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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » did i make a mistake?

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Author Topic: did i make a mistake?
Member # 28751

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alright, this happened about 2 months ago but right now i feel really bad about it for some reason. im 15 and until march, i hadnt had my first kiss and i was humiliated. nobody knew except my friends but they had all already had theirs and i felt like a loser for not having had mine yet. boys used to call me ugly when i was younger and even though i think in the past few years i have become much prettier, its still a point of insecurity for me.

so, theres this senior in my math class that i used to always flirt with. he was sweet and he made me feel pretty, not just like plain old aly. and he didnt talk to me like i was weird. needless to say, i went pretty crazy over him. the thing is, i used to have a huge crush on this guys younger brother who is one year older than me and completely unnattainable. so me and this senior ended up talking on the phone and he was so nice and eventually we ended up making out. however, i never wanted him as a boyfriend. i know this guy and he has a reputation for being a player. i just wanted to make out with him because he was cute and not disrespectful to me (yet, at least) and i wanted my first kiss. so we got together and i guess i didnt give him what he wanted because he stopped talking to me afterward. i was so upset.

i wondered what i did wrong or if the situation would have turned out differently if i hadnt been so nervous or something. i know it wasnt my fault and hes a jerk but it still hurts when i think about it. not to mention, i kinda feel like a whore because when i really think about it, i never really liked this guy for who he was. i liked him because he reminded me of his brother. and besides wanting my first kiss, i also wanted to be popular. im a sophomore and this guy is a senior and hes extremely popular and extremely rich (when we were making out, we were actually in the backseat of his escalade. how skanky is that?) so naturally hes quite a catch. i wanted to be able to say hey look at me i made out with this popular rich guy and im not that little shy ugly girl anymore. but now i just feel so naive and i almost wish it had never happened. he used to be so nice to me and i never predicted that he would start acting like this. am i an idiot to have gotten myself into this situation?

Posts: 32 | From: manhattan beach, ca | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 25983

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No, you aren't an idiot to have gotten yourself into this situation. Lots of people have gone through something similar.

However, it was certainly a mistake to hook up with a guy you had no interest in just for the sake of having your first kiss and enhancing your popularity/social status. I know how it can be to be an unpopular/ "ugly girl" in school, believe me; I know how much it can suck. But this wasn't the right way to go about it.

It's the sad truth that some guys have no interest in girls aside from one or two flings. It's nothing you did wrong; he was just a jerk. You are NOT a whore.

In short, sweetie, no matter who you smooch or have sex with, it will really do nothing to improve either your view of yourself or your social life. Concentrate on what you like about yourself, and start sharing it. I know how difficult it can be when you're shy, but learning to love and assert yourself is one of the best things you can do for youself. Good luck!

Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Hey: you sure could have learned this lesson in a much harder way. Plenty of times, young women end up learning this only after having sex with someone with the same motivation, plenty of times that's unprotected, plenty of times that results in said guy telling the whole school what a "slut" said girl was.

Maybe you DID give him what he wanted: maybe all he was looking for was validation as well, validation that he's desireable and popular. Sometimes, someone's motives are more obvious thabn you'd think.

It hapened, it's done, and if you're wise, you have a life lesson learned: don't try and validate yourself with someone else.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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