensive per 4 months than an apartment we already found. I would rather pay as I go and end up paying less and not have as many loans to pay back later. If she goes into school housing, it will force me to do the same thing because I cannot afford to live on my own at first.

I don't wanna feel like I'm 18 again. I've never lived in school housing but it's not something I want to do. I want more independance. I wnt to feel like I'm 22 and not like I'm 18. I'm ready to grow up and get out into the world. She'll be holding me back.

What is she going to do when shes done with her masters? try to find a job with no experience? or how is she going to keep a full time job and deal with everything else life throws at you? yes, i know school and work at the same time will be hard, but it's not impossible. i know i can do it.

My parents are worse. My mother freaks out if I'm not home by midnight. I don't party, drink, use drugs, etc. Things has to go her way or she gets so mad. I'm not close to any of my family. I don't belong here. There's no point in trying to talk to them about this because it'll be viewed as me "being a big baby and getting mad because i dont get my way" They don't have a car. Havent for 3 years.. so they've taken over mine. i cant use it when i want and have to ask permission. i rarely go anywhere because of it unless i have someone pick me up. yet, i pay ALL of the gas and maintenance (except insurance)because its "my" car. i can't even be normal and drive myself to school!

I WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE I'M 22!!! I don't know what to do! My 15 year old sister has more freedom than i've got!

[ 01-23-2011, 07:20 PM: Message edited by: Tayler ]

Posts: 13 | From: USA | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 50403

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That's really unfair, and at the same time I don't see anything you can do until you move out. I can't wait to be on my own either. I've got to get out of here soon or I'll explode.

the sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead

Posts: 26 | From: New Mexico | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 48954

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You and me both! It really doesn't help that my sister is so close to my dad and my younger sister so close to my mom. Lately a lot of whispering has been going on and when I come around my parents will shush my sister. i don't know what goes on in their lives anymore other than the bits and pieces I hear. Really doesn't help either that I've been told to "get out" a lot over the last 4 years.
Posts: 13 | From: USA | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 46170

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Hey Tayler, that's a tough situation for sure.

If your sister no longer wants to rent an apartment with you though, have you looked into finding a roommate? For instance do you have any friends at college that are also looking for a place, or looking for an extra roommate or who might know someone who is?

Conversly, if you do have to live on student housing, have you looked into the (possibly) different options that are available to you? I'm not 100% certain why you feel living on campus will impair your freedom but I know at my university there are a wide range of different living styles, from traditional dorm to apartment to town houses, and all with varying levels of supervision (for instance in the dorms, which are largely first year, residency advisors tend to have a greater role while in other living situations they take on a more landlord like role). From my understanding the master students at my university tend to have access to housing that really doesn't include much involvement from Residency Advisors at all.

Maybe, if you can't find roommates or cheaper off campus housing, you could look into these options? Or talk to someone who has lived on campus to fill you in on their experience?

[Edit] Also, have you talked to any student advisors at your school about help finding a living situation that can work for you? Often universities are aware of low coast housing options close to campus or have programs to help students find housing.

[ 01-23-2011, 09:24 PM: Message edited by: skiesofgreen ]

Posts: 245 | From: British Columbia, Canada | Registered: Mar 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 48954

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I know I'll have freedom living in student housing, but I won't feel like it. I need to feel like I'm independent. I don't want to feel like a college student anymore.

Thanks for the suggestions! Will definitely looks into them!

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Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Just so you know, in case it turns out student housing winds up being your only option, I do think you'll find that it's very different than living at home and you will feel a LOT more independent than you do now.

If it helps to know, my first two years of college I lived in student housing having lived very independently before then, and it didn't feel like moving backwards to me at all. Mostly just like living in a different apartment building than I was living in before where I hung out a lot more with my neighbors.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Have you actually looked at the student housing options available for graduate students at the school you're going to attend?

I ask because at most colleges, the grad student/family housing is VASTLY different than the undergraduate options. At most of the universities I know much about, they don't even put grad students in the dorms unless they are being paid to be RAs/GAs. The graduate student options are pretty much all apartment style living where only grad students (or some undergrads who have families) live there. Usually these options are not right in the center of campus either, they are more often on the outskirts. The "rules" in these communities also tend to be quite different than in undergrad dorms.

Here's the thing though...if you're going to college in a "college town" and it's not a residential college (meaning that 90%+ of the undergrad population live on campus), you're still going to be living with college students. I hear you on not wanting to feel like a student anymore. In the past, I've searched long and hard to find rentals where we didn't have to live next to undergrads. (NOT that I have a problem with them...but as someone who's taught during her entire graduate career, I don't want to live next door to my students.) If you're close to campus, I can almost guarantee you'll have student neighbors. The cheaper the rent, the more likely there will be other students living there. That's just the way it works in college towns. The bigger the college, the more pronounced it'll be.

Sarah Liz

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Member # 48954

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I really appreciate everybody's input! The college I plan to attend is really small.. in a town of about 3000. The apartment that we found that we both like will not rent to undergraduate students. Graduate students are accepted only after an interview and cannot "party". It's pretty much for more older people. Not really the elderly, but middle age. I have no problem living in an older community like that. I always say I was born into the wrong time period because I've always gotten along with them so much more!
Posts: 13 | From: USA | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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