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Author Topic: A few dating questions
Meatballx
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So, about 2 months ago, me and my ex finally broke up. Im 18 (almost 19), still a virgin, and ready to rid myself of that title. Not really saying Im only looking for sex, totally NOT true, but Im ready and willing for new ventures.

Me and my ex met in a not-so-traditional fashion, I guess you could call it. Her older brother was one of my best friends since we were kids, and we re-met each other at school. Talked for a few months, then one day she told me she liked me, things went from there. She was my first girlfriend.

So! Just a few general questions of what is acceptable by society, I suppose. Say I see a girl who catches my eye, and shes looking back at me constantly. Do I just go up to her and ask her if she wants to go to lunch or out for coffee sometime? Do people actually meet relationship-worthy people at clubs? Are there any boundaries I should be aware of, such as the line between creepy and not creepy.

Dont get me wrong, Im a rather good looking guy, and I have a ton of confidence in myself. In high school, I literally never dated anyone. So yeah, I just need to make sure Im getting everything down right before I get metaphorically dropkicked in the face.

Posts: 4 | From: Nowhere | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Hey, meatballx.

One of the tricky things about dating is that there really isn't one set of rules, etiquette or approaches, since everyone is so different and people tend to interpret things so differently. dating rulebooks tend to sell so well because, of course, we all WISH there were one easy set of rules, but practical experience usually shows us that there just isn;t.

With clubs, it really kind of depends on where you're at. I do think it's reasonable to say that hookups happen more often with meeting at clubs than dating, primarily because a) people go to clubs to kick it back more often than to forge relationships and b) it's so hard to hear yourself talk that real interaction that's anything but physical is difficult. So, while I'd not often expect that trying to get phone numbers or schedule a date later will often net results at clubs, when you do have a physical connection with someone, asking them if they want to go somewhere else THEN a grab a cup of coffee or a late-night-diner snack can be more fruitful. Then, if they want to and you go and connect that way, there's more mileage when it comes to another date. For someone looking for something deeper, it can also be a nice break from getting cruised to have someone ask you to have coffee then rather than to come home with you. [Smile]

Ultimately, if someone asking that is creepy or not is going to be tough to judge. But if you are being attentive to someone's body language, and they do seem to have an interest, you dance for a while and you're both having fun, it'd be a bit tough to offend someone. I'd just advise you to play it like you were forging a friendship with someone new. In other words, talking is fine, and being close with respect to a person's personal space bubble is fine. Grinding up against somebody's butt who doesn't know you then asking them out? Eh, not so much for most people. Does that make sense?

But for the most part, we've just got to wing it with this stuff and try and get a sense of who the individual is in question. With someone very outgoing and open, asking them out on that kind of first meeting, for instance, can be more likely to get a warm reception than with someone who is more closed or reserved: you may need to see that person out a few times before asking them out is met well. And no matter what, obviously, even when someone is fine with being asked, they still may or may not be interested and say yes. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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