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Author Topic: Relationships: What the heck is your opinion?
LBelle22
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I have a number of things that I would like to get input on when it comes to relationships. It would be really great if I could get some good responses, I would really appreciate it! [Smile]


(These questions are directed at your opinion/ of beliefs when it comes to relationships. Honesty would be really helpful)

1. Do you beleve in monogamy? If so, why? If not, why?

2. Do you Believe in marriage? Does this have to do with your religion, personal beliefs, etc.?

3. Do you believe in sex before marriage?

4. Why do you think that so many relationships fail? Any personal stories?

5. If you are GLBT, do you feel as though you face the same problems in a relationship as straight people do? Is being in a relationship with the same sex harder or easier?

6. Any other comments? Please post!!!

[ 11-28-2007, 07:25 AM: Message edited by: LBelle22 ]

Posts: 40 | From: Providence, RI | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
a0231
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1. Do you beleve in monogamy? If so, why? If not, why? I personally believe in monogamy for so many reasons. I guess the "main" and least complicated reason is that I don't believe in having sex with someone that I'm not in love with. And truly, going with MY PERSONAL beliefs here, I don't believe it's possible to be entirely IN LOVE with more than one person at one time. That is, being able to fully function in an HONEST, TRUSTING, LOVING relationship with more than one individual.

2. Do you Beleve in marriage? Does this have to do with your religion, personal beliefs, etc.?
I believe in marriage and it's just because it's been what I've been going toward my entire life. I've never thought differently. I desire it, and very much so. I do not believe in it for religious purposes, though I will likely get married in a church. Marriage is something I've always dreamed about and gushed over, though I know it's a heck of a lot of work and not all lovey dovey.

3. Do you believe in sex before marriage? Yes. I don't want to give my full opinion on why, but I think it is perfectly fine as long as you can handle the responsibilities, and of course, that it's legal.


4. Why do you think that so many relationships fail? Any personal stories? Communication, trust, honesty. Without those 3, you've got nothing. Love is the icing on the cake. You don't HAVE to have love to make a relationship "work," but by golly, it makes it so much better!

5. If you are GLBT, do you feel as though you face the same problems in a relationship as straight people do? Is being in a relationship with the same sex harder or easier? N/A

6. Any other comments? Please post!!!

Posts: 104 | From: College | Registered: Oct 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
libertatissacra
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1. Do you beleve in monogamy? If so, why? If not, why?

Well, define "blieve in." I think that monogamy is probably the best choice for many people, but not for everyone. I do not believe that love and sex are inherently related to one another. Sex has no rel emotional meaning beyond that which we give to it with any given person. So, I think that if someone wants to have sex with many people ith no emotions attached, I think it's totally fine. If someone is polyamorous and is in a relationship with more than one perso, I think that's fine. The only times when I would say it's not fine are when either a) te sex hat is being practised is not safe and/or legalor b) the person is not honest in how they communicate with those with whom they are involved. (For example, cheating, affairs, etc.)

Personally, I think I'll likely be most monogamous. I've had a few sexual encounters that were emotionally meaningless, and I've also had ex with someone I love a lot. I've found that I enjoy sex a lot more when there's emotional attachment involved. I also don't really think that I could emotionlly dedicate myself to more than one partner at a time, so polyamory is out. I would be open to trying a sexual encounter with my boyfriend and anther person, or anoter couple, though. Maybe not right at this moment in time, but the idea has always bee sort of appealing to me.

2. Do you Beleve in marriage? Does this have to do with your religion, personal beliefs, etc.?

I guess I believe in marriage. If I end up with the right person at the right point in my life, I may get married. I don't, however, see marriage as the be-all-end-all of being in love. Marriage, to me, is litte more than some legal benefits an an excuse to dress up pretty and eat cake. Both of which are good reasons to do it, in my opinion, but if I were to get married, marriage itself wouldn't be the make-it-or-break-it moment of our relationship.

3. Do you believe in sex before marriage?

In a word? Yes. I have no religious or emotional convictions that dictate that sex is only for marriage, and I woudln't marry someone without knowing that I was completely compatible with them, incluing being sexually comptible with them.

4. Why do you think that so many relationships fail? Any personal stories?

I think a lt of that depends on how you define failure. To me, few relationships "fail," because I think of failure as something that yo somehow weren't good enough at to complete, or something that was wasting your time. Of the several relationships I've ad that I am no loner in, I wouldn't say that any of them "failed" in that sense. I siply realised that, for whatever reason, I didn't want to be with that person anymore. We had a good time, we got to know each other better, and we both learned a thing or two about ourselves. Just because we decided that we didn't want to be with each other fo the rest of our lives doesn't mean our relationship failed, in my mind.

However, if by "failed" you mean that a couple simply doen't stay together "til death do us part," I'd say the reason most fail is becuse...well, yu can only be with one person for the rest of your life, and very, very few people are going to find that person in their first go. It's often a process of trial-and-error to find a person who we can truly have a life-long relationship with. And that's assuming that everyone even wants that kind of relationship. Many people don't.

5. If you are GLBT, do you feel as though you face the same problems in a relationship as straight people do? Is being in a relationship with the same sex harder or easier?

Well, I had a brief relationship with a MtF transsexual, so while we weren't the same sex, w wre the same gender. At least in my situation, it was probably the most difficult relationship I've been in just because the person I was dating was dealing with a lot of emotional baggage that I wasn't really prepared to deal with.

Posts: 115 | From: San Francisco, CA | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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1. Do you beleve in monogamy? If so, why? If not, why?

I am not so sure you can believe in monogamy. It's a concept that works great for some and not so well for others. It's just a matter of the kind of person you are, the place in life that you're at and the kind of person(s) you are with. I am currently in a monogamous relationship, and that's the thing both I and my partner want at this time, so it works for us.

2. Do you Believe in marriage? Does this have to do with your religion, personal beliefs, etc.?

I do think it's possible that I'll get married at some point, when it feels right. I am an atheist, so it's not a religious thing, but I view marriage as a way to officially commit to a partner and to openly show the bond that you share. As far as personal beliefs go, being a feminist, I've spent some time thinking about whether or not I want to support the concept of marriage, and I've come to the conclusion that marriage is a very personal and private thing, between the people who are getting married, and that they get to do it their own way. If I am in a loving, stable, mutually beneficial relationship, I don't see that committing myself to that partner necessarily upholds patriarchal notions of ownership. But I get not wanting to get married for those reasons.

3. Do you believe in sex before marriage?

I don't think I could ever marry someone where I did not feel comfortable with every aspect of the relationship. And sex is a very important part. Not to mention that, being queer, I find the notion a bit silly, given that I could at any point enter a relationship where marriage is never even an option.

4. Why do you think that so many relationships fail? Any personal stories?

As has been mentioned, I don't think relationships necessarily fail. I think it's more of a matter of 'graduating' from relationships. We're constantly growing and changing and maturing and if you're lucky you are with a partner who'll grow along with you, but especially when you're still young, you're more likely to end up realizing sooner or later that you're just not a good fit with a given person anymore.

5. If you are GLBT, do you feel as though you face the same problems in a relationship as straight people do? Is being in a relationship with the same sex harder or easier?

I've got to admit that I am horribly self-concious when I am in a same-sex relationship. Being in public with a same-sex partner, I am always convinced that everyone is staring at us. And it's just a million times more complicated to navigate really simple things like family gatherings or workplace conversations and such. But aside from those external things, I really don't think that same-sex relationships are fundamentally different, aside from the obvious (and very nice) lack of heteronormative assumptions.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Lollipop
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1. Do you believe in monogamy? If so, why? If not, why?

Monogamy is the basis of a serious, committed relationship.

2. Do you Believe in marriage? Does this have to do with your religion, personal beliefs, etc.?

Marriage isn't a religious thing for me, it's more like a contract that brings two people closer together.

3. Do you believe in sex before marriage?

In my opinion, if you're older it's better to have sex before marriage so there won't be any surprises as in issues in the bedroom that can negatively affect the marriage. If you're young, you should try to choose the right partners and act responsibly when having sex. Use protection and avoid dangerous situations.

4. Why do you think that so many relationships fail? Any personal stories?

There are tons of reasons why relationships fail, but from what I've seen...
- People rush into them without really getting to know their partner as a close friend.
- People are not willing to take the time to accept their partner's faults and/or their partner is not willing to do the same.
- Lack of patience and understanding.
- Lack of communication and honesty - secrecy, lying, cheating, and so on.

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plain milyeh
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1. Do you beleve in monogamy? If so, why? If not, why?

well, i don't *not* believe in monogamy. i believe that it's the best model for a lot of people...however, i also believe that polyamory is the best model for a lot of people. in general, i just think people need to be honest about what actually works for them, and not get so tripped up over what relationship model they're "used to"...that said, i'm not entirely clear on what works best for me. i've had unsuccessful attempts at both the mono thing and the poly thing. mono made me feel stuck, poly made/makes me feel lost. very confusing altogether, this relationship stuff.

2. Do you Believe in marriage? Does this have to do with your religion, personal beliefs, etc.?

again, i don't not believe in marriage. actually, i'm a big fan of the whole idea of it, but i do think some people enter into it who have no respect for what it really means, and that's just gross. i also think marriage is good from a kind of basic socratic standpoint, in that (while i recognise that lots of children are born outside of marital contracts, and there's nothing inherently wrong with that) my particular set of parentals would not likely have combined to produce me and my brother if it weren't for marriage. they would both likely have had other kids with other people, but those kids would not have been us, and i've quite enjoyed being us together for the past twenty years or so. soo hooray for marriage, and its being a sneaky way to get me mam out of the u.s. in the reagan era. [Wink]

as for me personally, i am fond of the idea that i will get married at some point, but it's not the be-all-end-all for me. i have been proposed to in the past, and my answer was no because i knew i wasn't ready at the time, regardless of whether the person who proposed to me would have been a good permanent partner or not.

3. Do you believe in sex before marriage?

once again, i don't not believe in it. i'm willing to support any decision a person honestly makes for themselves regarding whether to have or not to have sex before marriage--although it does seem that some people make unwise decisions in both directions. i guess the main thing a person should do is think for themselves. dogma is cool and all, but it doesn't actually mean anything without honest personal contemplation and reasoned committment to back it up.

as for me personally, i'm somewhat sexually active currently, and i'm not married, so obviously i'm not saving myself in any kind of general sense, but i have recently made a decision (not necessarily permanent, but it seems like some kind of sense at the moment) to abstain from having anyone's penis in my vagina until/unless a time arises when i think i could handle a hypothetical pregnancy. i don't necessarily mean marriage, or any kind of forseeably permanent partnership...but some kind of situation where i could either count on the father's/a partner's support, be okay with the idea of raising the child by myself, or some combination of the two. right now i'm a dumb careless university student, and so are my actual and potential sex partners, so i'd like to just avoiding the risk altogether seems like a solid plan to me.

4. Why do you think that so many relationships fail? Any personal stories?

people are young and stupid. people are not-so-young, but still quite stupid. people are looking for different things from each other, and fail to mention this. people want every relationship to be a pseudomarriage right off the bat. people want their interactions with other people to be completely simple, which they never are, thus making them exceedingly complicated, which they needn't be.

5. If you are GLBT, do you feel as though you face the same problems in a relationship as straight people do? Is being in a relationship with the same sex harder or easier?

i've had relationships with both dudes and ladies, and the same basic issues have definitely cropped up in both. because they're my issues. each relationship has been flavoured differently because of the different issues the other partner brought to the table, but my issues are going to be issues in any relationship i have, because any relationship i have is going to involve me. sounds pretty obvious, but it took me an embarassingly long time to figure that one out. [Wink]

a lot of straight girls seem to be under the impression that everything would be simpler for them if they could just be lesbians...aaaah. so false. i'm not saying it's inherently any more complex, but you've got all of your regular awkwardnesses two people bring to a relationship, plus all of the delightful social pressures and familial hangups that come from being a "freak". i definitely don't mean to imply that straight kids have it easy, but there are a lot of things they *don't* have to deal with, and for that they should be grateful.

Posts: 108 | From: caaaaanada. ('cause we've got rocks and trees and trees and rocks...) | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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