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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » so insecure. . .

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Author Topic: so insecure. . .
bellaitaliana69
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This school year I started having alot of problems with my so-called friends. It all started when my now ex-boyfriend and I broke-up, and he started making-fun of me behind my back. The problems with this guy weres, I always felt as though he didn't appreciate me for anything more than my physical beauty (at least it really seemed that way, i promise i'm not trying to brag). We never had any conversations that were more meaningful than what he just ate, he would brag about how he got a "hot girl" to his friends, while never mentioning any of my other qualities, and he never payed attention to anything I said. He always forgot our anniversaries, and if I ever tried to discuss anything remotly emotional with him he would either make some immature joke or just laugh at me (this is part of a bigger problem too. every relationship i've been in has been short and crappy, and very similar to this past one. guys want to go out with me because they think i'm pretty, and once they get to know the real me they don't like me as much. i want so desperatly to be more than just a meaningless fling!). Now my friends all think that I'm some kind of drama queen! First they started having get-togethers without me, and then eventually they just started being mean to me. I really wish that I could just not care what they think and find some new friends, but people's opinions really affect me. I know it sounds so weak, but I desperatly want people to like me, and I can't help feeling as though I've done something wrong. I don't think I've ever done anything to anger them, but I dunno, sometimes people are funny like that.
I also really really love theater. These people who I guess I could call my "ex-friends" are part of the "theatrical crowd" at school, and I'm afraid of how things will turn out when we're eventually in plays and such together.
These people are just so difficult! I'm just never good enough to be "one of them". They think that they're so much better than everyone else and have the right to go making fun of people! It's so frustrating!! But I can't just avoid them, because we unfortunatly have common interests. *sigh* any advice?

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"Only fear the things which have the power to harm" --Dante Aligheri, "Inferno" canto 2

A miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the operation of a higher law.

Posts: 136 | From: Roma, Italy | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DarkChild717
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Hey, bella? Can you break that up into paragraphs? Big blocks of text are hard to read and scare off potential posters. Also, this belongs in Relationships, so it'll get moved there. Thanks!

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Posts: 2789 | From: The Evergreen State | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
samantha357
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as of the relationships with the guys, do you do anything to flatter your looks? such as make-up or fixing you hair special with no reason? if so, try not to and see how it goes. If not, then have you tryed to get to know the guy before you go out with him? Getting to know how he is around his friends and around you BEFORE a relationship could save you some heartache.

As of with your "ex-friends", if they ditched you without you agravating them, they weren't friends, were they? Do you think you could make friends in some of the other groups/"crowds"?

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"All is fair in love in war... wait... that doesn't sound right..."

The love you cant have lasts the longest, feels the strongest... & hurts the deepest

Posts: 81 | From: Oklahoma, USA | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Djuna
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My advice would be to go out with guys who you admire for their emotional maturity, even though they may not be the people you find attractive.
And generally, these are the guys who will be buff in 10 years. That's what I'm hoping anyways. [Wink]
Seriously though, if you don't want to be judged purely on your physical appearance, you have do the same when picking a boyfriend.
Also? Don't be afraid to initiate relationships yourself (I don't know if you do already, but I have a point coming right up.) Lots of guys who are really emotionally mature can be quite intimidated by good-looking people. Trust me, I've been there. It's terrifying. [Smile]
And of course, anyone who told you a girl shouldn't ask out a guy is WRONG. Feminism had a point to it, and women should have the same rights as guys. Use those rights. [Smile]

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“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

Posts: 1269 | From: London, UK | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
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quote:
Originally posted by smileyjoseph:
My advice would be to go out with guys who you admire for their emotional maturity, even though they may not be the people you find attractive.

Actually, smileyjoseph, I have to respectfully disagreed with you here. bella, I say "hold out" for guys you find both attractive and kind.

I'm sure you have a lot to offer-- good looks and personality, so don't sell yourself short for an uncaring guy. You mention feeling as if "every relationship i've been in has been short and crappy, and very similar to this past one." (Hey, I know that feeling myself!) I say take a break from relationships for awhile; dating is ok, but no commiting yourself to one person.

Take this time to think about your past relationships, observe the relationships of people around you, watch your own interactions with guys. Over time you'll gain a keen sense of "trying to get into my pants" versus "trying to get into my pants and wanting to get to know me as a person." [Wink] (They're out there, it just takes some weeding out, so to speak.)

In the meantime, enjoy your interests and friendships. I'm sorry your theatre aquaintances have let you down. Try to give your interactions less power. What do I mean by this is? Try not to let them get to you so much, make you feel bad. Just remember you're doing acting for yourself, and these people aren't pleasant but don't control your happiness.

Gosh, if you're in Rome, I can imagine they're a lot of theatre group options with nice (or at least new people) for you to check out.

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bellaitaliana69
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Thank you very much for the advice everyone. You're right, Ecofem, I'm sure there are other theater groups I could find. That's one of my favorite things about living in Rome--the super-abundance of culture. My family and I moved here from the United States when I was 10, and it's been a really great experience for me.

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"Only fear the things which have the power to harm" --Dante Aligheri, "Inferno" canto 2

A miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the operation of a higher law.

Posts: 136 | From: Roma, Italy | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
isabelle
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wow thats ME! I have alot of the same problems!
bfs dump me after they figure out my personality is more complex than my boobs
bella I suggest since I had the exact same problem that you keep youre true and very complex personality on the surface instead of the skin deep personality thats so fun to portray in public, once i did that people started respecting me alot more even though I hadnt really changed I just acted myself
people will try to prejudice you and thats cause theyre jealous but dont worry they will admire you in the end cause if youre a real person like you seem to be unlike them then they will see it very quickly, I have been beautiful my whole life(and I'm not being concieted just blunt) and it has been an awkward life of course but now i have a great boyfriend and people admire me and i still have a long way to go!
thats crazy you love acting, I do too!

Posts: 29 | From: usa | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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