posted
I am in a complicated predicament and wanted to seek some advice from others. I have been in a relationship for 2 years now, well it would have been two years tomorrow, but he broke up with me last week. We are a long distance relationship. He is 22, I am 20. We both work and go to school, but since he has to pay for more bills, I am the one who usually pays for the flights to go see him (~$400 each trip) and I try to see him once a month. Usually I would move on from the breakup, but this time it is different.
I had booked a flight to see him in three weeks, and a hotel for our anniversary (we were going to celebrate it late), both are nonrefundable. He knew this, and he agreed to book them with me, so I went ahead and paid. It costed me about 800$ for both the flight and hotel, because he wanted the hottub suite. I have no problem paying for things like this because I like to give what I can for the relationship. I also went to see the OBGYN for the first time on Thursday last week to get on the pill for safer sex with my boyfriend, and I called him that night and he wants to breakup. He does not tell me a reason, and he tells me he does not want to talk to me ever again, and hung up on me. Well, he did say he felt I lied to him and cheated on him at one point, but doesn't care. This was confusing to me because just two days before the breakup, he had been telling me just how much he loved me and how excited he was to see me soon.
I talked to his older sister about what he did on Friday, and she was pissed at how he treated me, but she called him and told him he needed to talk to me. He called me Saturday night to talk, and started with "This is how it will go. I talk. You will listen. Then I'm hanging up to go sleep." Then he just tells me he didn't care about whether or not I lied/cheated, and he didn't want to talk to me and to leave him alone. He also said he did not want to be in a relationship that wasn't beneficial to him, or with someone he didn't care for/love. When I started to talk, he hung up to call his friend for two hours. (I know this because of his sister).
I really feel like he is just trying to be a cold jerk to me to push me as far as he can, but I believe he still has feelings for me. He couldn't have told me last week how he couldn't wait to see me or how happy I made him, and then do a complete 180 with his feelings, saying he doesn't care at all for me. I was even invited to his sister's wedding and that was another reason I was going to see him in 3 weeks. He asked me to take care of the gift since he is "broke" and I ended up painting a painting for her.
I think his best friend Mac (not using real names) influenced him to breakup with me. His friend Mac just went through a breakup because Mac's own gf had been cheating on him. He dumped her and changed his number so she couldn't call him anymore. My ex stayed with Mac at Mac's house for the past 3 weeks to comfort him, and I think Mac told him I was probably cheating too since I live further than his ex did. Mac also has never liked me, well he started not liking me one year into the relationship (last summer). I spent 7 weeks straight in the summer with my ex (rented an apartment) just to be with him. We'd go to Mac's house to chill and watch movies and all every few days, but Mac wanted "alone time" with my ex and started hating me because I "stole" his friend away whenever I was in town.
Anyways, I think my ex still loves me, but is pushing me away and cutting off all communication because of Mac. He doesn't want to reveal his true feelings, and talking to me would do that... I left my laptop, dvd player, some clothes/bags, an air mattress, and some other things at his house, so I need to pick them up. I figured that since the trip was already paid for, I could just go and pick up my stuff and maybe talk to the ex... but I don't know if he would come pick me up or not. He did say he will not help pay for the trip and I don't really mind. I just wish he'd just sit and talk to me, and explain what happened. I deserve to know...and it'd give me closure. I think he doesn't want to talk because 1. he doesn't really want this, and 2. whenever we talked in the past, we made up from fights and all was good. He is being very immature and irresponsible.
Posts: 14 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2010
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First off, I'm sorry that you're going through this.
I'd also suggest that you call the hotel and see if you can at least scale back your reservation. Even if they won't completely refund your reservation, they may be a bit flexible. Also, I think it's more than reasonable to say that the wedding present is just from you and to let him fend for himself in that department.
I'd also suggest you give him space for a while. If you'd like to send him an email explaining that you have never cheated and feel very confused by this break up, I see nothing wrong with that. BUT, I would stress that you're not looking for an immediate reply, since it does not seem like he is in a space to talk right now.
If possible, it might be best to set up a time to collect your things through his sister. Do they live together?
Ultimately, you may never know exactly why he chose to break up with you--he seems pretty determined right now not to talk to you, and you should respect that choice of his. It may be that in three weeks he will be more open to talking and you can sort out, but there's no guarantee of that.
Posts: 2262 | From: in transition | Registered: Apr 2008
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I don't know you, your ex or his friend so my advice might not be great...
I'm sure, since you two dated for two years, that you know eachother very well. You must know his qualities, what he likes, etc, and vice-versa, but Mac doesn't. He might just see the negative sides of you and since you live far from them, Mac might be using those negative aspects (which could be all he knows about you) to try and get your ex to stop talking to you.
My friends don't really like my girlfriend, they find her annoying but they're nice about it and know I love her.
I think you should try sending him emails, or try to keep calling and let him know that you want closure and real reasons for the breakup, if that doesn't work then I suggest you call his sister again and ask her to explain to him what you want..
Like I said, I don't know him well but from what I do know he seems like a jerk. He has never helped you pay for the flights? Has he ever went to see you instead of you always going over there? He can't even tell you real reasons why you two have broken up.
If calling him and his sister don't work, I say get over it. It might be hard, but the faster you do so the less time you waste in finding someone that respects you and treats you right. Again, I don't know you, but it seems like you are willing to compromise which makes me believe you deserve better.
@atm1: The hotel is nonrefundable, and they said they could scale it back but for a fee of course. But I don't ever see myself going up to Ohio for any other reason in the future... Haha. As for the emails, I did send him one or two last weekend asking for an explanation, confirming I have never been unfaithful (I frankly dont have the money or time to have an affair as a college student!), and hoping he'd talk to me soon. He lives with his parents, and I would collect my items from his parents, but they will be busy with the sister prepping for the wedding that week I should be flying in. So my only option is with the ex-bf. I have told him I'd like to come to pick up my items and to talk to him as he doesn't like talking on the phone, but he says it would be a bad idea, and he does not want me there. Maybe time will change this, but it's frustrating me.
@JordanGM: I'm aware advice only goes so far when you don't personally know the person seeking it, and I appreciate your response. I really do. Mac does only know my bad qualities (which are I'm too quiet when meeting people for the first time, and I can be very clingy to my ex) since my ex did not ever want to talk to him about me. Emails, he can delete, so I'm not sure about that. I haven't tried to call him since last weekend, but hopefully he will call soon... Today was supposed to be our two year anniversary, and it's been a rather difficult and sad day for me to not pick up the phone and call him. No, he has never helped pay for the flights. I always went to see him because he worked, and I did not, so I had more "free" time to be visiting. He couldn't take off many work days to fly to see me. That is only one of the many things I have done for him, among helping him graduate, get his degree, helped with homework and studying for exams, waking him up in the morning for work, etc... and I feel I deserve to know why we broke up. I know it's sad that I'm still holding on to this and not letting it go, but I will with time, and I just feel he owes me a talk sometime soon. >_<;
Thanks again for the replies.
Posts: 14 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2010
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Hmm... if the downgrade would save money, I might go through with it,
What I would do is speak to his sister and his parents to make absolutely sure that *they* communicate to him that he really needs to let you pick up your belongings. Even if he doesn't want to talk, everyone around him should make it very, very clear that whatever he's feeling isn't an excuse to prevent you from getting your belongings.
Another option for getting his parents help is that, in exchange for making sure you get your belongings, you offer yourself up as a helper for one or two days. I'm assuming that you'll have extra time while there, and at *every* wedding I've been to, I've always ended up helping with some odds and ends. If you can offer a day of organizing or cooking, I'm sure they'd be more than happy to help you get your belongings. Ultimately, you'll be saving them enough time so that it makes sense for them to go out of their way to help you.
I'd like to point out that if he was working and wasn't a full time student, he really should have at least made an effort to help with part of the travel costs. Too, it's sounding to me like this relationship was pretty one sided in terms of effort and time invested and that just isn't a dynamic that's healthy in the long run. So, as painful as this may be now, it may be for the best in your future.
Posts: 2262 | From: in transition | Registered: Apr 2008
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posted
Thanks for your reply again atm1. I have tried to talk to his sister, but his sister refuses to help me. She says if he wants to talk to me, he will contact me. She will make sure I get my things, and has offerred to ship them for me, but I doubt my ex would return my laptop because he needs it. That's why I want to go pick it up. Plus he does not have the money to ship all my items to me. (Would be around $100-150 due to weight).
I just tried to call his mom, but she did not pick up. I hope she was just busy, but she could have also not wanted to get involved so she didn't want to talk. I hope she was just busy. She's known how much I've spent every month on her son, and how much I've helped him with school and life... so I'm kind of just stuck here right now.
I am aware it was one-sided in regards of money and efforts to visit, and I didn't mind because when I visited, he actually showed me more affection than I showed him! (always wanted to hold hands, cuddle, etc.) It is why I find it very hard to believe that 5 days before the breakup, he was so excited to see me...and then we breakup and he wants nothing to do with me. It is why I think he's being pressured into this by his friend. And his response to get me to not come up to see him (or he'd change his mind because he can't tell it to my face that he doesn't love me) is to be a complete jerk to me.
I did email him yesterday since it was our anniversary, but I did not mention anything about asking him why we broke up or why he wasn't talkign to me. All the email said was I hope we could handle this like adults and be responsible, and asked if he'd come pick me up and talk and let me get my stuff. He replied back and said no. He wasn't going to pick me up, he wasn't going to talk to me. Then he listed a bunch of old problems we had in the past (which we fixed and continued to be happy as they were "fixed" and he even told me how much happier he was with all those things cleared) such as I was too clingy and blowing up his phone, etc.
I don't understand it at all.
Posts: 14 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2010
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posted
I'm glad his sister is at least offering to help you get your belongings. That's something, at least.
I do understand her desire to not get in the middle of the fight, though--I do think she is taking a very reasonable approach to this.
As for your laptop--that's really something that you have every right to get back. If you have his sisters and/or parents email addresses, I would suggest waiting a couple of days (or even a week) and then sending an email listing all of your belongings that you know that he has. Very calmly ask for help from either him or his family to retrieve them while you are there. Point out that shipping makes no sense, since you already have the plane ticket. I do encourage you to enlist the help of his whole family in retrieving something as valuable as a computer if you do not believe he will return it willingly.
I definitely suggest waiting several days to a week before contacting him again. When you do, I'd make it clear that you will let him talk to you on *his* terms and when he wants, but that you want to have a pleasant time at his sister's wedding and that you need all of your belongings back. I think that pushing him to talk is just going to make him more resistant to any actions on your part.
At this point, it doesn't seem like any of your conversations about your relationship are productive. Focusing on the logistics of getting your belongings is probably going to be the best route.
If you do get in touch with his mom (or even just leave a message), focus on saying that you'll enjoy seeing her and that you really need her help to get your belongings back. Don't ask her to speak to him on your behalf--that will just alienate her (and him).
Posts: 2262 | From: in transition | Registered: Apr 2008
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posted
I'm really sorry this is happeneing to you. I know it can't be easy. Maybe he had a change of heart? But he should at least tell you why. I know you know him very well, but is there any chance he could be on a type of drug? I know people change when they get on drugs, or go through withdraws from drugs. Thats probably not it, but theres so many reason as why hes acting like this.
If I was you, I'd fly up there, contact his sister, show up and have his sister help you gather your things and then leave. I wouldn't care if he needed YOUR laptop, if he can't even be kind enough to talk with you about anything, i wouldn't give him the benefit of the doubt.
I hope things work out for you.
Posts: 78 | From: Louisiana | Registered: Jun 2010
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posted
@atm1: Thanks for your continuous replies. Hehe. I have tried to ask his sister for help, but as she is busy moving into a new apartment with her fiance this weekend and getting ready for the wedding, she cannot help much. She refused to help me anymore as she does not agree with my coming to visit, but she has left it to me as it is untimately my choice to do what I want... As for his family, I have only tried to talk to his sister, himself, and his mom. His mom did not pick up the phone last night. I left a message, but she has not returned it. I don't know if she was just busy with July 4th stuff, or if she's ignoring me on purpose.
I'm not allowed to attend the wedding unless the ex-boyfriend wants me there. That's what the sister said. She doesn't want to cause a scene, and she has to respect her brother in some manner, even if she does not agree with how he is treating me.
As for giving it time...my flight is in 2 and a half weeks. I'm not sure if I can give this time, even if I wanted to. Haha...I still feel like the ex is just sayign things to keep me from coming because he doesn't want his true feelings to emerge. He can't be an ******* to me in person. And I truely believe he's doing this for his friend, because his friend is afraid to be lonely when I visit...since whenever I visited in the past, my ex would spend time with me and not with the friend since the friend didn't want to hang out with me, and my ex wasn't going to leave me alone when I flew there. But I don't want to get back with him after all this. I just want my things and it's getting more frustrating by each day because he won't send it back, he won't pick me up, and his mom is not calling me back.
@Brittanycookie: He isn't on any drugs, except a prescription drug for his A.D.D. He stopped taking those last month since he ran out and doesn't have the $70 to refill it... so maybe he's going through withdraws from that. I don't know why he's acting like this. There was no warning, and I did so much for him to be treated this way. He was even more affectionate than I was in person! He was the one who'd want to hold hands if we weren't. He'd want to cuddle on the couch watching tv, if I was sitting on the other couch. He'd want to do all those things...and I was happy to oblige, but it just showed to me that he did love me or at least felt the same way I did if not more...He was telling me how excited he was to see me just 2 days before the breakup. It is so frustrating! I still plan to fly up there, but my problem is I have no way to get around (I could always get a cab as a last resort) and no one would be at the house to let me in. His sister will be prepping for her wedding. I have already asked her if she'd help me. I agree that if he is done with me, he should be done with my laptop as well.
This situation is just so frustrating and so odd. -_-;; I wish I wasn't in it. I had a horrible 4th of July because when I started lighting fireworks, I thought back to last year. I rented an apartment up there just to be with him for 7 weeks...and we went to his family BBQ for the 4th of July. As they lit the fireworks, he pulled me to the hammock and we lade there watching the fireworks in the sky. It was awfully romantic. It made me sad. Posts: 14 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2010
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posted
If y'all have been together for so long, and he just up's and dumps you. I find it hard to believe after this whole time his friend just now made an affect on him. So I woulnd't be so sure that's it. Maybe you could just show up at his house? He'd have to talk to you then, hehe. Tell him your there to get your things and leave. To make it easier for him. I know it's tough but you've just got to be strong. For yourself.
Posts: 78 | From: Louisiana | Registered: Jun 2010
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posted
Even though the flight is in two weeks, I still suggest you take a week off of contacting everyone in the family.
Does his sister's offer to ship everything still stand? If so, that might be the route you need to go (and make *sure* you give her a list a be firm that the laptop needs to be included).
Even if the flight is non-refundable, you may be able to turn it into credit towards another flight with the same airline. Have you looked into that?
Posts: 2262 | From: in transition | Registered: Apr 2008
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@Britt: Well, his friend Mac has been a pain in our butts for the past year. Ever since I rented an apartment last summer there for 7 weeks in July to be with the ex, Mac started to hate me because those two didnt get "alone time" when I was there. He didn't like that I was even in the same house as them. Mac wanted to be in the house alone with my ex to play video games or something. I don't get it, but my ex and I would go over to Mac's house every few days for a movie or just to hang out...but it wasn't enough for Mac. This is why I think Mac's the one pressuring him into this decision and not to talk to me. Mac has always had a huge influence on my ex, and I think he is tired of having to pick and choose between him and me, so he gave me up since he knew Mac longer, and I'm so far away. Mac probably heard I was coming to visit soon, and feared being alone now that he is girlfriendless, and didn't want my ex to not hang out with him those two weeks I'd be visiting... Ugh!
I would just show up at his house, sure...but he may very well be spending the night at Mac's every night he doesn't work. He has been doing that the past two weeks back when we were still dating. And I'm not welcome at Mac's house. I would just forget about my stuff, except some aren't even mine, and I want my laptop back. Some are my sister's and dad's things that I lent him.
@atm1: I did contact his aunt this morning, just to see what she thought. I didn't call his mom after that first night, since she hasn't returned my call... The aunt knew we broke up, but didn't know why. No one knows why. She said it's a guy thing; I may never know why. She told me that if I love him, to let him go and he'll come back to me if he does love me... and even if he doesn't, there's plenty of other fish, and I'm still young. All of this is true, I know, but it's still hard to let go of him after all I've done for him, and especially when he just up and left with no reason, and doesn't want to talk! After I talked to the aunt, I talked to his older cousin, which was the son of the aunt I just talked to, and he thinks my ex sounds like he's lashing out in anger, and asked if the ex ever thought I cheated. I told him yes, the ex broke up with me and said he felt I cheated at one point or another, but didn't care if I did or didn't. The cousin told me to give him a week or so, and then try to talk to him again, because eventually he will want to talk to me. I highly doubt this though...
As for his sister's shipping offer, she is in the process of moving into her new apartment with her fiance, and lvies 3 hours from the ex. So she will be really busy with moving in, and her wedding preparations... so if she were to ship my things, it would still be a month's wait or more... after her wedding, moving in, and the honeymoon, etc. I have looked into crediting the flight. It would cost a fee, and well... The flight was originally $240, then I had to change it for $90 more to a week earlier to attend the wedding. I didn't find out I was invited until after I booked the ticket. I was going to visit the ex the week after the wedding. This leaves the ticket at a total of $330. There would be a $75 fee to credit it, and well... that's starting to add up. The hotel room is nonrefundable at all since it was an advanced online web purchase.
If only he would just come out, man up, and talk to me -_-; Sooo less frustrating.
Posts: 14 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2010
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posted
Maybe you could talk to the aunt, and she could drive you up to the ex's house to gather your things. And if his mom or your ex is there just simply say that you couldnt change the flight so while you where there it would easy for you to get your things since it would be so hard for him to ship them. I know it can be difficult. But is Mac gay? He might like your ex and thats why he always wants to be alone with him, he might feel like your trying to take his friend. I know just how that goes. But there could be so many different reasons!
Posts: 78 | From: Louisiana | Registered: Jun 2010
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posted
This Mac character sounds like a really bad dude.
Otherwise there are a few things that strike me as really strange.Your ex spent the entire two weeks prior to breaking up with you spending the night at this guys apt. He is likely spending every free moment there now. Mac broke up with his girlfriend, and then your ex broke up with you. Mac dislikes you, doesn't want you around at all, and wants your ex to spend all his time with him. In short, Mac is acting like a jealous girlfriend.
I know it's a real long shot, but is it possible your ex and Mac are more than just friends? In this situation if Mac were a girl, no one would think twice about suggesting it.
This is just how it sounds to me. It sounds like he's treating you like he would if he left you for another girl. Cutting contact, being cold ect.
Again that's just my two cents, and it is a real long shot, but I wanted to suggest it because no one else has.
posted
Haha. I have thought of them being gay before. The ex would get so mad if I ever mentioned the word or suggested it. He did agree with me at one point that Mac may be bisexual, since he had a girlfriend at the time. My ex spending all that time with Mac before the breakup does make me believe Mac pressured him into it, and yes, I agree Mac acts like a jealous girl/boyfriend. But I do believe Mac has no other friends besides my ex, and now that he is girlfriendless, he only has my ex. My ex also lost all his friends due to his spending time with Mac and me when I visited...and that's why my ex spends whatever time he has with Mac. It really does sound like they are gay, and it is possible... that Mac is forcing him to not talk to me or see me because he knows my ex would fall for me again and make up like we usually do, and Mac can't have that... -_-; I'm not wanting him back. I just want to know why and to get my stuff. But the ex refuses to ship my laptop back because he "needs" it. Which seems to me that he is using this kind of as a reason to keep ties with me, despite his claims to want to cut all ties with me. Who knows.... I'm so confused. -_-;
Posts: 14 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2010
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posted
I second the suggestion to ask for the aunt's help in getting back your belongings. Surely his family must realize that things as valuable as a laptop need to be returned to you.
As crazy as this sounds, do you have any proof of purchase for the laptop? If so, and if necessary, you can file a claim against him in small claims court. Even if you don't, if you have others who'll sign a statement saying it's yours, you can basically get a court order for him to return it to you. You don't need a lawyer to do this--you can probably google "small claims court" + the county where you initially lent him the laptop, and you should find some information on how to go about filing a claim. There will be some small fees, but those shouldn't amount to more than 50-100 dollars (eg much less than the cost of buying a new laptop).
Finally, I do agree with your aunt that you may never know why he's broken up with you. BUT you're definitely entitled to your things.
[and, if anything, this can be a time to realize that it's often not a wise thing to leave valuables with your significant other...]
Posts: 2262 | From: in transition | Registered: Apr 2008
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posted
I just thought of something. When you go up there to get your laptop back give the local police a call if o one else will help you. It might seem like a bit much, but with something as expensive a a laptop, I don't think it's too much.
So I talked to my mom, she's an attorney, just to double check this, and here's what she said.
Do in fact call the local police and ask them if they will help you get your stuff back. Make sure you call the non emergency number. Tell them your boyfriend broke up with you and will not give you the opportunity to get your belongings. Hopefully you've saved the e-mails where he expressed he will not give you your stuff back (the laptop). This will show proof that it is in fact yours, and that he is being uncooperative. Having a receipt would also be helpful. Ask them if they will escort you, or meet you there. They may or may not, it depends on how busy they are and who answers the phone. You can also try the sheriff's office if that is an option for where he lives.
If they won't or can't, you may have to sue. I know that this legal stuff is messy and no one really wants to get involved. But the thing is, he needs to 'act like an adult' and give you your stuff back.
Posts: 43 | From: Raleigh, NC | Registered: Jan 2010
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Thanks guys!! I'm surprised you are all still helping me.. haha.
I am really optimistic and hopeful (and persistent!) usually, so I think I am going to give my ex until next Friday, July 16 to talk to me. Then I'll email him that afternoon and ask him again if he'd come pick me up from the airport and let me collect my things from his house. If he still says no, I'll probably call his mom that Sunday, July 18. If she doesn't pick up again, I'll call her work Monday morning... Yeah, I know, I seem like a crazy psycho stalker right now. >_<; But I fly into Ohio that Wednesday July 21, so it's coming up pretty fast... I will call the aunt for help again if the mom refuses to help me out too...
If his mom & aunt both refuse to help me, then I will definitely consider moving this to a small claims court order or involving the police. I just really don't want to have it come to that as it's a lot of trouble, and I hate involving officials. I don't like the police much personally... As for sueing, that gets really messy because I'd have to hire an attorney, and those are expensive! Anyway, hopefully it won't come to that. 0:)
Oh, I did call one of my ex's old friends last Wednesday, just to see what he thought and if he'd talked to my ex about the breakup. He hadn't, but he doesn't agree with how my ex is handling this. He called me back just about 30 min ago, and asked me if I'd heard from the ex still. I said no, but I told him about my email and his email reply. So his friend said he would try to give my ex a call tonight and see if they could get lunch next week together, and maybe he could talk to my ex and figure out his side of the story and what happened, and persuade him to talk to me and return everything to me when I go there. I have my fingers crossed. This would be soooo much better than involving the mom, aunt, or authorities... I haven't had much luck this year, but I hope that's gonna change.
Posts: 14 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2010
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posted
Hopefully everything works out okay without involving court officials. Ad hopefully this friend will be able to get through to your ex. He is making this unnecessarily drawn out. And you're right, if he really wanted to to straight up ship out, he'd dump your stuff on your doorstep himself. At least that's how -I'd- do it.
Good luck though, please keep us updated. And if you need any more free nonprofessional legal advice just ask. My mom held her legal license in Ohio and practiced there for nine years.
If I may ask, whereabouts in Ohio does he live?
Posts: 43 | From: Raleigh, NC | Registered: Jan 2010
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Yes! Hopefully his friend will get through to him... He's one of my last hopes. My ex says he doesn't want to talk to me and wants me to get over him and move on because he has... but then why hasn't he shipped my things already, and why is he still replying to SOME of the messages I've been leaving him? Granted he did't reply to the last email reply I sent to his harsh email last week...
It still makes zero sense to me what happened or why he's acting like a total d-bag... but yes, I'll keep you all updated!! Thanks, Nightshade! That's just soooo cool to find someone in this forum with a mom who had a legal license in Ohio. I fly into the Akron/Canton airport when I visit him, and he lives in the Copley area (near Barberton/Cuyahoga Falls). It's a little south of Cleveland, I'd say 40 minutes from there?
Posts: 14 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2010
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I'm running out for the day, but FYI, you don't need a lawyer for small claims court--in fact, in many places they are strongly discouraged. Small claims court is what it is because the claims are so small, it's not worth involving a lawyer.
(Think Judge Judy. That's small claims court and no one has a lawyer).
I do agree that going to the local police is a better option, though.
First and foremost, good luck with the friend!
Posts: 2262 | From: in transition | Registered: Apr 2008
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Thanks! What exactly would I tell the local police if I did have to contact them, and what do I show/bring to them? I don't want to seem like a psycho ex-girlfriend who is wasting their time... haha.
I guess I'm just starting to freak out since I only have 12 days before my flight, and nothing has changed since the breakup. I was hoping he would call after a week or two but he hasn't, and since I know he's still hanging out with his friend Mac, I know he won't.
When I do fly there, I was planning on seeing him at work if he refused to talk to me beforehand... But I don't know if that would just make him more angry with me, or if he would actually talk and let me get my things... I really don't know what to think of him anymore, or what he would do. Usually, I would say he'd stop being that d-bag and talk to me if he saw me...but who knows what his friend Mac has been feeding him these past two weeks about me. Sigh.
@Nightshade: I'd kind of like to talk to you more about this, since your mom may be more help to me. If you have AIM, MSN, or Yahoo, that'd be cool! I can't send you a PM because I'm not a forum leader.
posted
ok i see that you are comming ohio right? i live in ohio and usually at the end of the month the police o\are out bad going for end of the month quota. but my mom knows alot of the officers and if it comes down to it i might be able to have her have an officer help you out. they are really nice guys, hopefully it dont come down to that though. if you need more info my email is [email address removed as per our user guidelines to protect your safety]. yeah i know stupid email name lol i was 15 then and had bad luck with love lol. best of luck to you
[ 07-09-2010, 12:21 AM: Message edited by: orca ]
-------------------- 11-20-09 james tyler mommy loves you Posts: 42 | From: usa | Registered: Mar 2010
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posted
Oh, thanks Night & Ally The emails got removed due to user guidelines, but it's okay. What part of Ohio are you from, Ally? I'm not sure how the Ohio police is different from the Florida ones, but the Florida ones aren't too friendly haha. If I do need further help with that though, I'll post on here...
I'm not sure if I mentioned this in my posts before... but we broke up once before this time. It was back in September 2009, and well, his friend Stephen (not real name obviously, works with my ex, and used to go to the gym with him) asked him at work if he was "really through" with me, and my ex said yeah without hesitation. But obviously, he came back and made up with me after... I did talk to Stephen online last night, and asked if he had seen or spoken to my ex, or knew what was going on with him. Stephen said he doesn't talk or see my ex much, but he did happen to work the same shift my ex did last week, and my ex apparently looked totally depressed... I don't know what else he would be depressed about besides breaking up with me, but why would he be depressed about that when he's the one who doesn't even want to talk to me?! I think his friend Mac forced him into it, and won't let him call/email me to apologize. >_>; Maybe I'm just being too hopeful... Haha.
Posts: 14 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2010
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I want to start off by saying I am so sorry that this has happened. I know that this time must be super hard for you, but here is the thing. Your ex is an a**hole no matter how good he was to you. He basically used you. Okay, granted that he has "more" bills to pay, but if he really wanted to see you he would've saved, done whatever he could to get you to him. He would've sucked it up and figured out a way to see you. I have to say that is very unthoughtful to have you pay for EVERYTHING whether you mind or not.
Another thing is that he has a mind of his own. He is a big boy, so he can fend for himself. SO the friend excuse is pittiful.
I honestly think that he has cheated on you and that's why he accuses you for doing it to him.
Point of this comment/advise is that you need to see that the bottom line is that he used you and he might of liked you, but not enough to continue being with you.
I am sorry that I am being so blunt, but this is what I see. You dont need to demand for him to explain. He will tell you when he is ready.
Good luck to you and keep your head up. Men come and go and I am a big believer that things happen for a reason. Posts: 12 | From: In La La Land | Registered: Jul 2010
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Mac does only know my bad qualities (which are I'm too quiet when meeting people for the first time, and I can be very clingy to my ex) since my ex did not ever want to talk to him about me. Emails, he can delete, so I'm not sure about that. I haven't tried to call him since last weekend, but hopefully he will call soon... Today was supposed to be our two year anniversary, and it's been a rather difficult and sad day for me to not pick up the phone and call him. No, he has never helped pay for the flights. I always went to see him because he worked, and I did not, so I had more "free" time to be visiting. He couldn't take off many work days to fly to see me. That is only one of the many things I have done for him, among helping him graduate, get his degree, helped with homework and studying for exams, waking him up in the morning for work, etc... and I feel I deserve to know why we broke up. ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
I know it's sad that I'm still holding on to this and not letting it go, but I will with time, and I just feel he owes me a talk sometime soon. >_<;
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