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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » little problem?

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Author Topic: little problem?
kevin wang
Member # 42419

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Hey everyone, my name is Kevin, i'm new here, and i want to share something thats been bothering me a bit for a while now and hopefully someone can help me [Smile]
ok, here it goes. i had a close friendship with this girl named Jane. Jane was one of the best, if not the best friend i have ever had. she was everything you looked for in a girl, caring, nice, funny, etc etc. i think i even started to like her, because Jane was the first girl i had a close friendship with. i don't talk to much girls or have much friends that are girls ;p we would talk everyday, and it would seem like, she liked me too, but even though she didn't say it, i know she didn't, which was OK, cos i was more than happy to be friends with her. she didn't know i liked her so it doesn't matter anyway.
problem is.. this was last year. now, we don't even talk. we started to drift apart, because i found it hard to talk to her recently, (recently being late last year and even before that). And to solve that problem i avoided her. she didn't seem to mind so we just drifted apart. like slowly, until now, which we are like not even friends.
ok. so theres good and bad things about this. mostly good i guess. good things are, i don't have to worry about going crazy about what to say to her and make her think im not boring, because i tried so hard, to make her laugh, or interest but it just wasn't working...since we have stopped talking ( havn't talked to her in like 2months) , i feel so much better that i don't have that pressure to connect with her.
CURRENTLY, it seems like AGESSS since we last talked, and its like shes not in my life anymore and thats ok, cos i know shes doing fine and has forgotten about me and gone on with her life.
the problem is, once in a while, lets say, every week or so, AT night , in bed, i think about her and how i miss talking to her, this is driving me crazy , because i have no idea why i think about her and other thing is, i KNOW she doesn't thikn about me, so why would i think about her? but when i wake up, i don't miss her and i go on with my life, until next week. and so on. its only this every now and then that i think about her, and miss her a lot.
i feeel so stupid that i do, because i want to move on, and even thought i know she doesn't care, i still thikn about her,...sometimes.
some advice? even though i dont' think there is any haha.. maybe its just time.
i am not gonna talk to her, becuase if i do, i feel like im wasting her time and i don't know how to talk to her..
so any other ways i can solve this problem, or just time? until i find another girl that would be close friends with me, which i doubt for a while..

Posts: 2 | From: Australia | Registered: Mar 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 40302

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Firstly, how do you "KNOW" she doesn't think about you? You're not talking to her, yet thinking about her, and shes not talking to you, so possibly she could be thinking just the same. Secondly, there's no harsh feelings between you, right? So whats the harm in reconnecting with an "old" friend. Just because you guys grew apart for one reason or another doesn't mean she'll be offended by you dropping her a harmless "hello!", I say give it a shot!
Posts: 69 | From: USA | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

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Hey there,

I must agree with appleorchard and say that there really wouldnt be any harm in dropping her a hello. If it is really driving you crazy, and youa re wondering how she is, it would probably help you a lot to just get some clarity. See where you are at, and she is at, and if its a friendship you actually want to pursue, or not, instead of feeling like you need to move on. It sounds like you put a lot of pressure on yourself to do things 'right'. But you know, you might find it easier just to relax and be yourself, don't worry about trying to do everything right, and you might find that things work a bit better in your friendship.

If not, and she needs you to be doing things in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, then sure it might be a good time to move on, but no harm in reconnecting and seeing how things go [Smile]

Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
kevin wang
Member # 42419

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thanks for the advice [Smile] but, the thing is, i don't really think about her most of the time, and when i do, its just , because i think about her haha, but not how i miss her and stuff. im fine with her not being my friend, but its just that every week or so, like when im about to sleep i really miss her, and its just that , thats driving me crazy, because I'd feel stupid the next day, to remember that i thought about her and stuff..
i don't wnana talk to her, because seriously its gonna be an awkward conversation, we'd say hi, and all that unusual stuff =X
yess, i know i can't know that shes not thinking about me, but i realllllllly think i do xD even though i know thats not a good explanation, but i know shes moved on and stuff and it was like i was never in her life the first place.
becuase of this, i feel even worse when i think about her for no reason.
i think over time, this will go away?

Posts: 2 | From: Australia | Registered: Mar 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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