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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » EXTREMEly paranoid

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Author Topic: EXTREMEly paranoid
Smellycheesebot
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The issue itself is not a relationship one, however it does affect my relationships with other people.

Basically, I'm scared. Almost all the time. To the point that I want to cry sometimes. Right now, it's 3:30am, I'm still awake, and I wanted to go to sleep by 2am and I'm very tired.

But there's a window open, and it's hissing, and I'm too scared to sleep. The house is creaking and I can hear my dad accidentally slapping his side table in his sleep. And I'm totally FREAKED out.

I want to say "eh, this is just because I'm tired" but it happens most every night, even when I'm not tired in the least. Zombies, aliens, ghosts, people breaking in, I'm scared of all of it, despite living in a neighborhood where there's only been one murder, it was like 20 years ago, and the perp was a relative of the victims.

My dad used to make up stories about the house being haunted and told me them when I was little and I'm STILL freaked out by them.

This affects my relationship with my family a lot, since my dad yells at me when he sees I'm up late, on nights when I'm honestly too scared to move or sleep.

Sometimes I get needlessly paranoid with my boyfriend, like I worry over really, really, really stupid things that I don't even have a REASON to worry about. And I know he gets really frustrated with this, even though we both know that this is entirely me and not him. Meanwhile, my mom kinda understands, but my dad doesn't seem to really understand at all.

I'm about to go back to school and I have a room to myself next year. It has a bathroom in it and I'm a little worried that the bathroom door is going to scare me at night (yeah, stupid, I know). But I won't have a roommate to "protect" me from the things that go bump in the night.

I don't know why I'm so freaked out, but I honestly need help. I've talked to a councilor, but about different emotional problems I have (that are probably related) and I don't think I can really use anything I learned from that to apply to this situation.

Please help! I'm really tired and I just want to be able to sleep without fear half the time or getting yelled at by my dad or frustrating myself and my boyfriend.

Posts: 27 | From: Oregon | Registered: Sep 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
atm1
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Have you made an effort to get into some regular therapy? This type of anxiety is severe and deep rooted enough that we simply don't have the tools to provide you with a lot of help here.

It's great that you've recognized that you need help, and now you just need to find the right venue for it. Is there a counselor you can see on a weekly basis (preferably for a whole semester or year) at your school? Also, given your issues sleeping, you may want to explore anxiety and sleep aiding medication.

For the mean time, can you sit down with your dad and explain that you're having severe anxiety problems that are preventing you from sleeping? He may just not get that it's not your fault (in fact, it sounds like it's more his). Or can you talk to your mom about it and get her to talk it over with him?

(and by the way, your profile says your 21 years old. Even when you're at home, it's pretty unreasonable for them to be setting a bed time for you, so you can discuss that angle with your parents as well).

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Smellycheesebot
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Yeah, it's just, therapists and counseling is expensive. I've been to one it seems once a year (I was kinda crazy and a bit on the obsessive side with my ex, so I went to get help with that, then I started being over-emotional [like crying when there was nothing to cry about, worrying when there was nothing to worry about, and I was having some bad roommate problems]), and I know I'm probably racking up an intense bill. I asked about anti-anxiety meds last time I went to a counselor (I was talking about how I sometimes imagine problems in a relationship, but luckily am smart enough to realize they are imaginary most of the time) but she said no.

However, I've recently found out that my mom's side of the family is riddled with clinical anxiety and depression.

I'm getting kinda better with the relationship anxieties, and my boyfriend really helps me cope with those and get over them, but the fear of zombies/ghosts/breakins/bears/aliens/nuclear war/the girl from The Ring crawling out of my TV is intense. When I can't get anything to work I've self-medicated a bit with Niquil or a shot of booze (I try to avoid the booze though, the last thing I want to be is an alcoholic, so I'm pretty careful with my booze, since my dad's one, and my uncle was one).

(my parents haven't had a set bedtime for me since I was 12, however, my dad has a tendency to drunkenly yell at me if I'm up past midnight some nights [I sleep in the living room since my bed is kinda broken despite many of my mom and my's attempts to fix it and my bedroom is a storage area pretty much now] and my mom doesn't like it if I'm up past 1).

Posts: 27 | From: Oregon | Registered: Sep 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
atm1
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Have you looked at the counseling options your school offers, or just private ones? Chances are your school offers at least some free or low cost options if it is a residential school.

You can also talk to a general doctor about these problems to see about getting some sleep aids at the least, if you are open to that. You should point out that you are worried about self medicating (which is very clearly a bad plan), and you need help coping. (Just as a note, I've known people with similar problems, and while medication doesn't solve anything in the long run, it can serve as a useful stop gap measure in the short term. I still think long term counseling is the best solution).

Talking directly about not being able to sleep because of paranoia is much more likely to cause concern in a counselor. Since you know that your mom's family has a history of these problems, do you feel like you can talk openly about it with her?

Would you like to tell us (either by posting or using the "contact us" button) your zip code so we can look up some low cost options in year area?

There might also be some other options that could help you, such as some meditation lessons, that you might want to look into as well.

Posts: 2262 | From: in transition | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Smellycheesebot
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I've been to the counseling center at my school for the first two times I needed it. I'm not sure how much it costs, and school is expensive by itself... And it's a major university (UO).

And the self medication really isn't a big deal. It's just a shot of over the counter sleep aids or a tiny (really tiny) bit of booze to knock me out. And even then, I haven't gone through a bottle of sleep aid yet, and I bought a small one over 6 months ago, and I think the amount of booze I've used to help myself sleep has been like 4 shots of not-very-high-proof booze over the last 9 months.

My mom had me learn to meditate when I was really little (through Transcendental Meditation), but... everyone I know that uses that technique is crazy.

Posts: 27 | From: Oregon | Registered: Sep 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orca
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Most universities offer free counseling services up to a set number of sessions (at my college, it's 10 a year), partly because the schools are so expensive and part of your tuition already goes to pay the counsellors, but also because it's considered an important service to the welfare of the student community. So why not give the office a call and ask about an appointment and pricing?

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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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Smellycheesebot
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I'm not sure how much my school charges, but they hint at it being expensive a lot and ask for insurance stuff. If I can't fight it myself living in a room alone, I'll check out counseling and see how much it'll cost me (my dorm is $14k this year...).
Posts: 27 | From: Oregon | Registered: Sep 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Smellycheesebot
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And as an example of how this affects my relationship with my boyfriend...

I logged on to facebook today and saw a residence hall dance. It's not a big surprise that my boyfriend was listed as going since he's an RA, in the complex the dance is, and I think the entrance to the dance is advertised as the entrance to his hall. So it's really not a big deal that he's going.

But I freaked out a bit when I noticed that I hadn't been invited to the dance and that he hadn't mentioned it. I mean, he's essentially going to be chaperoning/working, but I still had a mini anxiety attack over it, the fact that this is involved in his job and I'm not a big fan of going to dances aside. I know he's not cheating or means anything by it, but he and I both find it frustrating when I get upset over these little inconsequential things.

Posts: 27 | From: Oregon | Registered: Sep 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
marigold
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the only thing I can say, is that you really should try to get a counselor. Go check it out now, maybe it IS free or cheap! It's obvious, that you need one. And it could really help.

Also, besides being a stupid idea wasting your time at this level of anxiety, it might also be true, that the earlier you begin, the more of the counselling might you get at a lower price - I don't know, how much time you has until finishing your university, but working out serious issues can take years.

I'm not an expert myself, but when I once had some sessions of counselling, becoming more emotional was a result of dealing with hurtful issues, and maybe even helped. (ok, for my cred I must tell you, that I have stopped due to financial problems.)

I'm so glad, that you has a boyfriend, who can help you dealing with this. It's enviable [Wink] ... And congratulations for being able to manage a relationship. You're so cool.

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Posts: 68 | From: slovakia | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
marigold
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ok, this came out a bit creepy... I just realized that I have mixed a bit in my head your problems with someone else's in the boards, whose mother threats her problems as a sign of being weak, and I just wanted to balance that by saying, that "hey, maintaining relationships is a big thing in itself!".

sorry sorry sorry for the mixing

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Posts: 68 | From: slovakia | Registered: Aug 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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