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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Meeting Good People

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Author Topic: Meeting Good People
Member # 29887

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I am so incredibly sick of being horribly by every guy I've ever dated. Even if I think I've finally found a good guy, I'm always proven wrong. Every time I get into a relationship I always get broken up with because the guy gets afraid of commitment, decides he doesn't like me anymore, is only interested in sexual favors, or cheats on me. I can't stand it anymore! It almost seems as though there's no point in even trying because every guy I like always turns out to be a complete and utter waste of my time, energy, and emotions.
But I was wondering, everyone here who is in a good relationship that they're really happy with, how do you meet a partner who isn't a complete scum bag? How do you find good people?

"Only fear the things which have the power to harm" --Dante Aligheri, "Inferno" canto 2

A miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the operation of a higher law.

Posts: 136 | From: Roma, Italy | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Bella, if you'd like, I'd be happy to go through your posts and take a look at what patterns might be there. Sometimes, it's SO hard to see the patterns we wind up in for ourselves, and a lot easier for someone on the outside to spot them.

Honestly, my advice here wouldn't be so much about meeting "good" people, so much as about going slow when it comes to how much time and energy you invest in any new relationship. Sure, sometimes, you do just "know," but often that takes years of experience in relationships to get there. For the most part, you just get to know overtime both if someone is decent, but also if someone is really the right fit for the kind of relationship you're looking for.

One biggie I see a lot here at Scarleteen (not saying this is the case with you, just a general observation) is a lot of young women saying okay to casual sex with the idea that that'll lead to something bigger. In other words, saying okay to something when that something isn't what they really want. So, I'd say it's very helpful NOT to jump into something that seems like it might LEAD to what you want, but isn't what you want as-is.

If you find you're also investing WAY more time and energy in your romantic relationships than you non-romantic ones, or seeking out romance way more often than anything else, it can help to rebalance things.

One other random tip I have that I have found works for me is that around the third date or so, if I think I'm going to continue dating and consider taking things more seriously, I have said date meet my closest friends once or twice, and then really listen to my friends' impressions of that person as well as the vibe they get from us as a pair. For the most part, when my friends see something ooky in someone, or get the impression I'm not a good fit with someone, they've nearly always been right.

Lastly: how about considering just taking a break from dating, full-stop, for a little while? Sounds like you could use it, and the rest of your life could likely use all that energy you've been putting into romance.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 15249

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I agree about taking it slow. You will meet people who are relationship material and others who are not right for you, but the only way to figure that out is by spending time getting to know people. Once you get to know them you find out if their values are similar to your own and if they enjoy some of the things that you do.
Posts: 213 | From: Spain | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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