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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » living situation is a pain

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Author Topic: living situation is a pain
Member # 28780

Icon 11 posted      Profile for fallchild         Edit/Delete Post 
So, I hate that this is still an issue in my life, but it is, and it's not going away, so I just thought I'd vent and brainstorm about it a little.

As you know, I still live with my ex. Sometimes the living situation is really nice because we're very close friends and we enjoy each other's company, at other times though it's as unhealthy as the relationship we ended back in April. Remember how I mentioned he has no regard for personal boundaries? Yeah, he still doesn't. Remember how I mentioned he's an expert guilt-slinger? Yep, still is. He still blames me for everything that went wrong in our relationship, guilts me for dating my current boy ("If you weren't ignorant you wouldn't be dating this person"). Overall, sometimes he can be a real jerk.

Obviously, I'm considering moving out. My lease is up in Feb., so that's a viable opportunity coming up. The issues I'm having though, is that since my ex blames me for ruining our relationship, I know that when I suggest we move out separately he's going to throw it all in my face. After all the blame he's already putting on me, thinking about handling all this NEW blame makes me freak out a little. I'm also tired of how this dysfunctional relationship with my ex is overshadowing my current love interest. I'm sick of my new boy hearing about my ex's bull****, and honestly, it's all embarrassing.

I feel like I have my ex's little feelers hooked into me still. He knows how to manipulate me with fear, guilt, etc. But after ALL this bad stuff, thinking about dividing up our stuff makes me freak out. It all makes me really sad that he can't just grow up and be mature, because I WISH we could still live together.

I just want a fresh start, but I don't have the guts to make that happen yet.

"It's better to die on your feet than live down on your knees"

Posts: 117 | From: SLC, UT | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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The way it sounds to me, this guy is going to be a jerk if you live with him. This guy is going to be a jerk if and when you move out. In other words, this guy is going to be a jerk about this no matter what you do, so I'd say you need to do what's best for you without figuring which thing will cause him to act like more or less of a jerk.

Given the situation, February actually seems like a long time from now to me. Do you have other options you might consider? He could sublet, after all, or get a different roomie.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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