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Author Topic: Messed up relationship, need help
amcca18
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Member # 28757

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So basically, I started sleeping with one of my best friends, who also happend to be the ex-boyfriend of one of my other best friends (bad of me, I know). Things have been going really well up until now. He lies to me about what he's doing half of the time, blows me off last minute with no explanation, and treats me different when around our friends. He gets jealous when I'm out with, or mention guy friends,but he has never mentioned anyting about breaking things off, or being with anyone else. Can someone tell me, what is all this?
Posts: 14 | From: Toronto, Ontario | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Why aren't YOU thinking of breaking things off?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67131 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
amcca18
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I really like him. I know it sounds bad, but I think I'm too scared to confront him incase it screws up our relationship as friends. I want to have more, but I dont know how to go about this.
Posts: 14 | From: Toronto, Ontario | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You know, if you're too scared to communicate about basic stuff in a relationship?

It's NOT a healthy relationship to stay in. Someone treating you like garbage, and you're worried about losing your friendship? WHY? He's not acting like your friend.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67131 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
amcca18
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Member # 28757

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Yah, thats what other people have been telling me. Maybe it'll sink in after hearing from somebody outside my circle of close friends. Thanks, I'll find some way to deal with this.
Posts: 14 | From: Toronto, Ontario | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Johann7
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Ugh, this sounds kind of familiar, like how my last girlfriend acted...

We had terrible communication problems, she was into open relationships and I wasn't, she didn't really know what she wanted, and I had no clue what to do except be miserable when she'd blow me off or lie about what she'd been doing. And I just sat and took it because she was one of my best friends and I didn't want to lose that. Needless to say, it didn't end particularly well (the end involved months of extremely passive-aggressive fights) and wound up being two very dysfunctional unhealthy years of my life.

So how does this help you? Learn from my mistake: you need to get these issues in the open and talk about them as soon as possible. Don't take "I don't want to talk about it" or "I don't know what I think" as an answer. Given that these sound like serious issues, you should probably stop sleeping with this guy until you figure things out (and if you can't resolve this stuff you need to break it off for good). Don't worry about the friendship; if it's really strong, it can survive a breakup, but the longer you wait to talk about things and get everything in the open, the more damage it's going to do to your friendship and both of you.

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Robble Robble Robble!

Posts: 46 | From: Milwaukee, WI USA | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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