I am not sure where to put this, So someone please feel free to move it if it is better suited somewhere else.
I have been reading posts all day because I haven't been on the site in a few days, and I came across some interesting topics which reminded me of a situation I am in at the moment.
In all honesty, the situation doesn't involve me at all, but my concerns are sky rocketing!
I have a friend who is 20 and dating a 14 (15) year old. Actually, the difference in their age is 5 and 1/2 years (give or take a month). Now, I know this is illegal. By searching the AOC website, I found that the AOC in this particular state is 16.
The parents of the 15 year old absolutely love my 20 year old friend. They know the couple are serious, and have suspicions that they might be sexually active. Now for her protection my friend won't give any details about how serious they actually are. She won't say whether or not they engage in sexual activities. She assumes that she is somewhat safe considering the parents are "all for" their decision to be together.
Most of the community and the school know of their relationship. All the family members on each side are aware as well. If I am understanding this whole thing correctly, most of them don't find this a problem, and those who do don't get involved. (My concern is that they may not be so lucky in the future.)
They have been together for 6 months or more now.
I am very concerned. She often comes to me for advice asking if she should continue the relationship. I have no idea what to tell her.
I know that it is viewed "wrong" in account with the law, but are their any exceptions? I can't find anything on that topic. I have searched myself stupid on this situation.
Can the schools interfere and file a complaint? Can those oposed to their relationship throughout the community file a complaint?
Some sites that I have visited have mentioned that the main resource of complaints would be filed only by the parents, but by some articles I have read I get the impression that even if the parents are "ok" with this, the community can still view this as a "problem", address the issue, and try to solve it by any means necessary.
Also, what if they are in a serious relationship that has lasted for 6 months, a year, 2 years, etc. If someone complains about it then, can actions be taken?
I guess my biggest concern is complaints. The parents are fine with it. But can anyone else other than the parents file a complaint? And if they can, and complaints are filed even though the parents see no problem, what can be done about it?
I am very concerned for her. I have nothing to tell her. If this will not ruin her (by getting her into seroius trouble) I don't want to interfere because she IS happy! But, If she can get into serious trouble, I want to warn her and try to help her out of this situation. I just can't find anything else, I am so confused about this whole "AOC LAW" thing, and this is my last resort.
Any information, comments, or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
[This message has been edited by oOo Lea oOo (edited 02-22-2006).]
Length of the relationship, maturity of persons involved--these mean little in the eye of the law. Your 20 year old friend is committing a sex crime anytime he does more than hold her hand or hug her. Her parents cannot consent to their daughter partaking in a sexual relationship.
From what I understand, anyone can bring their relationship to the attention of the authorities, and they can press charges. If convicted, your friend would then become a sex offender.
These laws are harsh, yes, but they are there to protect people. If the AOC is 16, and she's 15, it's only a year for her to wait to ensure her partner is not committing a crime.
I'm afraid I'm a little confused. You say that your friend is the 20 year old, correct? And later you say that "she" asks you if she should continue the relationship. Bless me, I searched high and low on your post and found no mention of "he"! Not that I'm not fine with that, it just isn't clear.
If the case is that your friend is in a same-sex relationship with this girl, I'm afraid the chances of them being "found out" and persecuted are higher. No matter where you live in the country, it seems everyone thinks homosexuals are out only to corrupt the children. The fact that gays/lesbians still may not marry in many states is a further testimony to how indifferent the law is to the maturity and depth of two people in love.
Of course, if I was mistaken about your friend, I'm sorry. And thanks for letting me rant anyway .
My friend is a female and her boyfriend is a male. It isn't a homosexual relationship. I appologize.
Another thing I am confused about, you say that once he turns 16, my friend couldn't be charged with a crime?
On the AOC website it mentioned something about being 4 years apart in reference to their age.
So are you saying that when he turns 16, they are out of danger, or . . in the case that they are not 4 years or less apart, can they still be considered "illegal" if they engage in sexual activities until the male turns 18 years of age? That is also confusing me.
Another thing, I asked her to tell me honestly if they have had any sexual contact at all. . dry sex, manual sex, oral, intercourse, anything. She assured me that they had not, but only because she feared she would get caught or someone would find out.
If someone sees them together and assumes, what can be done? People talk! She isn't worried about that, but should she be?
Sorry to not clarify earlier in my first post if i have caused any confusion. And thank you both for your replies!
[This message has been edited by oOo Lea oOo (edited 02-23-2006).]
From what I know of AOC laws, unless it is listed as, say, an "16/18" split, the total AOC is 16. For instance, Washington has a split law. This means that at 16, a person may engage in sexual activites with another person up to 60 months (5 years) older than themselves. At 18, the restriction is lifted, and a person may engage in sexual relations with anyone above the age of consent of 16.
You didn't say, but are you asking about the AOC in Virginia? Or another state?
Because according to my sources, the AOC in Virginia is 18. Also, be aware that if crossing state lines, the AOC becomes 18 across the board. This is to protect youth from being taken across state lines to a state where the AOC is lower.
I'm in the same exact ordeal. My boyfriend is 19 going ot be 20 and i'm 16. were less than 4 years apart were like 3 years and a lil less than 11 months apart. I still don't understand what it all means and i've searched A LOT on this topic. So could he get into trouble for being with me? the AOC of minnesota is 16 i think.
[This message has been edited by Kristin_0608 (edited 02-23-2006).]
As for Minnesota, "The age of Consent in Minnesota is 16. If you are 19 or older and have sex with someone under the age of 16, you are guilty of Statutory Rape. The state explicitly says that consent by the minor is not a defense, AND not knowing the exact age of the minor person is not a defense." Click for source.
So yes, Kristin, your boyfriend would be committing a crime.
oOo Lea oOo, I'm having problems loading the legislation for your state, but I'll keep trying. Suffice to say, your friend should play it on the safe side and wait. It's safer to abstain from sexual activities than to commit a crime.
[This message has been edited by DarkChild717 (edited 02-23-2006).]
Yes. Thanks for your replies! I confronted her last night about it and showed her this conversation. I also took her to the AOC website so she could see for herself. So thanks for the information, I really appreciate it.
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