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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Liar, liar...

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Author Topic: Liar, liar...
Member # 30756

Icon 9 posted      Profile for Sybil     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm a bit mixed up on what to do. Here's my situation:

I hate lying. I think it's a horrible thing to do to someone. My boyfriend knows this, and knew it before we started dated. I made it clear to him that he could come to me about anything no matter what the situation was.

Over the past few months I've been with him, he's lied to me several times about things that really hurt me--
1. He lied to me about watching porn. I know it's a silly thing to be upset about, but I have low-self esteem, so him watching it really doesn't make me feel too awesome about myself. But, anyway, he lied initally about watching it, then finally admitted that he did to me. He also promised that he wouldn't watch it again because it did hurt my feelings. I loved him, so I forgave him.
2. He lied to me about having a one-night stand; more or the less, the number of people he had slept with (before me, that is). I found out when he accidentally slipped by saying it--So for about 4 months, I believed he only had slept with 2 girls, when it turns out it was actually 3. I was very upset that he had lied to me about something so irrelevant, but he promised me he would never lie to me again, and wanted to start fresh. So again, I forgave him. I also told him that if he lied to me again, I would be done with him.

Flash forward to today--I was on his computer, and I was trying to go onto a website, and as I clicked the the web address space to enter in the website, several other websites popped down...including two porn sites. I asked him about it, and he denied it multiple times, until he finally admitted it. And it hurt me tremendously.

Now, I don't know what to do--I love him to death, and losing him isn't something I want...but on the flip-side, I feel like if I stay with him, I'm just giving him the "okay" to keep lying to me, and that I should stand my ground to let him know just how much I don't appreciate being lied to about petty things.

Any advice? Please?

Posts: 18 | From: Detroit | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 5375

Icon 1 posted      Profile for -Jill     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
If lying is a deal breaker for you it's time to move on.

It sounds like he's lying to avoid an argument with you. While I don't think looking at porn or the number of partners someone has had should be given a great deal of importance, I definitely don't think lying is an acceptable way to show that. Even if the truth were to cause a fight, I think having an honest discussion is far more valuable and could have even improved your relationship. Dishonesty will never improve anything and removed the opportunity to discuss these issues.

And if he's willing to tell you what you want to hear, even if it's untrue, what happens when it's something important? Will he continue to only tell you the things he thinks you want to hear? Under what circumstances will he be honest?

If it sounds like I'm being harsh it's because lying is a deal breaker for me too and if this were my relationship, I'd be gone.

Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 30756

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Sybil     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You don't sound harsh at all, dear =)
Posts: 18 | From: Detroit | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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