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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Broken [up]

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Author Topic: Broken [up]
Member # 26275

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This morning my boyfriend and I broke up. It was semi-mutual... I brought up some issues about our relationship, asked him to be completely honest with me, and he told me that he doesn't love me and sees me more as a friend than anything else. He said that I was a "good person" and he cared about me and he wanted to still be friends with me after we "take a break from each other for awhile."

The thing is, this was my first serious relationship, and while I had inklings something like this might happen... it's really hitting me pretty hard. I've never had a "serious" break-up, and I feel like I'm dying. (Dramatic, I know... but it really feels like this kind of pain could stop my organs from working). All day I've been crying (I can't seem to STOP) to the point that I've given myself a headache and nausea. I managed to fall asleep for a few hours only to wake up, remember what had happened, and feel like someone kicked me in the stomach.

I know this isn't something that advice can be given on... I know that it's just something that I need to get over...
But I feel so overwhelmed and so alone that I didn't know what to do and I need some support, any support. What can I do to feel better, or at least gain control over my emotions? I don't think I can handle this... I just want him to hold me and tell me that he was wrong, he does love me, and it's going to be okay. I want <i>anyone</i> to do that.
Please, words of wisdom... I need everything I can get right now.

Posts: 23 | From: IL | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 29269

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I know exactly what you mean and it really is the pits. The only advice I can think of is to throw yourself into other spheres of your life. Do you play a musical instrument? Is there a school play at the minute? Are you good at arts or crafts? Or sports?
Word of warning on the music front though: do NOT try songwriting for a while because that just makes it worse. Trust me, you'll only be able to write about him and that's not what you want to be doing.
It's important to find a way of drawing a line. Maybe write down all the things you love about him, and put that and all the things you have that remind you of him in a box for a few months. Or maybe write ONE song (if that's what you do) about your feelings at this time. Perhaps listen to your 'our song' if you have one, just once and then not again.
Basically, you need to move on, and that's hard. And it's even harder because the person who normally supports you through hard times isn't there. But it's what you have to do.
One of the best things, if you like reading, is to read a good book. it'll be hard to get into, but persevere and you'll concentrate on the feelings of the characters instead of yours. It really helps.
I really hope that one day soon you can move on. I wish you the very best of luck. [Smile]

“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

Posts: 1269 | From: London, UK | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 26516

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First off, big hug to you.

I know all too well the feeling of being physically ill because of emotional pain, and crying non-stop because of it. But, I also know that it passes, and that things get better.

My best words of widsom in a situation like this: Go out and spend time with your friends. I know it's hard to make yourself go out, but it's probably the best way to stop constantly thinking about everything to do with this guy.

I would even suggest a girls night out with your best girl friends, if that's a possibility. Tell them the situation, and I'm sure they'll do everything possible to take you out and help you think of other things.

I know it doesn't seem like it now, but the pain will get more bearable, and things will get better.

Another big hug to you. Keep us updated on how you're doing ok?

[ 07-25-2006, 04:32 PM: Message edited by: blysse_norwood ]

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Posts: 1345 | From: Canada | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 29991

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Hey...well i had my first real boyfriend and first serious realtionship in march and when we broke up i thought my world was over...well i was wrong...the only thing i can tell you to do is go shopping with your friend or do something to have fun and try to get him off of your mind...if you sit aroudn and think about him all day that will just make it worse...hope things get better
Posts: 8 | From: North Carolina | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 26275

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Thank you for the support... I know that the best things I can do right now are just let it out, try and spend time with the other people in my life, and move on... but just when I think I'm doing okay and the torrential crying has stopped... it starts again. I feel like a mess.

I really, really want to call him. I can't decide if I should or not -- everyone I know says not to. I wish that we could just be friends... I think this would be great. I think that I knew we weren't a great couple... we were more like friends who hung out all the time. He obviously wasn't in love with me, and I think that more than anything I just wanted to feel like someone cared about me. I think I really just want love, and I thought maybe I could get it from him.
I don't know -- it's late and I can't sleep and I'm rambling.

I just want to call him, to hang out and watch a movie... I don't know if this is wrong or not. Should I give it time? Should I not even call him at all? I'm just so afraid that this wonderful person who I care about so much and love to be around will be gone from my life forever.

Posts: 23 | From: IL | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 27083

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I think it might be best that you hold off from calling him for a little while. It sounds hard, but you need to seperate yourself from him, and calling him will just make everything more difficult. Delve into one of your passions. Paint, draw, write a story, read, hang out with your friends, treat yourself to something special.

I'm not saying you should block out your pain -- you shouldn't -- but you should manage it. I find that painting (even if you don't think your good at it) really helps to relieve emotions. Get creative.

*many hugs*

Keep us updated, sweetie. [Smile]

[ 07-28-2006, 10:28 AM: Message edited by: Mathilde ]

Posts: 80 | From: Alabama, USA | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 29464

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don't call him. i know it's hard, and every part of you wants to, but hold off on that.
i find expressing my creativity a great way to release emotions like heartache, i listened to music for HOURS after the initial break up, i lived through the lyrics i was hearing, after i let out that pent up sadness and frustration i poured it into my artwork (i draw a lot), and then after i had enough of that i put in a chick flick and called over some friends to keep me company. i still felt like crap afterwards, thinking about his arms (or really, anyone's arms) being around me again. but it does get better and you do move on, and then after some time has passed and your feelings aren't so strong and both you and him want to continue a friendship then go for it! (just don't keep the friendship going because there's a part of you that thinks you might get back together... subconsciously i did that, and we did get back together, but then we broke up again and HE ended up wanting to stay friends, and now he's admitted it's because he hopes to one day win me back, but i want no part of that, so it's not a real friendship)

Posts: 68 | From: USA | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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