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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Well.

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Author Topic: Well.
Niki
Neophyte
Member # 37106

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Well, here's my current situation....

I'm the type of person who usually just comes out and says if and why I'm mad or sad and things like that. But my boyfriend is really sensitive. And I've gotten better at being nicer when I'm mad and trying to go easy on him, but it still doesn't really help. Every time I try and talk to him about why I'm mad or something he gets sad and tells me that he messes everything up and that he should just die... No matter what I say, he won't listen to me, he thinks he's ruining everything for me.

How do I approach him about my negative feelings without hurting him?

Posts: 32 | From: Earth | Registered: Feb 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lolathefish
Activist
Member # 33683

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hey, i had a bf like that . Honestly it was so hard to talk to him. Eventually we just ended it cause it was to difficult but if you really like this guy you could try. 1) if the reason u r mad or sad or whatever doesnt have much to do with him tell a freidn or something instead or if it does have to do with him decide is it soemthing big and important that you need to deal with and break into it slowly but if it isnt something major maybe hold off on it for a bit so u dont hurt his feelings

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Life is to short to be spent waiting for someone to come along. Just keep living and making every day worth it and the person your waiting for will come along anyway.

Posts: 40 | From: Canada | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Niki
Neophyte
Member # 37106

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Thanks!! Thats really helpful.

Yeah, I wanna make things work. Its been a long time and I care a lot about him, its just hard sometimes because he feels like everything is his fault and it's hard to show him its not.

Posts: 32 | From: Earth | Registered: Feb 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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You'll also want to make sure you're not the only one making an effort, here. If you know that you are a blunt person, and are trying to tone that down a little to be less hurtful, that's awesome. But if your boyfriend is an extra-sensitive person who takes everything personally, he may also want to try to work on that.

Because here's the thing: communication is important in relationships, as is honesty, and if you find yourself swallowing down anger to protect your partner, or avoiding conversations that need to be had, then that could lead to issues further down the road.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Typical Young and Dumb Teenager?
Activist
Member # 37530

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Well, my boyfriend is very sensitive, too, but not to the extreme of hurting/killing himself. However, I had a close friend go through the whole wanting to die stage because he was 'ruining her life'; their relationship eventually hit rock bottom because she just couldnt put up with him anymore. He was somewhat controlling and sensitive, though. As for my boyfriend and his sensitiveness, most of the time I avoid talking to him about important subjects over the phone because it just seems to make him overreact more than he needs to; so, if any way possible, try talking to him face-to-face. By doing this, he is less likely to start balling and/or think about suicide/hurting himself, and if he does, you can comfort him (give him a hug, kiss, patting him on the back, ect) and tell him that everything, 'you' as a couple are going to be okay, but make sure not to get off the track that you two do still need to talk.

.. I find big arguments over the phone/web are a big no-no. It only seems to make things worst because you cant really make up like you should be able to.


Hopefully that will help. [Smile]

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Young and Dumb.
"Life is a balance of holding on and letting go." - Keith Urban

Posts: 243 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Malkav
Neophyte
Member # 38992

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I was looking something up about age disparate relationships and found your site. after glancing through i noticed that everyone of you is a younger Female to older Male relationship. now i know this site is generally more suited for women, because what man is not pigheaded enough (besides myself:P) to go online looking for help?

also all your ages are single digets, the most i saw being a 9 year difference. thats nothing.

I am a seventeen years old male, who is in a relationship with a 34 year old woman. Our state's age of consent is 17. we have all the makings of an awsome couple, but we still face hardships from friends and familly.it dosent help that she was married, but she is in the process of divorceing him and this act was long forthcoming.

the point is everything is different for young male and older female relationships and for sucha big age gap, that you cant really go looking online for anything more than serveys, because each and every situation is going to be different. You cant just quantify it with "were legal and im not being treated like a child". all thouse qualifiers you had were the same things i would look for in any relationship age disparate or not.


thank you for the time.

Posts: 1 | From: Buffalo | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Leabug
Activist
Member # 27966

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(Hey Malkav, welcome to Scarleteen! Just thought I'd let you know that if you want to start your own thread, you can do so by clicking on the "new topic" button at the top of most of the forum pages. [Smile] )

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Lea

Posts: 2332 | From: Canada | Registered: Mar 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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