posted
first off, i'm not a very good person. i accept that, but i need some advice and i have to give some background information first.
i went out with a guy(mat), he was controlling, obsessive, and too clingy. so we were on and off three times. in between one of our break ups i met a great guy(travis)(who doesnt go to my school). dated him for a while till i ran into my ex. thought i was still in love with him. sorta cheated on my boyfriend(travis) with mat. and left the him the next day for my ex. well that ended horribly again. travis took me back cause he was still in love with me.
we'll here we are a month down the road, still together. things are good. school just started, my junior, last year at this school before i move (so i want to go to prom) boyfriend wont even hear of it, he wont. and i have a class with my ex, which i only want friendship with. but since i go to a different school from my boyfriend and he lives half hour away (no car) i'm not sure if i should just be single or maybe be with someone at my school. cause i'm a natural flirt anyway. i really cant help it.
so i just dont know if i should stay with my boyfriend and deal with the distance. or be single and flirty, then maybe be with some at my school.
i need an outsiders help please.
(sorry if so confusing from my ranting)
Posts: 5 | From: Georgia | Registered: Aug 2009
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posted
First of all, why do you think you're a bad person?
Because honestly, that stands out to me more than anything else in this post. Do you think you're a bad person for making mistakes, for cheating, for being unsure of what you want, for being flirty?
What is missing from this post for me is, what do YOU want? If you put aside your ex-boyfriend, is the relationship with Travis working for you right now? Do you feel secure and comfortable in it? Are you OK with not being able to see eachother as much, due to the fact that you attend different schools, don't live near eachother, etc?
(I don't want to be a buzzkill, but a 1/2 hr isn't really "distance". I know for younger people, especially those still in high school or new to relationships, that can seem like a big divide, but when we're talking about relationships with distance, that's not really much on the grander scale.)
You say you're a natural flirt, and that's OK. It really is OK to be flirty and bubbly and outgoing. When that's not OK is when you're in a committed monogamous relationship. So, you can be a natural flirt, but you absolutely CAN help it if/when you decide to be in a relationship with someone. I don't like hearing the "I can't help it" excuse when it comes to being flirty. You can't help how people view your actions or what you say, no, but you DO have control over what you do and how you do it.
To me, this sounds less like a question of "should I be with my current boyfriend or be single" and more like you're underhandedly asking "should I be with my current boyfriend or be with my ex". My take? Your ex sounds like bad news; controlling, obsessive and clingy are hallmarks of a relationship that could turn abusive at worst, and I don't think that's something you want. If this current relationship is good and works and you're happy, that should be your answer right there. Make things simple for yourself and leave out all the "what-ifs" and complicated details, and instead ask yourself one question: am I truly happy with what I have now?
If the answer is no (and it can be, for whatever reason, that's OK too) than make the decision to leave this relationship, or at the very least talk with your partner about why you aren't satisfied with it.
posted
I also agree with jamsessionvt, why would you consider yourself a bad person? Is it because maybe you have hurt some of your boyfriends in the past and when someone hurts you, you feel like they have done you wrong and that makes them a bad person? I don't believe that any one should consider themselves a bad person, yes we may do bad things or even do bad things towards others but i don't nessesarily think that makes us a bad person. My advice would be to work on how you view yourself as a person bc think you are a good person hun, and i don't think it is good to"accept that you are a bad person. Any ways concerning your boyfriend i also agree that half hour is not such a bad distance however i do understand that you would probably like to see your boyfriend more oftten since you do not go to school with him also. I live have lived about half hour away from some one i was seeing before and it was sometimes hard for us both to fit eachother into our schedules we usually had to plan ahead in order to hang out together but I think you could make it work if you wanted to. Also i don't know if getting back with your ex would be a good idea if you decribed him as clingy obbsessive and controlling. I think you should consider your pros and cons and think about what is best for you and try to stick with that. Just be with whoever makes you happy and treats you well:) PS i dont think i have expert advice but i hoped it helped a little
-------------------- live and let live Posts: 26 | From: minnesota | Registered: Aug 2009
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posted
i would honestly just don't have a boyfriend. it's too complicated to get into when your hearts torn between two. i know your situation, it's a stressful situation. just go with the flow for awhile, & see who you'll meet. you never know.
Posts: 5 | From: here. | Registered: Sep 2009
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