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Author Topic: My mom
Sedi Tlugvi
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I'm pretty much at the end of my rope. I don't know where to turn of what do to - if there is anything that I can do.

For reference, I'm 20 and going into my 2cd year of college. My mom just turned 56.

My mother and I moved out of state about nine years ago after she and my father divorced. She ended up marrying the man she had been having an affair with [whom she met in an online chat room] and we've been living all together ever since. When we moved up here my mother was happy and, although there were a tremendous amounts of adjustment issues for me [I hated moving away from my dad and I pretty much hated my step dad], things were okay. They even started a business and opened a local store together.

But about four years ago, everything went downhill. My mom stopped going to work [supposedly because my step dad 'took over' the business]. Over those four years she became progressively sedentary. Now the shop is solely my step dads responsibility and where he spends most of his time. They have no other income source. My mother barely leaves the house and spends her days literally sitting, eating potato chips & drinking soda & watching On Demand tv. She honestly lives for this. And my step dad resents it all. Bills are piling up and she refuses to contribute to the house hold. She's also become absolutely unreasonable and illogical about nearly everything and I'm constantly getting threatened with being kicked out over the smallest, most nonsensical things.

Example: My mother decided that for her b-day she wanted another dog. My stepdad talks about these things - just like someone would talk whimsically about buying a Ferrari or vacationing in Australia. He was very adamant on 'no more animals.' So when my mom asked me to drive her to see this new dog she wants, I told her I didn't want to put myself in the middle of anything that would cause issues between the two of them. And then I privately told my stepdad the same thing. One thing leads to another and she decides it's all MY fault that she isn't getting this dog because I "talked my stepdad out of it." Which isn't the case - I just wanted to be excluded from the situation I knew would result. She then tells me to go to hell and that she cant believe her daughter would ever do this to her. That this dog is all she wants ever and she NEVER gets anything she wants ever - everyone's against her and she can't trust anyone. She then told me I have one month to move out of the house. It's been three days now...and she STILL literally crying because of it. She just acts so childish about everything, so unreasonable. Also, she self medicates with anxiety meds & pain meds. She does have back problems & has recently gotten them resolved with a laser treatment.

I'm sorry this was so long, I didn't mean to start rambling. But I'm worried that she either has early dementia or depression. I'm also worried that my stepdad is going to make her leave or divorce her. She hasn't done anything in years, and I'm honestly so fed up with her that, although I'm worried sick about her, I don't want to be responsible for her. My mom use to be happy and bubbly, she has several bachelor and associate degrees. And now, she's just a whole different person. I try telling her that I'm worried about her, that I want her to go and talk to someone, but she just gets defensive and hard headed. I spend most of the week at my boyfriend's house because I hate being home. And now I just don't know what I should do or if I can help her. I really need some advice.

[ 07-23-2009, 08:16 PM: Message edited by: Sedi Tlugvi ]

Posts: 75 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
atm1
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Have you talked to your step dad about encouraging her to get counseling? That might be one thing to do, since the two of you can make sure that you're on the same page about her.

It sounds like she needs some serious counseling, but you can't force her to go. You can, however, strongly encourage her and try to get your step father to do the same.

It also sounds like it would be better for you to move out if you can, since this does not sound like a healthy environment for you. Is your financial situation stable enough to do that? Are you working?

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Sedi Tlugvi
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He doesn't believe that we would be able to afford counseling for her, even if she would agree to it. Which I honestly don't think she will. Like I said, she thinks we're the ones with the problem. Her entire mantra is "I'm over 50 - I'm payed my dues, done my time." Apparently when you turn 50, life ceases.

As for moving out, I'd honestly love to. But I'm in college full time and working only part time. I'm hoping to get another part time job this semester, but I still don't see my finances being able to pull me through. I suppose though if she threw me out and did not relent eventually that I'd have to figure out how to make it work.

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atm1
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How in the picture is your dad? Would he be able to help out a bit with housing costs, at least to get you started?

You can always find roommates, which lowers the cost substantially. Do you live at home all year?

It sounds like your boyfriend has been pretty supportive--what's his living situation like?

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Sedi Tlugvi
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My dad lives about 600 miles a way and has his own financial burdens - my stepmother has pretty extensive medical issues, plus they've adopted two children which, needless to say, takes a pretty hefty amount of money =P My dad does try to help out here and there when he can, like helping me pay certain medical bills, etc. But I don't know what he would be able to give for me to move out.

I do live at home year round. I attend a local community college and can get my degree there in three more years.

He's still living with his mother and stepfather at the moment. This is his last year of college. Hopefully then he plans on starting work and going to grad school in Hazelton, which is about an hour or two away from where we currently live. I was planning on going with and maybe finding an apartment and finishing my degree at the penn state campus there if things work out.

Posts: 75 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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