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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Should I get out now?

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Author Topic: Should I get out now?
Disenchanted88
Neophyte
Member # 35635

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Okay, it hasnt been long at all since I posted last, but I am feeling really down and confused at the moment and had to turn to this page again.

In my last post I discussed how my boyfriend of a month had been having some jealousy issues when they werent provoked my me, but that seems to have gone for the moment, whether he is just not expressing it aloud I dont know, but he isnt being all weird with me, which is good...

Also in that post I discussed how I was having feelings for someone else..And its gotten worse, I am now tending to think more about this other guy than I do my boyfriend when he isnt around, when I am with my boyfriend I have a good time, we laugh and joke and he is really sweet and nice to me, but sometimes I still think of the other guy.
I dont understand why I am feeling this as I havnt spoken to this guy in a while now, but he is what I would consider a male version of me, as we are so very alike!! Me and my bf dont have as much in common but still get on great.
All I want to do sometimes is talk to this guy, but I dont want my boyfriend to go all weird with me and I dont even know how this guy feels about me...
Sometimes I just want to get out of my relationship for no real reason other than this, and I just want to spend time with the other guy..
The bigger problem is - the guy I have feelings for - is one of my bf's best friends, and if I was to leave my bf and have more conversations with his friend, everyone would hate me..
What do I do?! I need help! Esp with Valentines day coming up, I dont want to go into it and ruin the day because I dont want to be there, or I am thinking of someone else...Help please!

[ 02-07-2008, 10:45 AM: Message edited by: Disenchanted88 ]

Posts: 26 | From: Wales | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Horizon
Scarleteen Volunteer
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You know, it's great that you have a male friend that you click with. And there isn't a rule book that says girlfriends can't have great guy friends, (and if there is, we're both in trouble.) If your boyfriend can't handle you having a guy friend at all, then that's not too great.

You might be a little more comfortable if you were not in a relationship right. A month of dating is really not much in the long term, as JamsessionVT said, and it's possible you may feel better without worrying about a 'wandering eye.' Dating is really about sampling different things to help you figure out the people you like, and what needs you may have.

If jealousy from a boyfriend, and guilt from liking someone else are not the kinds of things that you want in your dating life, no one says you can't make some changes.

Posts: 755 | From: United States | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Disenchanted88
Neophyte
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What am I to do about this other guy that I like? Is it wrong for me to get to know him better as he is my boyfriends mate? Can I really try and see if he is better for me relationship wise even though I fear the risk of all the rest of his friends hating me for it? I dont even know if this guy sees me like that! I think I rushed into this relationship, I didnt give us enough time before, and I think thats why I have doubts, becuase I should have gotten to know the other guy too and now I am regretting it because I think the time for me and him has gone, and now I dont have any chance of finding out if he likes me too. I am so confused but I cant stop thinking about this guy.
Posts: 26 | From: Wales | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Horizon
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It really is not wrong for you to get to know the new guy, even if he is a friend of your current boyfriend. Why exactly would his friends dislike you if you dated the new one? (In which case, it's really none of their business.)

Why do you believe you have no chance of finding out if the new guy likes you?

You definitely can see if the new guy is better for you in a relationship. That is the whole idea; how else would anyone determine what they want/need in relationships? Getting to know him well (before dating even enters the arena) is something you did not appear to do in your current relationship, and for all we know, could be one of the things that you find to be a plus when on the dating scene: good friends first, then dating. Not necessarily, certainly not for everyone, but it's a possibility.

Bottom line is: it's your choice, do what feels right for you.

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Disenchanted88
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Well the reason I think his friends would not like me is because they are a tight group of friends who I met at the same time I met him, so its not like they are as close my friends as his.

And I dont think I can spend time with this other guy becuase of the same reason..
I dont know how I would go about starting to talk to him more after I split with his mate..

Posts: 26 | From: Wales | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Horizon
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Okay. So you are saying you don't think his friends will act kindly towards you if you were to break up with your boyfriend? What things do they say or do that bring you to think this? Or is it just something you think will happen?

I really don't see what difference it makes if you talk to your boyfriend's friend after you split. Is it just the awkwardness of it that makes you uncomfortable?

You say that you don't think you can spend time with the new guy because they are a close group of friends, am I understanding that correctly? If that is the situation, there shouldn't be an issue of asking for some of his time away from friends to spend some time with you. You said in a previous post that you have talked at some length on AIM. Can you still do that now? [Razz]

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-Kayla
Scarleteen Volunteer

"A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illnesses." -Hippocrates

Posts: 755 | From: United States | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Disenchanted88
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I think the best way I have of getting to talk to him more would be AIM but he doesnt seem to come online anymore, well, he hasnt done since the last time I spoke to him and that was a while ago.
Posts: 26 | From: Wales | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Horizon
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Alrighty. If you think online talking is the best approach for you, then by all means, do that, if you can. If not, it's really not the end of the world.

If you decide to end your current relationship in the meantime, there is definitely nothing wrong with taking a little downtime for yourself. You may find that to be the best thing you can do for yourself right now. [Smile]

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Disenchanted88
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Thank you for all your help!
I dont think my current relationship is the one for me as I am feeling this way.

I just wish I knew how I'd go about talking to this other guy more.

Thanks anyway x

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Horizon
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Hey, no problem [Smile] Hopefully things will work out for you, disenchanted88.
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Jasi808
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Member # 40690

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Ok I have this problem!

So I made this online dateing profile I had never done it before so i decided i would and I ended up talking to this guy on there we had been talking no less than a week. I had talked to him on the phone a few days and then crazy enough we decided to meet. So we hit it off when we met everything was going great. So i stayed the night at his house a few days because he lived an hour and a half away by the way i know that was a stupid move on my part! anyway he was cool and i was having a great time at his place we got to know eachother a little bit. So on the second day there he had to run to the store for a minute. So while he was gone I started to pick up a little bit from the night before and i found this phone beside his couch, I was like thats weird because it was kinda hidden so of course out of pure curiosity i opened up the phone and turned it on and the background on the phone was a chick holding a baby and there were some pics messages of that same chick talking about how her baby bumb is finally gone and stuff, so i thought that was weird because i was like is that his kid? because on his profile he said he didnt have a kid and when i asked him previously if he had a kid and he said no!

Well walet with some pics n it on his dresser and looked and they were pictures of that same baby in the phone and pictures of him the baby and the babys mom that same girl together holding the baby and i was like damn because he lied but then i started to question myself and because what if that was just that girls baby by some other guy and he just accepted it. But then i was like the baby does look like him? So at that point i really didnt know what to do because i couldent confront him because he would be pissed if he knew i snooped through his things,but at the same time he lied to me and thats not right so im like super confused i dont know what to do he wants to come see me tomorrow but I dont know if i should talk to him about it then or just not talk to him at alli really liked him so this sucks :.(

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Jessica Smith

Posts: 2 | From: kansas | Registered: Oct 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jasi808
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Member # 40690

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Sorry i thought this was where everyone posts well if you have any advice on that previous post i just put on there that would be great lol it took me forever to write it!

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Jessica Smith

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-Lauren-
Activist
Member # 25983

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Do not see him again. He is someone you just met on the Internet, and he lied to you within a week of meeting. He could be lying about anything.

Does he know where you live/your full name location? If so, I'd avoid telling him the reason why you won't be seeing him anymore, instead say you just don't think he's what you're looking for. Nothing more is necessary; if there is, that's even more worrying, because no healthy relationship should be that deep a week or two in.

If you're a safe distance from him and know he couldn't track you down, you can tell the truth. Don't accept any explanations or excuses.

It was seriously unsafe to spend the night at someone's house when you met on the Net and hadn't even met once. He could have been anyone, and you could have been in serious danger. Please, please, never do that again. The sad truth about the Internet is that many of the people looking for company are unfit for real-world dating, and are only able to "get bold" under the anonymous environment that lets them act like and say whatever they want.

Check out this article for a reality check on internet dating, and some guidelines you MUST follow next time:

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/relationships/getting_real_relationships_on_the_net

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