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Author Topic: Torn between 2 people
BiLLaBaBy017
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Ok so everyone knows that I'm in the process of a divorce from my abusive husband. I started this new job about a month ago, and I met this guy named Rick. We started hanging out at work, and then we started hanging out outside of work.

At that time he had just gotten out of a relationship with another girl named Ashley, who is bipolar, and played with emotions, played head games, etc. I do like him, and I know that it is WAY too early to get into another relationship and I need to heal first.

I'm still going to love Max for the rest of my life, but what he did to me was unnecessary and completely uncalled for. I realize that now, and I also realize that our marriage will never work, no matter how hard I try.

Rick says that he wants to give me a chance at a relationship, but since his break-up with Ashley, he has been really messed up. Almost feeling empty as he puts it, and he feels like he won't be able to love again. I am torn between the 2, but I want to give him a chance. But the most important thing is to let myself heal first. Any thoughts?

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Yesterday is history
Tomorrow is mystery
Today is a gift


*^_AsHLeY_^*

Posts: 294 | From: Minneapolis | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
logic_grrl
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As you say, you need to heal first - and also get through the divorce. Starting any new relationship is going to be a whole lot easier once you know you're safe from your husband.

It also sounds like Rick needs some time to get over his last relationship and get his head together.

So it could be worth letting him know that you like him, and you'd like to keep hanging out and getting to know him better, but you're not ready for a relationship yet. See how he feels about that.

Any relationship is going to have a much better chance of lasting if you're not both "rebounding" from past bad situations.

On the other hand, if he's pressuring you to make a snap decision, even after admitting that he's not in a good state himself right now, that could be a bad sign.

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"Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it." - the Talmud

Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BiLLaBaBy017
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He knows that I like him, and we both know that we have to get over our issues before we can have any kind of relationship. He never asked me to make a decision right now. He told me that he would love to get to know me better and than take things to the next level, which is something that I'm glad he said. He knows I'm having a hard time, and he knows how I feel, and he said that I can take as much time as I need. I feel that is all I need to hear: that he is actually willing to wait for me until I'm truly ready to begin another relationship.

Things are kind of crazy right now because the divorce isn't final, and Max pretty much took away all the power and self-esteem out of me, which is why I always act so down and sad all the time. I was a much happier person when I wasn't with him. And I have to try really hard to gain back what I lost when I was married to him. I seriously thought about becoming a lesbian, because I've had such bad luck with guys, and the ones that I date tend to abuse me after awhile. I don't know why I choose those types of men. Sometimes I feel that becoming a lesbian would be a much better thing to deal with. Does that sound crazy?

--------------------
Yesterday is history
Tomorrow is mystery
Today is a gift


*^_AsHLeY_^*

Posts: 294 | From: Minneapolis | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
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No, it doesn't sound crazy but it does sound a bit impractical. Being a lesbian isn't about having had bad relationships with men, or disliking men, or men at all. [Smile] It's about be attracted to women and if you're not I don't think dating them is a good idea at all. You'll just have a whole new set of problems.
Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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