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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » helppp.

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Author Topic: helppp.
Member # 39228

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I've been dating my boyfriend for 8 months and 9 days now. I'm 18 and he's 15 (16 in a few months), but we started dating when I was 17. The age difference isn't a big deal at all for us: him and I get along great, despite the maturity difference! He's my best friend and I love him so much. He's very supportive of me and he understands me really well. We balance each other out nicely. Also, my family loves him and pretty much everyone has been supportive.. everyone except his parents.

I don't know them really well, only because both him and I know that they aren't supportive of the relationship. It's been putting a strain on us only because it's difficult for us to hang out. Whenever he asks for permission to go out with me, it's a no 70% of the time.. and in all honesty, I can understand why his parents are concerned. But it feels like they won't even give me a chance. My boyfriend is often reluctant to ask for permission now because them giving him a no hurts him so much. He often gets very depressed and upset to the point where he doesn't want to talk at all.

I know that these types of restrictions come with this type of relationship, and I've always understood that it wasn't going to be easy. My boyfriend will always be worth it in my eyes, but I feel like I've been doing things wrong and in ways that hurt him. I often tell him that he can't always be afraid of his parents and that asking will be worth it if they say yes.. but I'm beginning to regret this. I realize that I'm pressuring him in a passive way when I never meant to.

My questions are these: Do you think there is anything him and I could do to help lessen the strain of this issue? Is there something him or I could do to make his parents more comfortable (they seem pretty stubborn though)? Any insight or advice is much appreciated.

[ 07-11-2008, 04:23 PM: Message edited by: monkeyboom ]

Posts: 6 | From: NC | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33665

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Hey monkeyboom, just to clear something up first, the age of consent in North Carolina is 16 so you and your boyfriend will have to wait until then if you want to become sexually active together. Given that his parents don't seem to be very fond of you, that's something you should make sure to adhere to.

One thing you might want to try is spending a little time with his folks, say having dinner together or watching a movie together. If they don't really know you then it's going to be hard for them to be okay with their son going out with you. You might also try setting up a big family get-together with both his family and your family. Basically, you're going to have to work on letting them get to know you and your family, where you come from. Once they see the kind of person you are and that you aren't trying to get their son into trouble, they will probably be more comfortable with the two of you seeing each other in private settings.

Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Posts: 2726 | From: North America | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jase Watson
Member # 39090

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I totally agree with orca. I think think that getting both family´s together first is a good start so that your parents have a chance to let his parents know that your a good person. Then they can talk to your parents. Then after that, you might want to invite him and his parents over for dinner. Orca´s right, the more they know about you, the more they will be okay with letting him go out with you places, and support the relationship overall. Good luck [Smile]

- Jase Watson

Posts: 58 | From: San Diego, CA | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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