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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I analyze too hard, but..I need some advice

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Author Topic: I analyze too hard, but..I need some advice
IvyCoveredGarden
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Member # 34049

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I'm 18. That fact makes me highly depressed. I feel like I'm getting old, and in all my years I have yet to find a person here who completes me. I've been through a lot in my youth so..on good days I feel about 80, heh.

I'm really shy, but only towards strangers. When I'm with what few friends I have I'm loud, funny, and I'm happy.

I just feel very alone. I hate needing to have a guy to justify myself but..there is just somethings a friend, even a best friend, can't do for me. I've only been able to act like a non-socially-retarded person online. I've had two abusive relationships, both of which I kept running back into head first, and come from an abusive home.

I dunno if that says anything but I kept going back because I always have this overwhelming need to be loved. I tell my bff that I'd do anything to feel that. It's a little distressing, my dependancy but it can't be helped.

Knowing that, I WANT to have a healthy relationship. There's this boy at work, Kyle. I like him a lot and I've never once felt anything for anyone I've been with. 'I love you's out of necessity and all. He makes me feel..not so old. I think he likes me but...there's these girls at work, one of which i dont like, and the other who hates me for no reason. My grandfather believes it's because I'm light-skinned and he says she could be pregidous(sp?) given that she is Jamaican and dark-skinned and/or she is jealous. Anyway, I spend a lot of time ignoring Kyle's flirtations because...i don't know how to act. No one's ever flirted with me irl. I don't know how to flirt back either. I'm used to saying what pleases but..I don't know what does with him. Online is much easier. So i laugh awkwardly and move on. Recently I let myself go to his house while he sat there and sketched while we talked. I felt new resolve..I wanted to go out with him but..a couple of days ago..he was saying did i want to come over his house to watch 28 weeks later and I said yes but he didn't believe me. I wanted to protest but the girls walked by and laughed, saying their taunts. He then moved away from me like I was diseased. I couldn't say anything, I just grabbed my coat and left since it was over for my shift.

I wanted to cry. I couldn't believe how he did that. Maybe like I believed in the first place, he was just being nice to the dorky, anti-social, glasses girl. My bff keeps insisting he likes me or he wouldn't spend time talking to me more or bothering me when there aren't any customers. How can I believe that's true?

Any advice on what to do would be helpful...before I just give up and resign myself to a decrepit, old house with a white picket fence and 50 cats.

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I to the V to the Y

Posts: 4 | From: PA | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ghostie
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It sounds like he does like you in my opinion, but these girls are putting him off, that isn't fair at all!
I know what it feels like to feel like you're getting old, I'm 18 too and as I had to stop school etc I felt like time has just been slipping away and I'll be too old to take it up again.
I say you persue this guy, he honestly sounds like he likes you but isn't sure if you like him back.
How about you ask him for his email, so he can get to know you without feeling pressured by jealous girls. Really, how immature of them. -.-
It sounds like going over to his and having a chat was great for you both. You could ask him if he still wants you to go over and watch the film, because you would love to. [Smile]

It can be so difficult feeling worthy of someone who makes you feel great when you yourself don't believe it.
Also, it's very normal to feel like you want someone to be there to love you and everything, who doesn't want that [Smile]

Have you had any counselling about your past abusive relationships?
It sounds as if this needs sorting out to help you move on.

Posts: 165 | From: England. | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
IvyCoveredGarden
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quote:
Originally posted by NoisyPinkBubbles:
It sounds like he does like you in my opinion, but these girls are putting him off, that isn't fair at all!
I know what it feels like to feel like you're getting old, I'm 18 too and as I had to stop school etc I felt like time has just been slipping away and I'll be too old to take it up again.
I say you persue this guy, he honestly sounds like he likes you but isn't sure if you like him back.
How about you ask him for his email, so he can get to know you without feeling pressured by jealous girls. Really, how immature of them. -.-
It sounds like going over to his and having a chat was great for you both. You could ask him if he still wants you to go over and watch the film, because you would love to. [Smile]

It can be so difficult feeling worthy of someone who makes you feel great when you yourself don't believe it.
Also, it's very normal to feel like you want someone to be there to love you and everything, who doesn't want that [Smile]

Have you had any counselling about your past abusive relationships?
It sounds as if this needs sorting out to help you move on.

Yay we're old together! I just don't feel like my life is going as fast as I want it to but..i'll be 19 before I know it.

Oh okay. As long as I'm not all strange with my 'need to be loved' obsession thing.

I guess it sounds like that. Maybe..but if he did like me wouldn't he ask for my phone number? I think I'm a hard person to get to open up for obvious reasons. I have issues with people touching me for godsake let alone getting to know me. Email or AIM would be good for me, I let myself be me on the internet far more than RL.

The problem is i only see him at work on Mondays seeing how he has school all week and i don't work on weekends. It takes me all of sunday and most of monday work to get the courage up. If something happens, like I see the jamaican girl talking to him I get discouraged AND jealous.

As for my abusive relationships. Well I haven't worked past my abusive childhood so they haven't been addressed either. I plan to adress my childhood because the relationships aren't bothering me anymore to the point of depression. MY childhood is causing me to resent my mom now that I am out of the house, and I cursed my stepfather to hell and back the last, and final time, I saw him.

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I to the V to the Y

Posts: 4 | From: PA | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
James the Dark
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I don't really have much to say, beyond that I can sympathize with your situation. If you're old at 18, then I am positively ancient at 21. Like you, I was abused as a child, albeit not by my family, and its fallout has left me pretty much isolated and unable to communicate in any human fashion to most people.

I'm just going to throw something out here, and take it if you will. Do you absolutely need to associate with the hateful girls you spoke of? Personally, I wouldn't spend enough time around them to make an obscene gesture in their direction, given the choice not. If it's a thing of employment, you could always talk to their boss, or failing that, find another job with less hateful people. Not having to deal with their pettiness might be a breath of fresh air. Sure it's not really going to help with the new-boy thing, but it's a life change which would probably be for the positive.

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"And you're really asking me if I prefer injury to embarrassment? That's not even a choice. I don't know anybody who's literally died of embarrassment."

People are annoying sometimes.

Posts: 78 | From: Summerside, PEI, Canada | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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