posted
my mum has just quit her job because she felt on verge on a breakdown my grandad-her dad- has been very very ill for a year yet her work continued to pile on the pressure now today she doesnt even want to get out of bed shes crying a lot its hard to gte her to talk to me tho she always looks ashamed that i've caught her crying she also is drinking more alcohol
i'm finding it hard to see my mum like this on top of worrying about my grandad i'm due to leave for uni in a week and i'm really scared
my boyfriend is in his first week at a uni 2 hours away from me. hes been really unavaliable but i want to talk to him about whats going on
my best friends have also left to various places around the country
i find myself crying most nights and i hate it i feel like im over exagerating i just feel so alone and scared
i dont really know if there is anything you can tell me i should do. i more just wnated soemwhere to get it off my chest
thanks
Posts: 36 | From: Warrington , England | Registered: Aug 2008
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posted
Having a parent that can't cope isn't easy. I know when my dad left my mum, she was almost suicidal, and I was so angry at him that I didn't really want to talk to anyone about it (even my mother).
However seeing her so distressed forced me to take on some of the burden - my sister was never home and my brother was still very young.
I think the best thing you can do right now is let her know that she's not alone and can talk to you if she needs to. If it's possible for her to see a therapist it sounds like it would help.
Does she have a partner around? Do you have any siblings around that will be staying behind?
I can only speak from my own experience, but I know with my mum giving her someone to talk to about her problems (another adult) really helped her. So calling her a few times a week just to say hi and give her a chance might encourage her to open up to you a bit.
Winnie
Posts: 465 | From: Canberra, ACT, Australia | Registered: Jan 2001
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posted
my brother will b here but hes only 16 im worried about him being heer ithout me too and yeh my dad is here but my mum seems to just b angry with him 2 not being gd enuf
xx
Posts: 36 | From: Warrington , England | Registered: Aug 2008
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posted
I'm be inclined to worry less because she won't be alone. You can still call her and offer your support, and maybe see how your dad feels about the situation.
Good luck.
Winnie
Posts: 465 | From: Canberra, ACT, Australia | Registered: Jan 2001
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posted
shes told me she cries when she thinks about me leaving she goes out of her way to avoid being left on her own which will be impossible to keep up once iv gone my brother will struggle to cope with it once i've gone
theres not really anything i can do tho i mean im not gna not go to uni.
and my bf is being so unavaliable i tried to talk to him about whats going on but he just says hes dead busy.
anyway my mum is gna go see a doctor so hopefully itl get better.
thanks for ur help i feel better just for talking about it
Posts: 36 | From: Warrington , England | Registered: Aug 2008
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If I can share a personal bit about myself, I was in a pretty similar situation when I went off to school. My father, while potentially my favorite person on earth, is a very challenged man, both due to mental illness as well as other things. I've taken care of him completely for some years of my life.
I felt very guilty when I went to college, and was terrified he wouldn't make it, etc. But you know, while it was rough for a bit there, he survived, and it also was very helpful for our relationship for him to....well, be the parent, not the kid. To get his own independence from me. He was able to get better about doing some things for himself again once I left, things he had gotten in the habit of relying on me for.
Sounds to me like your mother has support people for her that will tend to her. Those people can also call in for other supports. For instance, if your mother is having this much trouble with depression and drinking, her doctor is someone she needs to see, ASAP.
But I'd say that you not continuing your education is not going to help her, and it certainly isn't going to help you. If I can inject one more bit from my own experience, if you have a parent who has these kinds of challenges, you may well be dealing with them for the rest of their life. That given, the sooner you can be sure to develop some healthy boundaries, and parts of your life you need for your won well-bring, the better for all of you.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63686 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
sorry i think u miss read it i sed theres nothing i can do its not like i can NOT go to uni of course il be going!! xxx
Posts: 36 | From: Warrington , England | Registered: Aug 2008
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