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Author Topic: How would you tell her?
joesomebody
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We'll I'm back again, this time with a whole new dilema.

The last time i was around here I was interested in a girl and didn't know what to do about it. With the help of people on this forum and close friends I've got it sorted out. We've now been dating for nearly 3 months and I've never been happier in my life.

I've never felt the way I feel about her. When were together time seems to go by way too fast. She means the world to me and I never thought I'd hear me say these words but I'm in love with her.

Now both her mother and her gram have had very bad relationships, she lives with them both. Her mother even ended up getting married to a guy after 2 months. So I know this needs to go slow but it has really. I cant rush this, shes never had a boyfriend before and I really don't want to screw this up.

It was over a month before I got a kiss, but now its casual. We haven't done anything sexual but thats because I don't want to rush it or force it on her.. I'm kinda confused about that as well. Don't get me wrong, shes a very attractive women IMO and I do want to be sexual with her but I also respect her and fear that by going to fast in that area that she may become uncomfortable and ultimately it could ruin my chances with her.

Well boys and girls, thats the long and short of it all. This is joesomebody signing off. All advice is welcome.

Posts: 18 | From: PA | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BiLLaBaBy017
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Keep doing what you're doing. It's only been 3 months and I think you're doing a very good job not rushing or forcing anything sexual on her. My mom and grandma were both in bad relationships as well, and I've had a few. Being that you are her first boyfriend she may be uncomfortable with things, but that's ok! Take your time. When she's READY to take things to the next level, she will tell you. When your with someone time does tend to just fly by, and sometimes we wish it would slow down. Try taking her out to dinner, maybe go to a movie, or go to eachother's house and pop a movie in. You said that you have fallen in love with her, does she feel the same for you?

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Posts: 294 | From: Minneapolis | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
joesomebody
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I honestly don't know how deep her feelings are for me. Shes a shy girl, she always has been and like I said i'm her first. We've spent a good bit of time alone now, we have gone to the movies servreal times and have watched movies/tv at her house a bit.

I'm dying to know how she feels for me. I think that by telling her how I feel she would let me know how she feels.

When I first told her that I really liked her and wanted to date her she gave me the sweetest look, said ok and gave me a hug and a kiss. I know she likes me, but I'm not sure if she loves me or not. I just really need to know, because if theres nothing there then the longer this goes on the more it will hurt in the end.

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cool87
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I'm thinking, especially since she is a shy girl, that it might take her some time before she is able to tell you how she really feels with words and not just signs. And that is if she ever tell you directly how she feels.

Maybe, too, she is still confused as whether or not she really loves you at this point which is more than just liking you, so that's why she hasn't already told you yet. She might be waiting for her feelings to be a little more clear before she exposes them to you. Sometimes that's something that might take more than a few months for some people to find out. And that can be confusing especially for people who are in their first relationship.

So if you are not willing to wait for her to tell you, if you are a bit impatient, then I think asking her would be your best bet here. Or as you said, you can always begin by telling her how you feel about her and see if she'll do the same. [Smile] I think that's the best you to know how she feels about you with real words and not just signs because signs are not that reliable and it's often difficult to find their real meaning with any accuracy.

[ 05-20-2007, 01:42 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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Posts: 3598 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
joesomebody
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I know that I've never felt this way before, at all. This is more then just a sexual attraction.

Its not that im impaitent, but its just wracking my brain wondering how she feels about me. I know its love that I feel for her, but I just don't know how deep her feelings for me go.

I think I want to give it another month before I tell her.. on june 10th we will have been dating for 3 months. But I've had these feelings since day one.

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orca
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If you do decide to tell her, just be prepared that she may not say it back at first. That doesn't mean she doesn't love you though. It could mean that she's too shy to say it or that she's not ready to commit at that level yet. I would just keep showing her, with actions not words, that you do love her and care for her. Just be there for her.
I remember how awkward it was the first time my boyfriend and I told each other "I love you." We had been doing christmas shopping and I bought myself a pair of shoes. He was lacing them up for me and started a long and flustered speech about having deeper feelings for me. He must have been nervous because the whole time he didn't look at me, he just kept staring at the shoes while trying to lace them. Then I had my flustered speech and finally we just came out and said it. Honestly it was really romantic, if a bit nerve-wrecking. [Smile]

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joesomebody
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Nerve wracking would be an understatement. I know she might not say it back, but I also know that it doesn't mean she doesn't have feelings for me.

Back before we were offically dating, probably like 3 weeks after I'd first taken her to the movies (I guess you wouldn't call it a "date") I was watching TV at her house one night and before I went to leave I asked her if I could have a kiss. She said she didnt know in a sorta weird way, veyr hard to explain. I then said "you don't like me" and she replied that it wasn't that it was just she's never had a boyfriend bfore and that everyones already had a boyfriend. I told her that I've never been in a relationship either and that we didn't have to rush. We then stared into each others eyes for about a good min and then she gave me a hug.

I could tell that she felt at least something for me.

I could also tell when I told her that I really liked her and wanted to date her. She gave me the sweetest ok I've ever heard in my life and a kiss on the cheek plus a hug.

I know she feel's something for me, maybe shes not as in love with me as I am with her, but I can only hope she is.

I will tell her, but after we've gotten a bit closer and have spent more time together. I can wait, its not worth the risk of losing her.

Posts: 18 | From: PA | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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