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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » How to Keep the Fire Burning

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Author Topic: How to Keep the Fire Burning
HumanTeddyBear
Neophyte
Member # 34046

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Ok, I met a girl at a party this past weekend through a mutual female friend of ours (I kinda new her beforehand through classes and stuff but never talked to her extensively til this party). Long story short, we hit it off. We had tremendous spark and chemistry and even a few kinky things in common. I told one of my bros that I had to get with this girl but I didn't want this to turn into just another hook-up I really wanted something more. He talked with her friend and she said she'd gotten out of a long relationship this past summer and was just in to random hook-ups for awhile then went on a dry spell. She says she'll do "anything" for me to help this go down but it may take awhile. Then they leave the party and on the ride home my buddy told me this girl wouldn't stop talking about me in the car. Needless to say, I think I have a chance.

That's all well and good BUT I am now on Christmas break and will not be back for a month. They say you gotta strike while the iron is hot. It's hot now but I'm afraid it will cool down in a month. How do I keep this fire burning? I know talking to her as much as possible is out because then I'll just end up looking like a clingy pussy. So what can I do?

Posts: 28 | From: DC | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orca
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33665

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Hey HumanTeddyBear, I saw your post here and responded, but I wanted to give a reminder that such sexist/offensive language like "clingy pussy" is NOT cool here. There are always other ways to express ourselves without putting down the anatomy of a certain sex. For instance, you could have said "I know talking to her as much as possible is out because then I'll just end up looking like I'm obsessed with her" and that would not have been offensive to any groups. Okay?

As for this situation, I mentioned in that other thread that I think some counseling might be really helpful to you. That aside, sometimes people lose interest, and sometimes they don't. If she (or you; you might lose interest, too) does, then she's not the best partner for you. As well, if you are looking for a long-term relationship (and it sounds like you are, but correct me if I'm wrong), don't you want to know whether or not someone will be able to sustain their interest in you before you get too invested? So how about just taking this one day at a time, maybe exchange a few friendly emails with her if she's up for that, but also give her space to be with her friends and family. If there really is a fire there, it will still be burning in January. If it's not still burning, then consider yourself lucky for having found out sooner rather than later.

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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Posts: 2726 | From: North America | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
HumanTeddyBear
Neophyte
Member # 34046

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Sorry for the offensive language it won't happen again.

NO, again, as stated in the other thread I am not going to counseling at this point because a) my family does not have the money and b) the reason I thought I needed counseling was because of THAT situation with my friend SPECIFICALLY and right now I'm pursuing someone else which is a step in the right direction to remedy that situation. So, can we drop the counseling issue, please?


Anyway, right now the general consensus is that I need to step back and relax a little. No problem, will do. Thanks for the help!

Posts: 28 | From: DC | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orca
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33665

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As Lena warned you in that other thread, verbally abusing and harassing staff and volunteers is not okay and goes against site guidelines, so if you want to stay at this site, you're going to have to tone it down. In case you didn't see the timestamp, I wrote this response before you wrote that other one talking about not wanting therapy. And in case you don't remember, you came here asking us for help in locating counseling services, therefore it stands to reason that the next time you post we would follow up with you to see how that went. Rather than get snarky, if you don't like the advice I give, you can simply say that you'd like someone else's opinion and I can leave a note for another volunteer to respond to you.

As for the expenses of counseling, have you checked to see if your school offers counseling services free of charge to students? Most schools do. That might be a good place to start. I suggest counseling because, based on what you have posted during your time here, you were very fixated on that one person for quite some time and had a difficult time coping with her rejection. Moving on to another person doesn't tend to solve any problems or hang-ups we may have around relationships, dating, and handling rejection if we haven't dealt with those issues first. Many people find counseling a good way to help them have healthier relationships. I'd like to see you happy and enjoying a good, healthy relationship, so that's why I suggest the counseling.

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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Posts: 2726 | From: North America | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
HumanTeddyBear
Neophyte
Member # 34046

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I apologize again as I did not see the timestamp.

Again, i'm going to have to politely disagree. My school is not a very good place when it comes administration and its wellness center and counseling are both just God awful. I tried that awhile ago and it just made things worse. I know I may not be making the smartest decision and if I'm ranting again in a few months about how i "can't get over my best friend" you have ever right to say I told you so. Could this all fall in my face and I end up right back where I started? Very much so. Could this also lead to something wonderful and possibly a relationship that will dispel any feelings I have towards someone best kept as a friend? Also very much so.

Ok, this may backfire in the future but in the present it seems like the best thing to do. Look it's not just my interest in this new girl. I'm also starting to see my friend in a different light. I'm starting to see that she's jacking her current b/f around and being quite manipulative. I'm starting to see her with these huge flaws and not as this super-human person who can do no wrong in my life. There's nothing wrong with that of course. She is only human and it helps that I'm starting to see that.

Also, I'm making some changes in my own life: staying busier, working out, eating better, really focusing on my acting career etc. So, at this point i'm taking control of my own life, getting healthier, focusing more, and pursuing someone I'm very interested in who finds my strangeness appealing! Therefore, in present time, i do not consider counseling necessary.

Posts: 28 | From: DC | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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