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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » bf wont talk to family.

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Author Topic: bf wont talk to family.
Member # 32771

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Hey there,
well i hope you can help me out a bit around here.
first of all, ive been dating my actual bf for almost 3 years now. also, he is 18 and im 21.
about a year and a half ago i stayed in his house without my parents consent, i understand that was not the right thing to do bcause i was livign under their house and their rules etc.
Now, well my bf thinks they hate him but they dont , i think they just dont see them a mature person ready to take care of me adn for that reason they dont really take him seriusly. i feel horrible that i cant even be able to talk to my fam. about him. i talked infinity of times with him about how important it will b for me if he started getng closer to them, saying hi once in a while, sending a little soemthin just showing he has the interest to make things right. but he doesnt. he asked me to move in with him in january but i keep putting up excuses not to, and now i definately told him that
i didnt feel i would do the right thing cause
if he is nto ready to face my parents they he might not be ready to commit to me.

he told me that im 21 and that i shouldtn be like this, that i shouldnt want to stay with them anymore etc.

he tells me that hes tried to get close to them but he gets rejected that he is tired of that and that he is tired of trying to make things right.

is he right? am i right? is my family right?

i think it hurts to be me cause im in the middle fo this situation, i keep dividing myself into two pieces cause even though i wish for my fam. and him to be okay with one another i dotn seem to get that.

any advice? [Frown]


Posts: 68 | From: China | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 17924

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I think you are right in asserting what you have been here. It isn't realistic or smart to expect that this relationship can continue in a healthy way if your partner is completely against making any attempt to put on a good face for your folks. Especially if this relationship gets more serious.

Personally, if I really care about someone, I do the best I can to get to know their parents, too. After all, when you start dating/marry someone, you aren't just involved with them; you're involved with their family too. Unless your parents are total ogres and absolutely unreasonable about things, which is not the vibe I'm getting, then this should not be an issue.

I also think what you're experiencing has to do a little big with age: I don't see your boyfriend being as mature about this as he could: he expects you to move in with him, to not want to live with your parents, and to not want to make any effort to get to know your family. He believes he is in the right to not even try, which to me is pretty darn rude if you cannot even say hello to someone and expect that to be OK. I give you kudos for refusing to move in with him.

It's not fair to be pinned between two parties, and I think your partner is being a little manipulative in that sense. Are your parents open to him talking to them at all, or is it both parties that resent the other?

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Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 32771

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hello JamsessionVT thank you for responding and taking the time.
My parents will be open to him if they see he is really interested in making things right.

today my mom told me he emailed her saying hi and asking how the family was etc.

i guess thats a start? i think i should wait
and thanks for your response it made me feel that i wasnt that lost in my thinking [Smile]


Posts: 68 | From: China | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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