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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » cheating bf?

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Author Topic: cheating bf?
melissa1506
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i have been with my bf over a year now, i know all of his friends- guys and females, but recently i had a feeling he was cheating he was just acting diff... i did something bad 2nite i checked his voicemials...and sure enough was a voicemail from a girl ( who i dont know) saying "hey its me, call me when you get in from hockey"....am i over reacting? i want to dead hingd with him. i feel bad for checking his vmail but i knew it had a feeling. who else would say "hey its me" only i say that .....am i over reacting?
Posts: 88 | From: ny | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Lauren-
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You might want to refer to your previous thread on this same subject:

http://www.scarleteen.com/cgi-bin/forum/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=3;t=007819;p=1#000000

We really can't tell you much beyond what we said there. If you have continuing feelings that things just aren't right, you may want to consider having a serious talk about the relationship continuing.

Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
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While I second Miss Lauren's advice about communicating with him, I also want to point out that a voicemail like that could easily be harmless.

I almost never identify myself when I leave messages; I assume the person I'm calling will either be expecting my call, be informed by caller id, or recognize my voice. My behavior doesn't change no matter what the gender or relationship status of my friend.

To be honest, the only suspicious behavior I see thus far is your own. Checking his voicemail without his knowledge or permission is a huge violation of his privacy. I think it would be best if you came clean about that and tried to work on rebuilding trust in your relationship.

Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
AngelC27713
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I dont think Its wrong to check his email..I mean if u guys are in a relationship and he really cares about u then he should have nothing to hide...Just ask him about it first..Dont flip out..it could JUST! be a friend..U can tell if hes lying by the way he reacts..If he gets all mad and explodes u should probably worry but if hes cool and can explain it to u without loosing his head then u dont have anything to worry about..Thats how it happens mostly..But its not definitely

But DONT get mad..because then hes gonna flip reguardless

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!!-->MizZLoFteN<--!!

Posts: 33 | From: Durham, North Carolina | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Lauren-
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"Really caring about" somebody doesn't give them an all-access pass to your personal life, nor entitle them to being Lord and Master of Your Universe.

It's healthy and sane for folks to have lives outside their current partnerships and be free to do as they please. Everyone in a relationship runs the risk of their partner doing things they don't approve of behind their backs; that's life, that's human nature.

If a strong sense of mutual trust exists, the person will likely be more willing to talk openly about their activities with their partner, versus the shattering of that trust caused by snooping; thus, more sneaking around.

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melissa1506
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hey well my suspicions were right, remember at first how i felt guilty for checking ym bfs voicemail and heard a girls message? well two weeks went by and i checked it again, and 3 more messages from the same girl ! but this time they were messages saying things like " ur the best boyfriend ever and i love you all enough proof in them that was cheating!!!! i cant believe it! you would think that when would he have the time for this if he was wiht me everyday but he did! and i approached him about it and told him i checked his voicemail and all he said was im changing my voicemail password, and he has not called me since!
Posts: 88 | From: ny | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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It really sucks that things turned out so badly for you, Melissa. Checking your boyfriend's voicemail was an invasion of his privacy (though if you had his password - was that something you two considered okay?), but what he did to you was beyond lousy.

He's cheated on you, and since I understand that you'd agreed to be in a monogamous relationship, that's just not on. Seems like now's the time to seriously consider ending the relationship.

If he's been ignoring you already, that probably means he knows he screwed up, but I am sure it would help you to move on quicker if you could get in touch with him and let him know how you feel about him and the relationship.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
melissa1506
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hey i agree checking his voicemail was invasion of his privacy but ive known his password for over a year and never checked it till recently b/c ive had these suspicions bc hes been actin so wierd! but i am so upset because i know it is time to end things becuase he did cheat but it is so hard to just realize its over and ill never c him or talk 2 him again becuase when your with someone everyday i guess its a change
Posts: 88 | From: ny | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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