Donate Now
Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » How to break the news.....

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: How to break the news.....
sportchick
Activist
Member # 27063

Icon 5 posted      Profile for sportchick     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I have a bf of a year and a half, and we have been talking a lot about being sexually active. I have been on the pill since june of last year, and we have done lots of talking about responsibility etc.

My one question is: how do I tell my mom this? I'm afraid that if I tell her she won't want my boyfriend to come over any more, or let me go over to where he lives (its a long distance thing 4 months out of the year) What should I do? Should I say anything at all?

PLEASE give me some advice!


Posts: 72 | From: N.E | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Irm
Activist
Member # 27418

Icon 10 posted      Profile for Irm     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You probably have the MOST information here to answer your own question, since you know your mother, and you know what your relationship with your mother is like. It's not like you have an obligation to tell her, but if you think that she could be understanding and reasonable with you about it, then it will relieve a lot of anxiety not to have to "hide" an important aspect of your personal life from someone you love.

Take into consideration how your mother has reacted to things in the past, your mother's values and their priority, and how much maturity she gives you leeway for. For example, if you KNOW that your mother is the sort of person who would act in a way that is unreasonable/radical, such as suddenly forcing you to cut off all connections with boys, or calling up your boyfriend's family and causing drama, or berating you for your decision, et cetera, then it might be a better idea to leave it out--at least for now. Again, it's not like you have an obligation to tell her, and it might be good to figure out exactly where you and your boyfriend stand on the whole thing in a definate sense--you might start, but realize you're not ready.

If you do decide to tell her, be mature about it and talk to her as an adult. Let her know that you and your boyfriend are taking all of the necessary precautions, that it is a mutual and educated decision, etc. Or, you might just sort of "drop" notions not related to yourself to see how your mother reacts--that's sometimes a good idea to get a person's opinion without putting yourself in the line of fire. For example, "Wow, I read that such and such percent of girls my age have already lost their virginities. What do you think about that?" Obviously, if she responds with rage and indignity, then you know you'd probably be treading on too tender a ground.

PS: The obligatory you-know-that-the-pill-won't-protect-you-from-STIs-right?

------------------
~Meddle not in the affairs of Dragons, for thou art crunchy and taste good with ketchup


Posts: 213 | From: Private | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sportchick
Activist
Member # 27063

Icon 10 posted      Profile for sportchick     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yes, we would use condoms too.

See the exact problem is that I want to tell her, but I'm not sure how she will react. We've already done some talking about it and I can't guage how she would react to the situation personally.

I feel like she is the type of person who wouldn't like it happening in her house, but I also know that she would be hurt if I didn't tell her. She has a tendency to make me feel guilty sometimes, but I really don't want to lie to her either... any help you could suggest would be great.


Posts: 72 | From: N.E | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
kitka
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 22756

Icon 10 posted      Profile for kitka     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
sportchick - my parents do the guilt trips too, so I know where you're coming from.

When me and my guy did it, I waited a week to tell my mom. I was so nervous that she would flip.

I told her and she actually started crying a little, she was so happy for me. So you never know how she might react.

Your mom would probably be less stressed if she knew that your bf was mature enough to
a. agree immediately to bc and condoms, every time
b. respect my decision to not have sex until I was ready

Why not tell her, "Look, these are 2 decisions we've made. What do you think?"
and then let her bring up sex.

Figure out whether her reactions to sex-talks in general are good. Then decide whether you want to spring this on her before or after you do the deed.

What do you mean, "wouldn't like it happening in her house"?
Do you mean, wouldn't like you actually having sex in her house?
Or wouldn't like the thought of her daughter having sex wherever?

I've seen a couple of your previous posts re: bc. If you want to put your mind at ease, why not try waking up at 6 am on Sunday, take the pill, and go back to sleep?
That's what I do... works for me at least.

re: condoms, you'll find this advice on the boards elsewhere - if you've both swapped recent test results, and have been monogamous for at least a year, you should be fine to use just the pill. if you want to use condoms too, you can do that.

i know a few people, including myself, who have kind of a hang up about the "psychological" reassurance of condoms. i.e. you can see that you're protected, so it makes you worry a little less.

weird, i know. just a thought, since it sounds like you might not be confident enough to go condom free yet.


Posts: 455 | From: New York, NY | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3