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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » guilty twinges

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Author Topic: guilty twinges
Member # 28780

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Sigh. I have nasty little twinges of guilt going on on my head, and I'm not sure why.

I have been very casually seeing this guy since May. We see each other maybe twice a week, we haven't had sex or done anything other than making out because we wanted to take things very slow and get to know each other. I never thought of us as monogamous, and even though I haven't kissed anyone else (or done anything else) I still felt free to flirt with other people. I had phone sex with a friend who is away working in another state and exchanged sexually-charged pictures and texts with one other person. I did this while this guy and I were in the very beginning stages of hanging out.

Well this guy and I never brought up the idea of us being boyfriend and girlfriend until very recently, and now that we have, I'm feeling really guilty for doing those things with the two other people, but logically, I don't know why. A monogamous arrangment was NEVER something this guy and I agreed upon or even expected of each other, but once we both started hinting at it, I stopped having the phone sex with my friend because it didn't feel right anymore.

I suppose since our arrangment was so casual at the get-go I never felt it necessary to tell this guy that I was having phone sex with another person, and I honestly didn't think that I was the only girl he was interested in. But maybe I was... that's where the guilt might be coming from. What if I thought our arrangment was really casual, but he DIDN'T think it was so casual.

Do I need to tell him about this? I feel like since the hints of monogamy started to surface and I backed off on engaging in phone sex with that other person, there isn't anything to tell. I'm really clear about how he feels now and I know I feel the same way, and I'm not interested in doing stuff with other people anymore.

(FYI, like I mentioned in another recent post, there is a BIG hurdle in the process of this guy and I becoming monogamous, and we're working on it. I just want to be clear that I'm keeping that in mind; I'm just talking about sexual involvement and wanting to keep that strictly with him now).

"It's better to die on your feet than live down on your knees"

Posts: 117 | From: SLC, UT | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 35890

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The limits and expectations of your relationship with him were not set in stone from the start, so really, there should not be guilt over the phone sex and whatnot.

Really, it's your choice if you want to mention those things to him or not. It may be beneficial now for you both to communicate the expectations of your prospective relationship so to avoid any misunderstandings in that arena.

Scarleteen Volunteer

"A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illnesses." -Hippocrates

Posts: 755 | From: United States | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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