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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Need help with my girl and my private time

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Author Topic: Need help with my girl and my private time
Member # 27441

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Hi guys,
I have a girl I really like and she likes me.
The problem is, she wants to spend too much time with me. Like she comes to my house every day and then we go out etc. Its been like this for 16 day, since the first day we started going out.
Now, i realy like3d it for around...12 days. But lately I'm getting a bit annoyed by it, I mean I still like her, but I dont have time to play computer (which I enjoy), read books, do research, wathc tv...simply have some private time.

I tried telling her, but she doesnt understand. I gotta admit I'm a bit addicted to computer ( world of warcraft,hehe), and I want some time to play it, its the time I get to chat with friends, have some online action etc...but she doesnt understand, for her, its only an addiciton thats sick, time consuming and only getting into our relationship.

How should I explain to her, that I need some me-time ?

Posts: 53 | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Mr. Matthew
Member # 29890

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People are all different, so any time one says women are like XYX and men are like ABC there will be lots of exceptions. However, I'll stick my neck out and express a stereotype in which there is some truth. If anyone wishes to comment or disagree I won't take offense.

Men like to talk about things: cars, tools, sports, video games. And you, even when talking to friends, like to do it via one of your favorite things, your computer.

Women like to talk about people: themselves, their friends, relationships, hurts they've received, feelings. They like to be with people too.

It sounds like your woman friend wants you to participate with her in her favorite activity. Being and talking with people, especially you.

I recommend trying to talk about this. If you want a woman friend then you need to understand and satisfy her needs. Likewise she needs to try to do the same with you. Discuss your differences and how you might work out a compromise. If it has to be all one way, for either of you, the relationship won't get very far. But if you can learn to accomodate each others needs, you will have learned a lesson that will stand you in good stead for the rest of your lives.

Posts: 220 | From: Massachusetts, USA | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 30139

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do you think by the 12th day you may have found that you and this girl are different more than you imagined to begin with? In my opinion only I feel like some people can "smother" someone else and it will soon ruin a great relationship. I would tell her I need time to have for myself for awhile. you have to be open and honest and do not begin the relationship by hiding this from her. If you have to start out (even on the 12th day) being dishonest and find ways to get rid of her, then you will soon learn you will have to do this through the relationship. just tell her straight out your needs and that you want to do other things also, and tell her how you feel about her if you do feel something, even if it is just liking her for now. She may have opened her heart a little to quick for what you are ready for, and we all need that time for just US, as you put it..if she thinks the computer is "sick" just tell her thats where you are different. and there is nothing wrong with being different.. Does she have any interests, likes or dislikes, hobbies? if so, suggest to her that certain days of the weeks will be "your days and on those same days maybe she can do her thing as well...But, be honest and just get it out to begin with.. if it doesnt work, it just wasnt meant to be, right? Good luck!!


Posts: 37 | From: Alabama | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 29212

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I'm a female geek, and I happen to love video games and stuff, so I'm going to throw in my 2 cents from that somewhat uncommon point of view. I don't play World of Warcraft (WoW) myself, but I have lots of male friends who do play it, and they have ALL run into problems with their girlfriends at one point or another.

The biggest problem seems to be that the guys are too "addicted" to the game. For instance, one of my friend's girlfriends asked him to come over and help her study for a physics test...and he went to her room, with his laptop, and hooked up WoW while saying, "Just give me another few moments, honey, I'll help you after I finish this raid." Another friend kept promising his girlfriend they'd go out and then cancelling last minute "because I'm about to level up" or something like that. When stuff like THAT happens, the women feel as if the video game is taking preference over themselves--"Why do you spend so much time playing that game when you could be spending time with ME?"

I don't see anything in your post that says you might be that kind of guy, but perhaps your girlfriend fears you may become that kind of person, and that's why she thinks it's just a sick sort of addiction. She's head over heels for you and wants to hear and see proof that she's the most important thing in your life, beacuse what person doesn't want to know that they're the ultimate special thing for someone else? It seems like that for her, spending lots of time with you is the way that she wants to verify that you care for her.

However, you're totally valid, too, in wanting time to yourself. I think you need to sit down and talk with her, like everyone else is saying. Just don't EVER say, "Oh, I can't go out tonight because I promised friends I'd be on WoW"--but tell her you have prior commitments and that you'll take her out the next day or something, and then--most importantly--FOLLOW THROUGH with that! Go to dinner, to the zoo, an art show, somewhere to spend lots of time with her, letting her know that she is loved and appreciated. I've seen a lot of relationships fall apart because of WoW (the ex-girlfriends I know dub themselves "WoW Widows"), and I hope this doesn't happen to you!

Posts: 47 | From: WA | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5375

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Originally posted by Mr. Matthew:
However, I'll stick my neck out and express a stereotype in which there is some truth. If anyone wishes to comment or disagree I won't take offense.

I'm actually finding your use of stereotypes to illustrate your points problematic; there's a reason stereotypes have a bad reputation. Using them actively excludes many people and we try very hard to be an inclusive community here and recognize that everyone is built just a bit differently. Stereotypes run contrary to those goals.

I've seen some excellent advice come from you, but making generalizations really detracts from your overall message. Given how well you write, I'm sure you can find a more effective means of making your point and hope you do so.

Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Wise Janet Weiss
Member # 30392

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You can have some ME time.But sometimes you need a break from that virtual stuff (trust me,I'm a Sims2 addict)
Posts: 320 | From: South of something. | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 27083

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My boyfriend is very much into WoW, as well. [Smile]

However, I don't really see this as a problem. I can see why you would want time for yourself. Spending every single day with someone can get to be a bit much. Just explain to her that you care for her very much, but you need to devote some time to YOU. Limit the amount of time that you spend together to, say, three times a week or something. My boyfriend and I have it set so that we see eachother once a week, hence giving the both of us time to live seperately and enjoy our own hobbies.

Also, if you want you could ask her if she would like to learn how to play. I asked my boyfriend if I could "play," and he really gets a kick out of watching me try to get around there. I think he enjoys teaching me how to do certain things on the game, and he finds it amusing too.

I was interested to see what all the fuss was about, and it turned out to be a very enjoyable experience. Plus, it gives us something to enjoy together.

You should have seen his face when he was teaching me how to play Halo! D: That was a fun experience. I still ask if we can play that one. Heh.

[Big Grin]

[ 08-24-2006, 05:06 PM: Message edited by: Mathilde ]

Posts: 80 | From: Alabama, USA | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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