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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » routine

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Author Topic: routine
Member # 26390

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I feel really strange posting this. My boyfriend and I will have been together for 3 years the 30th of this month, and he's been such a wonderful boyfriend and friend. Problem is, I recently, almost all of a sudden, started to feel as if everything was beginning to bore me. Maybe it's the fact that we've been together for so long, or maybe it's something else, since when my best friend has come over the last couple of times, I felt kind of awkward with him too. Maybe it's all the panic attacks and nightmares I've been having lately.

In any case, what I feel is like we've gotten into a routine. A non-communicative one. It's not that we don't trust each other, or that we're afraid to tell each other what we think. It just feels like we do the same things, say the same things. I'm a very verbal person; if I don't express myself with words, I don't feel complete. He, on the other hand, is very quiet. That makes him a great listener, but I need something more than that. I feel like our conversations are dry. I'll talk for 3 minutes straight and he'll answer back with two letter words or phrases. Typical:

Me: What did you do while I was at the beach this past week?
Him: Play Final Fantasy.


Me: What do you want to do for our anniversary?
Him: I don't know, nothing comes to mind.

I've often asked him, pleaded that he talk some more, because I can't stand feeling like I'm the only one showing any interest (because that's another thing, he says that since he figures I'll tell him everything anyway, he doesn't need to ask about how my day was or any equivalent, and what I wouldn't give for a simple "how are you feeling?" more than once in a blue moon). He does try, but it's really hard for him.

When he comes over, it's pretty much always the same, too. Comes over, sex, sleep, video games, occasionally play the piano for a while, leaves. We have lots of mutual friends, which we have a great time with when we're together, but the conversation dries out when we're alone. When he does talk, he only says stuff about computers and video games and Dungeons and Dragons, which is all ok since we both love them (except that I'm a dunce for computers [Razz] ), but I wish there was something more he would tell me.

I looked at some of the date ideas on the site, but some of them are just not feasible. Sitting on park benches, for one, is not; not only does C.R. have a pretty high crime rate, if I feel I have to squeeze words out from him, that wouldn't work any better than sitting on my bed and talking. And we're not one for just going to the mall to hang out either; too many of my classmates are there, and while lots of them are not mean so to say, they're not the kind of people I want to be seeing all the time.

I can't say I feel butterflies in my stomach when I see him anymore; after 3 years, it'd be kind of weird if I did. I do miss him when I'm alone, and I honestly would feel horrible if I broke up with him. Problem is, I don't know if I feel horrible because we've been together for 3 years and it's now somewhat like tradition. Then again, I can see myself with him in a distant future. And really, I think that this is a problem that can have a solution, and therefore is worth fighting to overcome it instead of just throwing the towel.

I definitely will plead with him again to talk to me more. He always accepts, he's always willing to do anything for me, but it's just so hard for him.

I'm not ready to give in, but I feel about ready to break down.

[ 04-07-2007, 02:12 AM: Message edited by: Nailo ]

Posts: 410 | From: Dallas, TX | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 33343

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So to me this sounds a bit like "drifting away" which can always be stopped, if wanted to. I know what you mean when you talk about your boyfriend not being to talkative, is this guy compleatly open with you? I hope so considering this is a 3 year relationship here. There are ways you can work on this but it's gonna take more work from you, To be honest with you, I really don't see your boyfriend opening up anymore then he already is, I mean you say that he will do anything for you, then your just gonna have to be the one to but that little extra "push" in the relationship, that is if you wanna put that "push". It seems that you already put forth a lot more then he does, maybe it might just take a conversation with him, tell him that you are drifting away from him because he doesn't put forth in the relationship like you do, hopefully it might open his eyes and then maybe he might see that he needs to work on it a little bit more, and look even if his worst fear is "opening up" you are his girlfriend of 3 years, he should not have trouble with that.


Posts: 44 | From: Missouri | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 13388

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Ecofem     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Nailo, just to throw out a question there: Had you recently brought up past abuse with him the first time? How has that gone? (And sorry if I'm putting random stuff together and this doesn't apply.)
Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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