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Author Topic: Virginity
Janeorielly1614
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Member # 33448

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Well, I am 13 and I am not a virgin. I had sex for the first time about 4 months ago, with my boyfriend sean. We are still together and everything is goin great. I love him and he loves me and all that. We are having sex regularly (about twice a month.) I feel kinda guilty afterwards and I won't let him touch me for at least an hour. He hasn't really made a big deal of it yet, he just asked me what was wrong and I said I was ok. Also, in school now the nurses keep preaching abstinence and once, while i was getting a shot they asked me if I was sexually active, I said yes because I was afraid something would go wrong if I lied and the nurse started screaming at me saying how I was going to hell and all this stuff (I'm not christian though so it didn't bother me, I'm Wiccan, so I don't even beleive in hell.) and the only thing seperating me from the rest of the school was a curtain, so they all knew that either me or one of two other girls were having sex. Thankfully, one of the girls who was also behind the curtain, has a serious boyfriend and she said it was her. How do I stop being guilty? I love the closness me and sean have but I feel guilty afterwards. Like, I shouldn't be doing it and everyone would hate me if they knew. So, what should I do? [Frown]

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~*~ Jane ~*~

Posts: 3 | From: Newfoundland | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Well, what I'd suggest is doing what you can to try and find out where those feelings of guilt are coming from.

If they're all externally based -- in other words, based on what other people think, and not about you at all, that's one thing. And generally, with that sort of thing, it just takes time to get used to people not agreeing with your choices and dealing with that, something plenty of people have to deal with in their lives to some degree, for at least some choice or choices they make.

On the other hand, if that guilt is about YOU really feeling this isn't okay for YOU, or about not being as responsible as you could, or somehow not living according to your OWN ethics, things like that, then that is worth a bigger think to be sure that this is what you want to be doing. 13 is pretty young to be sexually active, especially per intercourse. That isn't to say it's not okay for some 13-year-olds, and maybe you're one of them. But it is mighty hard at 13 for most, for instance, to be getting the sort of regular sexual healthcare you and your partner need, to negotiate and deal with birth control and safer sex, to shoulder the extra health risks intercourse can pose for younger women specifically, and to navigate some of the social and interpersonal stuff that comes along with it. (Also, you really should be able to communicate things like this to a partner, so if you don't feel able to say you have conflicting feelings, I'd suggest re-evaluating readiness in general, and the state of your relationship per if you're both ready for some of this.)

You may know/feel this already, but it always stands to mention that any kind of sex isn't something anyone is obligated to keep doing once they start doing it. So, should you come to the conclusion that the bad feelings and guilt are really about YOU not being down with doing this, you can always step things back if you need to.

(We do have to mention, though, that for users having sex under the age of consent, and thus illegally, that you are possibly breaking the law, depending on the age of your partner and your location. So, that's always something to think about, and in addition, we can't have users posting about unlawful activity here, so if your partner's age does put you both outside the law, for your protection as this is a public place, and ours as a resource, do us a favor and don't post his age. Thanks.)

[ 04-16-2007, 03:13 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67994 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Janeorielly1614
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We are legal, : ) We checked, beleive me.

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~*~ Jane ~*~

Posts: 3 | From: Newfoundland | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Okie dokie. I'd still make sure to address the other things I brought up.

And I apologize: I completely forgot to mention that it's HIGHLY unlikely the policies at your school allow for teachers or nurses to be yelling at students in the way you described, so if you're feeling proactive, I'd suggest looking at those ploicies and reporting that nurse for her behaviour. No one should be treating anyone that way, ever, patricularly someone whose job is supposed to be to care for students.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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saguy
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Member # 32916

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Age of consent in Canada is 14.
Posts: 35 | From: Canada | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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