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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Why can't I move on?

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Author Topic: Why can't I move on?
Typical Young and Dumb Teenager?
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It's almost been 2 months since we broke up, and yet, I've been depressed because of it for days. I've kept myself busy, I've been hanging out with friends, I've cried hoping it would release all my emotions, but yet, I can't get over him.

We dated a year and a half, and I lost everything to him- first boyfriend, kiss, sexual relationship. But now I regret all of it. The whole relationship was a lie. I fell in love with someone who couldn't even tell me the truth about his past; even after we broke up, he lied to me when I knew the truth about him and his ex before me. Even though his friends were my friends and mine his when we together, his friends are complete dicks to me now, and he's closer to some of my best friends than ever. Yet, he can't find anything to say to me at all. And I think that hurts me more than anything.

How could I have been so stupid? Why did I have sex with him? Why did I even talk to him in the first place? All it's done is made me depressed, heartbroken, and miserable. I've never had trust issues, and I know I will now. I really feel like I never want to date anyone ever again because I'm afraid of getting hurt.

What do I do? Drinking helped temporarily, but that's only going to get me in trouble in the long run. And I've tried all that I know to do. My mom thinks I'm fine, and I have to keep that up because she really doesn't and wouldn't understand.

It just seems like he walked out when I needed him most, and I'm ashamed I ever allowed myself to love him. But I still do, even after all the hurtful things he has done and told me.

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Young and Dumb.
"Life is a balance of holding on and letting go." - Keith Urban

Posts: 243 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JamsessionVT
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I'm sorry you're feeling this way, Typical. [Frown]

The one thing you cannot do is look back on all of this and say "It was my fault" or "I should have known this would happen" or "Why did I *insert action here*?"

Have you considered therapy or seeing a counselor? After trying to deal with this yourself, I think it may be time to seek outside help. You're right, drinking is no way to try and deal with issues. I think at this point, after having dealt with it along without the help of others for two months, it's time to look elsewhere.

Especially if you're feeling bad about a break-up, you're naturally going to have a difficult time detaching yourself from someone who you shared so much with. From the sounds of it, the nature of this break-up has made things that much harder.

Would you like us to help you locate a therapist or counselor in your area? Is there anything else we can do to help?

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Abbie
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Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Typical Young and Dumb Teenager?
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Member # 37530

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I can't see a therapist, nor do I really want to. Like I said, I have to pretend everything is fine when it comes to my mom, and the only way I'd be able to pay for counseling would be for her to pay for it. Plus, because of my parent's divorce when I was younger, I've been in and out of therapist office's. They've always made me feel stupid, even I know they're not there to judge me or my family. That's just something I don't think I need right now.

For the past week and a half I've been staying at a friend's house while her mom was gone. Tonight is my first night to stay home. Last night was I was there, though, I had a major breakdown..

Sunday I went see my ex's grandma, and when I did, I realized that my grandma, who died a little over a month ago, wasn't coming back, and then piled with my emotions for and because of him, I sat in her room yelling at the scrapbook I made at pictures of both my grandma and my ex. I feel like he walked out on me when I needed him most. He knew my grandma was ill, and he still left when he did. And my grandma, the only person who I feel could protect my brother and myself from my dad if needed, left me, too. I know she didn't have the choice like my ex did, but I still feel sadness and anger towards both of them, especially since I couldn't say goodbye to her.

I don't know what to do with myself. Today I acted like I was all right, as I try to do every day, but I can't hide how I truly feel to myself. I know I still love him, and I'm afraid we'll never be anything again, including just friends. And I don't know what to think about my grandma. I'm going to get to see her grave in a little over a week, but I don't want to see it. I want to see her.

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Young and Dumb.
"Life is a balance of holding on and letting go." - Keith Urban

Posts: 243 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Typical Young and Dumb Teenager?
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Wow, now I'm really confused. I talked to a friend's ex boyfriend of two and a half years (they are "talking" again), and he said that my ex and him talked and he said that he still loved me. Then, I heard him and my friend saying that he didn't really come out and say it, but he implied it by the way he talked to me.

So, today I was getting ready for church, and I randomly get a text from my ex that says, "be good this weekend." I reply saying that it's him that needs to be careful because he was recently in a really bad car accident that was his fault, and blah, blah, blah. We end up texting until 10:30, even while my stepsister were in the movie theater. While doing this, he asked "Do you miss doing that?", referring to having sex, and I replied "I miss you in general, -name-. And you?" He then replied "I'm not gonna talk about it don't ask questions but i really want to cuddle with you right now. End of story i stop talking here." We kept texting after that, but stayed completely off the subject of 'us' and what had been, besides the ocassional joke/comment about us and the sexual part of our relationship.

What does this mean? He won't talk to me about it, and I don't really think I'm strong enough to do it anyway. And I know he told one of my friends that we couldn't get back together "because we're too different."

I'm so confused. I still love him, and he knows it. And I'm not so sure if us not being together is what he really wants anymore or not. Yet, we can't even talk about it or even reconsider the decision we've already made.

Any suggestions?

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Young and Dumb.
"Life is a balance of holding on and letting go." - Keith Urban

Posts: 243 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JamsessionVT
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It's obvious you're having a tough time with this, and I wish I could offer up more advice. But I think in this case, time will be the best healer.

Confusion is something that comes with a situation like this. Sometimes it also helps to attempt to step back from everything and look at it for what it is. I don't think it's fair of him to be asking probing questions about your past relationship when he knows you still have feelings there. It seems manipulative to me. How do you feel about distancing yourself from him entirely? No contact, not texting or talking, etc. Because honestly, if you're actively trying to get over a hard break-up, it's not fair to yourself to keep contact with someone who obviously has had a very hard impact on you.

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Abbie
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Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Typical Young and Dumb Teenager?
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The thing is, I was doing a great job not really associating with him. Then, out of the blue, he decides to text me, and things just start to tumble again.

I wish I would've read this last night, but I didn't. So, today I'm going to his house to "chill" like I said I would. On the optimistic side, maybe it'll be a good thing. On the other hand, it might be a suicide trap.

If things don't go well today, I think I will try distancing myself to the best of my ability (We do go to the same school and church, as well as have the same girlfriends. And we're both going to the prom after party on the 25th.). Now that I read all that, it seems somewhat impossible... But I did find an old lost friend I can talk to that's going through somewhat of the same situation, which is helping a lot.

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EDIT:

I went to his house... We ended up hugging, then kissing, then making out, then even grinding a little. And he admitted to me that he still loved and cared about me. He seemed sincere, but I'm not sure if it was true or not. I kind of feel like he may just be out for a "good time." We talked about "us", too, and at first he said that we should become friends again first then *possibly* talk/date again. After a while, he changed it to "I love you, but I can't hurt you again." though. I don't know which to believe or what to think. He then said that I should try to date other people if I like them. I'm confused out of my mind right now. If he really still loved me, why would he want that? I don't really want him with another girl right now. But I'm leaving to visit my dad in 2 days (a very hard thing for me to do) and he said to call him if I wanted/needed, and he kind of grabbed my hand as if he didn't want me to leave when I told him I had to go home. I need a lie detector. I can't figure him out.... [Confused]

[ 04-13-2009, 07:11 PM: Message edited by: Typical Young and Dumb Teenager? ]

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Young and Dumb.
"Life is a balance of holding on and letting go." - Keith Urban

Posts: 243 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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