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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Is it wrong to entertain a much older man?

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Author Topic: Is it wrong to entertain a much older man?
Chae
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There's a customer who I see every day at work, and there's no doubt he's somewhere north of fifty... I'm twenty-one. He's a very friendly guy and we chat and joke around all the time, and twice now he's invited me to come with him to the orchestra but it hasn't worked out with my schedule, even though I thought it'd be a fun experience. He's also bought me ice cream before, and lamented once that if he'd known I was getting off of work, he would have taken me next door to dinner... Well last night, I'm not sure how it came up but he asked, "So, when are we gonna go on a date?" I just laughed and said, "I dunno, where are you gonna take me?" and he said, "I dunno, where do you wanna go?" I playfully suggested a restaurant that is closed down, just to keep things on the light side. I'm not sure if he's serious or not, I mean the man is decades older than I am, but I know he's single. I'm unsure if he's dating anyone or just playing the field or what, but he's a very sweet guy and I'd be open to hanging out with him, I'm just not really at a place where I want to date anyone right now, so is it wrong to entertain him? I don't want to give him the wrong idea. Also, I'm thinking he could just be super friendly and isn't really serious at all?

And while we're on the subject, what are your guys' thoughts on older men and young women, because ever since I was a young teenager, I've been drawn to older guys. Several of my best friends through the past few years have been middle-aged men. I'm not sure if I just get along better with them or what, but I find it odd, though I have no problem with it. This is why I'm also thinking that I could just be reading things into his friendly advances. Thoughts?

~ Chae

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JamsessionVT
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I'd be very, very iffy with that large of an age gap.

At this point in your life, you are at a completely different place than he is; you really can't begin to compare the two. 30 years + is a HUGE gap. Is it wrong? No; there are couples who have large gaps in age and still manage fine. Is it the norm? Not really.

I think it's fine to be friends. However, you said yourself that you aren't looking to date right now, period. His advances are pretty forward, and to be honest, I don't think there is any joking around going on. I think it's fine to keep him as a friend, but be wary of anything else.

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Abbie
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Chae
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Hey, thanks for the reply! So would you say it's alright to go to things with him like the orchestra? The first time he asked he referred to it as a "date" as well. I'm open to doing things with him but I don't want to mislead him...nor do I want to jump the gun and tell him not to think of things as a date, and offend the poor guy. Meh. Why do older guys always like me? It's kind of amusing, and we always get along wonderfully, but I wish more guys my age were into me as much.

~ Chae

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Horizon
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If I'm understanding Abbie correctly, I believe she meant you probably wouldn't want to go anywhere with this guy, even if it's a casual outing to an orchestra.

It just seems a little strange, you know? You were an infant when he was thirty years old. If you really want to go somewhere with him, I would at the very least try to bring a friend along. And really, when it could be an issue of your safety and well-being, there is no harm in offending someone.

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-Kayla
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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..as well, communicating honestly with someone about what kind of relationship you are or are not interested in isn't something to avoid. Someone that age, by all means, should at least be of the maturity level to handle their own feels or disappointment if a person isn't mutually interested in them romantically.

If you don't want to be dating him or going on dates, it isn't sensible to evade the subject, nor is that actually respectful of anyone's feelings: that sets up a scenario of false pretenses. And that's as easy as saying, "I don't want to go on a date, since I'm not interested in dating, but if you'd like to go out as possible friends, I'd be interested in that."

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68208 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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